Bigelow’s Raw Report 11/16/09
– We open the show backstage where Roddy Piper is sitting inside Piper’s Pit. He is back and he has Luis Guzman with him in the Pit. They pimp Guzman’s upcoming movie before Piper goes into a random rant about how he destroyed Mr. T. As a treat, Piper flew in the Iron Chef Bobby Flay…actually it is just Iron Sheik, not the Iron Chef. Luis brings up Hulk Hogan and Sheik goes off on a rant about that jabroni. Sheik has old school LJN figures and has his replica beat on the Hogan figure. The Bella Twins come in and all five of them do a SNL style opening to send us to our new animation and theme music. We then head inside the World’s Most Famous Arena, Madison Square Garden where the NYC fans are revved up and ready to go. Cole and King run down the card as we head to the ring for our opening contest.
1) Miz vs. MVP for the United States Championship
Miz makes his way through the sweet old school entrance way that we are rocking tonight. Miz has the mic and says the people have chosen to hate him before even uttering a word. He gives MY World Series Champion New York Yankees a plug…before tearing them down a bit, using the lame “they bought a championship” excuse. Miz is drowned out by a “Let’s Go Yankees” chant as the Garden is flat out rocking tonight. He didn’t have to buy his US Title because he earned it and he will prove it tonight. MVP makes his way out to a great pop as he is sporting a Yankee hat. He gives it to his girl Sherri Shepherd, who is at ringside. MVP starts hot and dominates Miz, eventually knocking him to the floor. MVP tosses him back in but Miz catches him with a boot to the knee and then spikes his head into the ring post. MVP fired his way back into things and was able to drop the Ballin’ Elbow. Miz avoided the Playmaker but MVP got a good near fall off a big boot. Miz would regain control with a boot to the gut and then pick up the win with the SCF in a peppy opener. MVP loses again but Miz needs these quality TV title defenses. They kept the crowd into it as well. Nice match. Miz d. MVP with the Skull Crushing Finale; Grade: 1.5
– Miz takes off with his belt as we hit a break.
– Our Sonic Slam of the Week takes us back to last week when Ricky Hatton knocked out Chavo Guerrero. We then head back inside MSG for our next match.
2) Chavo Guerrero vs. Santino Marella
Chavo hits the ring first and then is followed by Santino, who is rocking a Rangers sweater. He takes that off to reveal a Giants jersey, then a Knicks jersey, then a Jets jersey, then a Mets jersey, then a Phillies jersey and finally a Derek Jeter Yankee jersey! Chavo wants to fight and Santino obliges. Chavo hits the Three Amigos and tries to go for the Frog Splash but Santino keeps rolling around the ring. Chavo keeps climbing every corner, but Santino just rolls all around. Degenerate Horny comes out to run interference, allowing Santino to roll Chavo up for the win. Well that was pure comedy and not much else. Marella d. Guerrero with a roll up; Grade: 0
– And the bell has barely stopped echoing before DX makes their way out to the ring to a big pop. Hunter puts over MSG and the DX Army. They wanted to come out, have some fun and sell some merchandise but it isn’t going to happen. Shawn says they aren’t coming out here to let us know that the DX book is out on WWEShop.com right now. Shawn tosses a copy to Sherri Shepherd as Hunter says they are here to talk about the Big Fat Elephant in the room…and not the Big Show…but the triple threat match this Sunday. Hunter says they are on the same page and will not implode or turn on each other. They have come to terms that only one of them can be champion and the only thing that matters is that the belt comes to DX. Shawn now wants to move on to another small piece of business and that involves a member of the Leprechaun community. Hunter says he has been warned but keeps wearing the DX merchandise that he did not pay for. Hunter tells him to come out now and they will consider letting him join DX. Horny pops out from under the ring and is very excited. He crotch chops his way around the ring until Hunter makes him stop. They have Horny line up to do the Suck It catchphrase, but Hunter stops in the middle, kicks Horny and drops him with a Pedigree. They tell Horny to Suck It and leave him lying there and I just have no idea where this is all heading. Hunter and Shawn reach under the ring and pull out a mini stretcher that is tagged with the DX logo. They load Horny on it and carry him to the back as we go to break.
