Bigelow’s Raw Report 9/21/09
Monday Night Raw 9/21/09
Little Rock, AR
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler
– We open this week’s show in the garage where Cedric the Entertainer pulls up in a limo. The Bella Twins pop out and dance as Cedric emerges. His posse emerges from the limo one by one as he greets them all and dances a bit as some funky music plays. Apparently his posse includes random football players, an old woman, a rabbi performing a circumcision and a farmer with a goat. Cedric and the Bellas strut off and we hit our opening animation. We then head inside the Verizon Arena where we are immediately joined by D-Generation X!
1) Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes
Hunter and Shawn hit the ring as Triple H will be in singles action to kick us off this week. The crowd is pretty damn fired up for them as the ovation is loud and non stop. Triple H reminds us that Shawn was in and won the very first Hell in a Cell. Shawn then reminds us that Hunter has won the most HIAC matches in history, picking up victories in five of them. Rhodes and DiBiase have never competed in a HIAC and they have no idea what it takes to even take part in one. The last time DX was in HIAC, their opponents left beaten, battered and destroyed. Shawn says that they did that to Vince they like him, and Hunter tells us they don’t like Ted and Cody. And with that, we are joined by Legacy. Cody is looking fairly confident as Cole reminds us that they defeated DX at Breaking Point. The bell sounds and we are underway. Cody attacks Hunter off a Ted distraction but Hunter is able to turn things around. Cody quickly regains control and aggressively hammers on the Game. Cody continues to beat on Hunter but Hunter dodges a charge and sends Cody into the post shoulder first. Triple H sends him into two more times and then takes him down and locks in the crossface. Cody hooks the rope and then bails to the floor off the break. Triple H nails Cody with a baseball slide dropkick. Cody careens into Ted and they are both down as we take a break. When we return, Cody has Triple H trapped in a rear chinlock. Hunter fights to his feet and breaks it but Cody drops him with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Cole keeps putting over Cody’s confidence. Cody stomps and clubs on Hunter and Ted even gets a cheap shot in. Cody gets another near fall and then hooks a neck vise. Cody releases the hold and then heads up top. Hunter gets to his feet but Cody hits a beautiful moonsault for two. Hunter battles up and slugs away at Cody but Cody catches him with a boot to the face. He charges Hunter, but Hunter ducks and back drops him to the floor. Cody pops up and smacks Michaels in the face. Shawn chases him around the ring but Ted ambushes him and drops him on the announce table with a flapjack. They hit a double team on Shawn and knock him out cold. Cody slides in the ring but Hunter loads him in the Pedigree. Ted comes in with a chair and pastes him with a shot the back and then one to the head to draw the DQ. That was a pretty solid match and Cody looked strong throughout. Triple H d. Rhodes by disqualification; Grade: 2.5
– The crowd heat is pretty good here as Cody drops Hunter with Crossrhodes. Ted hoists him up and drops him with Dream Street as Shawn is still out on the floor. They hook the chair on Hunter’s neck and Cody heads up top but Shawn grabs the sledgehammer and slides in the ring to run them off. Hey, I will criticize when it is warranted, but I will also give kudos. Good on DX to make Legacy finally look legitimate out there. Shawn helps Hunter up as Legacy takes off as we head to break.
