ECW on Sci-Fi
March 3rd, 2009
Boston, MA
(taped 3/2/2009)

The Current Champions are as follows:
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge (2/15/2009)
Intercontinental Champion: CM Punk (1/19/2009)
Women’s Champion: Melina (1/26/2009)
World Tag Team Champions: The Miz & John Morrison (12/13/2008)
WWE Champion: Triple H (2/15/2009)
U.S. Champion: Shelton Benjamin (7/20/2008)
Diva’s Champion: Maryse (12/26/2008)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Carlito & Primo Colon (9/26/2008)
ECW Champion: Jack Swagger (1/12/2009)

Boogeyman vs. Kane, Santino Marella vs. Mark Henry…….. this is going to be the worst show ever!!

Your hosts are Todd Grisham and Matt “The Teacher” Striker

Before the show gets start we get a video promo showing what happened during the ECW title match last week. It’s all super mega ultra dramatic. Roll the song and the intro and FINALLY we’re in the arena. Grisham lets us know about the AWESOME 6 man tag team main event. My TiVo told me I was seeing “Christian vs. Finlay” tonight…. But I guess I’ll have to settle with Christian, Finlay, and Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger, John Morrison, and The Miz. I’m sure Christian vs. Finlay would have been a better match. Anyways………. Let’s get to this first match.

• The Boogeyman vs. Kane

So Kane is on ECW to promote (?) the Sci-Fi premier of “See No Evil.” It’s not terrible, but it’s definitely not good. Before the match starts, Striker says that this is one of his favorite movies of all time. REALLY?!?!?! Who told him to say that??? Who would EVER have a WWE movie as one of their FAVORITE movies of all time?? No one!! Don’t sell me BS…… cuz I’m not buying. The bell rings and both men stall. They just stand there and stare at each other with Kane looking at the worms every now and then. Eventually Boogeyman walks up to Kane and tries to give him some worms. Kane doesn’t really want the worms, so he “Kane uppercuts” Boogey. Boogey sold that uppercut like he was getting hit with a truck. Kane puts Boogey in the corner and goes to work on him with punches and kicks. Kane hits the “Snap-mare – low dropkick” spot and covers for 2. Kane hits a scoop slam but completely misses his top rope lariat. Kane crawls to the corner which sets up for a BOOGEYLANCHE!!! Boogey tries to build up momentum but runs right into a big boot. Kane kicks at Boogey some more forcing him to the floor. Boogey gets back to the apron and surprises Kane with a neck snap over the ropes followed by a turnbuckle smash. Boogey goes to the top but runs right into a CHOKESLAM!!! 1-2-3…….. this one is finally over. This match was so bad….. I normally like Kane, but Boogeyman messed this one up. GARBAGE.

Oh my god…. Before we go to commercial we see a graphic for the EPIC Santino Marella vs. Mark Henry. That match is going to be so bad.

• Santino Marella w/ Beth Phoenix and Rosa Mendez vs.  Mark Henry w/ Tony Atlas

This is a Money in the Bank Qualifying Match. Why does Santino need to be here?? Before the match starts Marella makes fun of Mark Henry for being a fatty. At least Santino is amusing me. The bell rings and Marella runs right into one of those “Run at Mark Henry tackles” Again…. Why do people run at Mark Henry?? Marella rolls to the floor for a break. Henry follows him out but Beth Phoenix stops him from doing anything to Marella. This distracts Henry long enough for Marella to get back in the ring. As Henry rolls back in, Marella tries a Pearl Harbor job. Henry NO SELLS everything so Marella goes for a flying cross body. They sell it like Marella jumped at a brick wall…. It was actually pretty funny. Marella goes for another flying cross body which turns into the World’s Strongest Slam. 1-2-3 and that’s a wrap. What was the point of this match?? GARBAGE.

Evan Bourne promo, Dirt Sheet Promo, and Triple H/Randy Orton promo take up this act.

Back from commercial and we have a divas match.

• Alicia Fox w/DJ Gabriel vs. Natalya w/Tyson Kidd

So I Guess Kidd’s gonna feud with Gabriel instead of Noble. That makes sense seeing Noble was injury last week on RAW. This is the first Divas match on ECW since Alicia Fox lost to Katie Lea 2 months ago. Let’s see how this shapes up. The bell rings and they go into a collar and elbow tie up that leads to Natalya shoving Fox to the mat. Natalya taunts Fox then gets a waistlock followed by a takedown. More taunting ensues as Fox shoves Natalya. Fox goes for a side head lock takeover but Natalya blocks and goes for a back suplex that’s ALSO blocked. Fox gets that takeover she was looking for and locks in a side headlock. Natalya gets to her feet and counters into a side headlock of her own. Fox elbows out then sends Natalya to the ropes for a VERY SLOW run of the ropes which leads to Fox hitting a drop kick. Natalya begs off for the bit then kicks Fox right in the gut and starts pounding away. Natalya sends Fox to the corner and catches her with a powerslam. Instead of covering, Natalya beats down on Fox some more with punches and such. After a bit of that, Natalya locks in an Abdominal Stretch to kill some time. Fox arm drags out but runs into a boot to the gut followed by a slap to the kisser that puts her on the mat. Natalya goes for the kill but runs into a boot to the boob, followed by a sunset flip for 2. Fox is in control now and hits a clothesline. Natalya misses a punch which sets up a “Jack Brisco” roll-up, 1-2-NO!

Fox goes for a whip but Natalya counters and misses a clothesline. Fox goes for a dropkick but ends up in a SHARPSHOOTER for the submission win. Not bad for a Divas match….. some parts were sloppy, but it wouldn’t be a Divas match if it wasn’t sloppy.  *

After the match Tyson Kidd attacks Gabriel from behind. Gabriel didn’t want any of that and beats Kidd down.