– We are back from commercial and Lillian introduces our guest host, Cedric the Entertainer. Cedric and the Bellas come out and dance a bit. Cedric is all sorts of fired up and says he will be a good host because he is the real deal, a real WWE fan and he loves “the Raw”. He talks about the craziness backstage and makes some jokes, cracking on Big Show and second generation stars like the son of “Cowboy Bob Thornton”. He quickly corrects himself though. He says Big Show is the illegitimate son of Andre the Giant and King Kong Bundy, Mark Henry is the son of the Kool Aid Man and Miz is the son of a jackass. Cedric wraps up but Santino Marella joins us first. He is happy to see “Frederick the Entertainment”. He is a huge fan and has seen all his movies and new DVD. He has a new calling to be a stand up comedy man. Cedric says he can set it up so Santino can rock some stand up here tonight. Cedric gives him a big introduction and Santino is off and running. I won’t even try to capture the great delivery, but it was a lame line about fast food and getting fat. Cedric cuts him off and imitates Kanye West at the MTV Awards. He tells Santino to stick with wrestling and starts to wrap up again, but this time we are interrupted by Chavo Guerrero. Cedric says that Chavo is funny because he lets a Leprechaun beat him every week. Santino tells Cedric that Chavo doesn’t let him win. Cedric can’t believe it and says Chavo is a grown man. Chavo says that Hornswoggle isn’t a problem. The problem is that punk guest hosts put Chavo in no win situations. Chavo is sick of the celebrity host junk and calls it pathetic. Cedric says that Chavo getting karate chopped by Bob Barker was pathetic. Cedric and Santino laugh it up but Chavo isn’t impressed. He is out here to challenge Cedric to a match. Cedric says he doesn’t wrestle, but he is battling the star of his movie over the name of his next movie. He plugs some website but Chavo tells him not to change the subject. Santino accepts Chavo’s challenge on behalf of Cedric. Tonight we will have “Fred the Entertainment” vs. “Chavo the Leprechaun Loser”! Chavo leaves and Cedric says he doesn’t want to wear the tights. Santino says he will hook him up with his tailor. Cedric seems more amiable to the idea as we head backstage. Josh Matthews is with Miz and wants to know why he stole the US Championship. Miz says he only took what will be his. He shocks audiences and is the reason people watch Raw. The US Champion should be from the USA. He was born and raised in Cleveland and he didn’t float over on a raft listening to a Bob Marley CD. Kofi charges in and knocks Miz to the ground. He takes his belt back and heads off as we take a break.
2) Evan Bourne vs. Miz
We are back from break and Air Bourne is headed out to the ring for our next match. Miz is out next and trying to shake off Kofi’s attack. Miz backs Bourne into the corner off the break. He backs off and then they lock up. Miz elbows Bourne off and slugs away in the corner. Bourne comes flying out of the corner with a dropkick. He charges Miz in the corner but Miz tosses him up and over hard onto the top buckle. Bourne collapses to the mat and Miz kicks him in the face and gets a near fall. Bourne fights back but Miz hammers him down. Bourne ducks a clothesline and gets a roll up for two. Miz pops up and hits Bourne with a cool facebreaker. Miz takes Bourne over with a suplex and gets two and then hooks a chinlock. Miz releases the hold and hangs Bourne over the end of the apron. He clubs on Bourne’s back and then drills him with a kneelift. Miz gets two and then hooks a double underhook submission. Bourne breaks free and comes at Miz with some kicks to the legs. Miz fights him off and sends him into the corner and then follows with a big clothesline. Miz heads up top but Bourne recovers and crotches him. Bourne takes him down with a huracarrana and then heads up top. Miz dodges Air Bourne and drops Evan with the Skull Crushing Finale for the win. That was a solid match and both guys worked hard. Miz keeps getting better and better. Miz d. Bourne with the Skull Crushing Finale; Grade: 2
– Backstage, DiBiase and Rhodes are talking when Randy Orton comes in. He says he originally wanted them out there with him for the contract signing, but he sees that they are on the cusp of ending DX so he wants them to have the rest of the night off instead. DiBiase and Rhodes accept and head off as we hit a break.
– We are back and Cole is thanking Skillet for the PPV theme song “Monster”. We then head to the ring where Jerry Lawler is ready to host a contract signing. Randy Orton is out first and he does not receive a very warm welcome. John Cena is out next and gets a big pop from the fired up crowd. Orton and Cena have a seat at the table as King reminds them that there is a no physicality rule in effect here tonight. Trish Stratus made this match last week and it leaves Orton with two choices. He either faces Cena in a HIAC match or he can give up his right to automatic rematch. Lawler hands him the contract and Orton quickly signs it. Orton tells Lawler to get out of the ring and he obliges and heads back to the announce table. Cena reviews the contract as Orton rises and talks. Cena may think he has Orton figured out but he is wrong. He is more dangerous than he has ever been and he is willing to do whatever it takes to get his title back. Cena has never been in a HIAC match and has no idea what to expect. Orton has been in one and knows what to expect and what it takes to win. He promises Cena that he will never be the same after this match. Cena stands up as well and says he wasn’t listening. He heard him say something important at Breaking Point though, and we get a quick video montage of Orton saying “I Quit” over and over. Cena says he told everyone that Orton would come out and say and do exactly what he came out and said and did. Orton has punished him more than any other superstar in WWE history. But, he made it through and is still standing, so he won’t just be threatened and scared because Orton is telling him things he already knows from across a table. Orton is stalking around angry as Cena signs the contract to make the match official. If at HIAC, Orton doesn’t win, this is his last chance. There will be no more rematches and no more championships. The once mighty leader of Legacy will just become a dude in his underwear that hangs out with two other dudes in their underwear. That is the funny part. On the serious side, after all the punishment Orton has put him through, he has looked in Randy’s eyes and knows what he is capable of. But, it is Orton that should be worried because he has no idea what Cena is capable of. At HIAC, when the door is locked, he will destroy Randy Orton. Randy says he would love to grab Cena’s neck and drop him with an RKO through the table, but he can’t do it. Cena’s arrogance has led people to despise him ever since he joined WWE. So, he found a couple of individuals that had no problem putting Cena through hell right now. Cena looks around as Chris Jericho and Big Show emerge and powerwalk to the ring. Orton leaves the ring as the tag champs climb inside. Orton is perched on top of the announce table as Jericho and Show start to circle around Cena. Show tosses the table outside the ring and Cena takes that opportunity to charge at them. The champs beat him down but Mark Henry and MVP come out and make the save. Jericho and Show quickly bail as MVP and Henry help Cena to his feet. Cedric appears on the Tron and makes a six man match, natch. All six men look around as we take a break. That was a pretty good segment, but Cena can go back and forth between annoying and intense from second to second as he can’t really keep any sort of flow in his promos. Orton brought the goods as always.