Hall of fame video rolls.

• Christian, Finlay, and Tommy Dreamer w/Hornswoggle vs. ECW Champion Jack Swagger, The Miz, and John Morrison

So when you run out of ideas, you make up a 6 man tag match with people that are feuding. After 5 ring entrances the bell finally rings and we start with Swagger and Dreamer. After a few seconds Swagger tags out to the Miz because he’s too good to fight Dreamer. Now Miz and Dreamer dance around the ring for a bit until Miz hits a knee to the gut and starts punching at Dreamer. Miz whips Dreamer into the ropes for a hiptoss but it’s countered into a neckbreaker.  Dreamer takes Miz face to Finlay’s boot and tags out. Finlay comes in and rings the arm of Miz followed by a short-armed clothesline. Finlay stomps on the Miz’s hand then hits a stiff European uppercut. Finlay works the arm for a bit until he tries a turnbuckle smash that Miz blocks and returns with one of his own. Finlay rolls out to the floor to regroup which sets up for the “Baseball slide into the ring apron” spot that Finlay loves so much. Finlay rolls back in as Morrison checks on his husband. During this time Swagger is in the ring distracting the ref long enough for Hornswoggle to hit a plancha on Miz and Morrison.  The crowd goes nuts for flying midgets. Onward to commercial break. Back from commercial and Finlay is stomping away on the Miz. Finlay pulls Miz into Babyface Land and tags out to Christian; which the crowd approves of. Christian beats down the Miz then whips him to the ropes but ducks the head too late and receives a kick to the face. Miz tries to capitalize but runs right into a spinning heel kick; cover gets 2. Christian tags out to Dreamer and they hit a nice “drop toe hold-running elbow drop” double team spot; cover gets another 2. How come teams don’t do double team spots anymore…… only Miz and Morrison have the one that I’m sure they’ll use later in this match. Miz finally tags out of the match and Morrison runs into a huge hiptoss from Dreamer. Some stuff is happening, but I’m too busy laughing at the fact that Matt Striker is so out of touch with reality. He’s tries to talk about “Myspace and Facebook” but said “Spacebook and Myface.” I hope he was just trying to be funny. I collected myself just to see Morrison run into a powerslam from Dreamer; 1-2-NO!! Well that wasn’t really a “1-2-NO!!” moment…… but whatever. Dreamer goes up to the second rope for some reason but Miz causes the distraction as Morrison hits his spinning “karate” kick that sends him out to the floor. Finlay tries to check on Dreamer but the ref isn’t hearing any of that and starts arguing with him. This gives Swagger ample time to throw Dreamer back in the ring as Morrison commences beat down. Dreamer is now playing a good little “face in peril” as Morrison tags out to Swagger. I guess Dreamer’s good enough for Swagger now that he’s all ‘in peril’ and stuff. Swagger is all over Dreamer as he throws Dreamer into the rope and hit a HUGE running clothesline. Swagger locks in a front facelock and starts pounding away at Dreamer’s back. Swagger tags out to the Miz and a lot of the same stuff is happening, just one big beat down on Tommy Dreamer. The crowd starts getting behind Dreamer so he tries to battle out but Miz hits his new “bulldog into the top turnbuckle” spot and tags out to Morrison. Double backdrop connects really close to the face corner as Dreamer goes for the tag but Morrison pulls him away and continues with the same old stuff. Morrison tags in Swagger which leads to all sorts of waistlocking. Dreamer gets to his feet and elbows out followed by a sunset flip that gets 2. Instead of tagging out, Dreamer charges at Swagger and runs into a Belly to Belly Suplex; cover gets 2. Swagger looks annoyed and wastes a lot of time before trying a Vaderbomb that gets nothing but knees. Double KO spot ensues. Swagger tags out to Morrison but Dreamer couldn’t make the tag as Morrison pulls him back to the center of the ring. Dreamer kicks Morrison away and finally makes that HOT TAG to Christian. Christian goes buck wild on Morrison. Morrison tries to slow things down by pushing Christian into the corner which inadvertently knocks Finlay off the apron. Christian ducks a clothesline from the Miz while executing an inverted DDT; that was pretty neat. Christian knocks Miz out of the ring and hits an off the second rope sunset flip, 1-2-NO!! Morrison tries to slow things down again with a punch to the gut. Morrison looks for Moonlight Drive but Christian reverses and looks for the Kill Switch but is pushed into the corner. Morrison charges but Christian gets out of Dodge and hits his rope assisted kick followed by the second rope Spinning DDT. Swagger tries to get involved but Christian puts a stop to that. Dreamer comes around and pulls Swagger off the apron for a face first bump. Christian hits a FLYING HEADBUTT!!! 1-2-NO!! That sneaky Miz breaks up the count. Finlay wasn’t too happy about that so he comes in and takes the Miz out as both men go over the top rope. Morrison gets a couple of shots in on Christian then completely whiffs the Springboard flying kick as Swagger made a blind tag. Christian hits the KILL SWITCH on Morrison but doesn’t realize that Swagger is the legal man. GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB connects for the 1-2-3. Well that didn’t make Christian look very good. That match was your standard 6 man tag; nothing more, nothing less. ** All three heels celebrate in the ring as the show goes off the air.

Final Thoughts:

This show was terrible. You know a show is bad when a divas match was one of the best matches of the night. The first two matches shouldn’t have even existed. The 6 man tag was decent, but served no purpose. Swagger loses two and then wins two. Where do we go from here?? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. ¼* for this garbagefest.