– The Just for Men Slam of the Week takes us back to last week when Alicia Fox beat Gail Kim to earn a shot at Mickie’s title. Back live, Lillian lets us know that Alicia is at ringside to observe this next match.
3) Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix in a non title match
The voluptuous Mickie James is out first and she is followed by her arch enemy Beth Phoenix, the Glamazon. The bell sounds and Beth shoves Mickie down off a lock up. Beth tries a stun gun, but Mickie lands on her feet. She drops Beth with a neckbreaker and dropkicks Beth to the floor. Mickie heads up top and she flies onto Beth on the floor. Alicia gets up but Mickie swats her off. Beth uses the distraction to run Mickie into the post and then toss her back in the ring. Beth drops her with the inverted powerbomb and picks up the win. Beth d. Mickie with an inverted powerbomb; Grade: .5
– Alicia grabs the belt and slides in the ring as Beth takes off. Mickie struggles to her feet and Alicia drills her with a nice scissors kick. She holds the belt up high and then puts it down onto Mickie as we go to break.
4) Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger for the United States Championship
We are back from break and set for some US Title action. Kofi is out first and ahs his belt back around his shoulder. Swagger follows him out and we are set to go. Swagger attacks Kofi off the bell and clubs away at his back. Swagger grabs a hammerlock but Kofi flips out of it and chops Jack down. Swagger catches Kofi and puts him on the top rope. Kofi floats down but Swagger puts him down hard. As Kofi is out, Miz sneaks out and steals the US title again. He starts to leave but Swagger heads out and knocks him down. Now Swagger steals the belt and he leaves with it. Well, that doesn’t seem to make much sense. Kofi gets to his feet and looks around for Swagger and his belt. Apparently that is that. Swagger and Kingston wrestle to a no contest; Grade: 0
– Over at ringside, Cole and King talk about Cedric’s arrival from earlier and get some clips of it before we head to break.
5) Chavo Guerrero vs. Cedric the Entertainer
We are back from commercial and Chavo Guerrero is making his way to the ring for our next bout. Lillian now informs us that Santino will be the special guest referee. Chavo is not very happy as Marella huts the ring. Cedric is out next and he is rocking tights and a cape and is accompanied by the Bellas. Cedric puts on a lucha mask and keeps his hat on as well. We get a weak lockup that Chavo quickly breaks. Chavo talks some smack and takes off Cedric’s hat. He tries to put it on but Cedric isn’t very happy. Chavo drops it and stomps on it. Chavo starts smacking Cedric around and Cedric bails to the floor. He scurries under the ring and Chavo playfully struts over to the other side to await Cedric. Chavo slides outside and lifts the apron as Cedric emerges. Although, this guy is a whole lot bigger and Chavo is onto the jig. Chavo smacks the guy in the face and he chases Chavo around the ring. Chavo falls and Cedric picks him up and press slams him into the ring. Chavo is yelling that it isn’t Cedric under the mask. The masked man crushes Chavo with a clothesline and then sends him over with a big back body drop. Chavo is still mumbling as Cedric splashes him in the corner. Cedric quickly slides out of the ring and back under the apron. Now a midget in a mask and cape emerges and drops the Tadpole Splash. He scurries back under the ring and the original Cedric reappears and covers for the win. Well, that was interesting. Cedric d. Guerrero after a Hornswoggle Tadpole Splash; Grade: .5
– Hornswoggle and the other masked man emerge and they all dance in the ring as we go to break.
– We are back and the King tells us that Reverend Al Sharpton will be the guest host next week. Cole and Lawler then run down the HIAC card for us. Backstage, Cedric is bragging about his win to Kelly. He flirts a bit more before being interrupted by Jericho. Cedric says he is talking to Kelly and that Chris could use a breath mint. Big Show grabs Cedric’s shoulder and turns him around and now Cedric is willing to listen. Back ringside, the King has the mic and lets us know that it is Lillian Garcia’s final night in WWE. He thanks her for being one of the Divas of the Decade. Lillian is choking back tears as she gives a quick little speech, telling her story, discussing her favorite moments and putting over WWE in general. Her biggest honor has been entertaining all of the fans and she will miss us all but her heart will always be in the ring. That was a great moment and I am glad they gave it to her. Lillian thanks everyone as the crowd cheers for her and we go to break.
– Psych welcomes Urkel as a guest this week. Hell yeah!
6) Chris Jericho, Big Show & Randy Orton vs. John Cena, MVP & Mark Henry
We are back and Jericho, Show and Orton are in the ring. Jericho has the mic and he wants to remind Orton that they dislike Cena as much as he does. So, they went to see Cedric and let him know that the ante needed to be upped tonight. They all agreed that if their team loses tonight, Orton has to face Cena, Henry and MVP in a gauntlet match. Orton doesn’t like that one. Show wants Orton to trust them, because if they win, Cena will have to face the three of them in a gauntlet match. Orton feels better now. And with that John Cena makes his way out and we take another quick break. We are back and Henry and MVP are now in the ring as well. The bell sounds and Cena and Jericho start things off. The crowd is behind Cena here. He backs Jericho into the corner but Chris comes firing out. Orton tags Jericho as he hits the ropes, but Cena catches him in the AA. Orton slips free and bails to the floor. Cena chases after him, but Jericho takes him out. He tosses him back inside and Orton hammers away. Cena tries to fight his way back into it but Orton plants him with a powerslam. Orton tags in Show, who lands some big right hands to the gut. He tags Jericho back in and he clubs on Cena in the corner. Orton is tagged back in but Cena is able to fight him off and take him over with a belly to belly suplex. Cena is able to tag MVP and Orton tags Jericho. MVP tosses him over and then drills him with a facebreaker. He drops the Ballin elbow and gets two. Orton distracts the ref and Show drills MVP from behind. Show tags in and beats on MVP before tagging Orton back in. Orton hooks in a tight chinlock as the crowd tries to rally MVP. MVP elbows free but Orton trips him up and tags in Jericho, who keeps the pressure on. Jericho misses a charge and careens off the middle rope. MVP crawls over to his corner but Jericho tags Orton and he dives to block the tag. MVP fires back at Orton but Orton shoves him to the floor. Henry tagged MVP on the way by and he comes in and starts cleaning house. Cena comes in and hoists Big Show on his shoulders and sends him to the floor with a back drop. Orton sneaks in from behind and drops Henry with an RKO to steal the win. Jericho, Show & Orton d. Cena, MVP & Henry when Orton pins Henry with an RKO; Grade: 2.5
– The winners take off as we get a quick replay. Cena realizes what awaits him next week as we fade out. Well, this was an odd show. The in ring action was pretty solid for the most part and the crowd was red hot but the non wrestling segments were nothing special. Cedric was into the gig, but just didn’t click for the most part. The show did go by pretty quickly though as they kept a good pace. In the end, it all averages out to an average show. See you next week!
Final Grade: C-
MVP: Lillian Garcia
Runner Up: Legacy & DX
Non MVP: Chavo Guerrero
Runner Up: Mickie James
Posted on September 21, 2009, in Justin Rozzero, WWE and tagged Alicia Fox, Bella Twins, Beth Phoenix, Big Show, Cedric the Entertainer, Chavo Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Cody Rhodes, Degeneration-X, Evan Bourne, Gail Kim, Hornswoggle, Jack Swagger, John Cena, Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, Mickie James, MVP, Randy Orton, Raw, Santino Marella, Shawn Michaels, Ted DiBiase Jr., The Legacy, The Miz, Triple H. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.