– We are back and getting a quick look at last segment once more. Hunter’s goofy smile before dropping the Pedigree was pretty funny. Cole and King then pimp Jay-Z’s newest CD. They put over MSG and intro a great WWE in MSG History video package set to “Empire State of Mind”, highlighting all the big moments. That was an awesome piece of business. Cole talks about our main event before we head backstage. Piper is prancing around the Pit when he is joined Chris Jericho. Jericho says all guest hosts have disrespected him, and Piper is included in that group. He makes fun of Jericho’s hair and then brings in Chris Masters. He cues up “Boom, Boom, Boom” by the Black Eyed Peas and Masters does his dancing pec act for us. The Bellas are all about that as well. Masters, the Bellas and Piper all take off as Jericho glares angrily. Back in the arena, we see that the two Black Eyed Peas that are not Will.I.Am. or Fergie are in the house before heading to break.
– Back from break, Justin Roberts brings out Judah Friedlander from 30 Rock with a crazy over the top introduction. He will be the guest ring announcer for our next match.
3) Melina vs. Alicia Fox in a Lumberjill match for the Divas Championship
Melina is out first and is ready to defend her title. Alicia is out next and we are good to go. Alicia wants Judah to announce her as the new champion. Judah refuses because he only came out here to watch Melina’s entrance. And he also has to announce that this is now a Lumberjill match. All the Divas involved the Survivor Series bout head out and surround the ring. We get some standard Diva action mixed with the usual Lumberjill antics around the ring. Melina hits a nice flapjack but Alicia countered with a stiff tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Melina eventually hits the Last Call for the win. Melina d. Alicia with the Last Call; Grade: 1
– After the bell, Michelle comes in and jumps Melina to trigger a big brawl. The face team wins out and Judah hops in the ring to celebrate as well. Cole tells us that Piper’s Pit will be next after this break.
– We are back from break as Cole plugs Survivor Series week on WWE.com. He then announces the USA/WWE TV deal to renew the Raw contract through 2014. And with that, the great “Rowdy” Roddy Piper makes his way into the arena amidst the all too familiar sounds of bagpipes. Piper thanks the fans for his recurring MSG standing ovations. He made his career on not being nice and only New Yorkers would put up with that. He is a NY orphan child. He embarrassed Cyndi Lauper in this ring, but she did a good job of that herself as well. He took on the biggest legends of the ring right here like Captain Lou, Bruno, Andre and Hogan and if they messed with Hot Rod they end up bald or dead. He loves them all, mainly the dead ones and not the bald ones. He takes credit for Hogan’s baldness and says he couldn’t resist the jab. He has one more dirty rotten nasty job to do before he checks out and that is one more match…against Vince McMahon! He knows that Vince is a big fan of his because when he did Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, he got fired right here in MSG afterwards. He knows Vince is here and he barely has to goad the boss before he struts out to the ring. Vince rags on Piper’s dye job and he tells Piper that the most heinous thing he has done in MSG was show up tonight. He rips on Piper’s arms, legs and knees and his catcher’s mitt face. The only thing that hasn’t dried up and withered away is Piper’s kilt. Vince’s forefathers would be ashamed of him if he soiled his hands with Piper here in MSG. Vince calls Piper “Father Time” after Piper makes fun of Vince’s suit and gray hair. Vince is on a roll tonight and says he has always looked better than his opponents and he has beaten all the big stars. Unless there is better competition in his future, Vince is officially retired from ring action. Piper calls him a coward for backing out of a fight. He has 7,000 matches and 30 car crashes and he is not sane. He has been electrocuted, gone down in a plane and beaten cancer and he can beat Vince too. Piper doesn’t want the match on PPV or at Wrestlemania because he wants Vince to come down and fight later tonight. Piper will retire him officially if they fight tonight. Piper heads off as Vince looks around and we head to break.
– As an aside, Jesse Ventura will host next week’s three hour Raw Thanksgiving special.
– We are back and King is wondering if Vince will accept Piper’s challenge. We then head back to the ring for our next bout. Sheamus makes his way down the aisle as we get clips of his destruction of Jamie Noble from two weeks ago. Cole tells us that Noble has officially retired. Sheamus introduces himself and says he has been on Raw for four weeks and has already retired one wrestler. He issues an open challenge to anyone in the back. Nobody answers the call so he heads to ringside and grabs timekeeper Mark Yeaton. He wipes him out with a kneelift and then tosses him across the announce table and onto the floor. Now the King drops his headset and goes to check on Yeaton but Sheamus kills him with a big boot to the head. Sheamus leaves as Cole and some officials check on the King and Yeaton. We get a replay of the brutality and then see King being helped to the back as we take a break.
– We are back and Matt Striker has joined Cole at ringside. They run down the Survivor Series card for us, as we are just six days away. We then head back to the ring for our next match.
4) Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger
Air Bourne hits the ring as he is set to take on his archrival, Jack Swagger. As Swagger heads to the ring, we take a quick break. When we return, we see that Swagger has overpowered Bourne to take control. The crowd continues to be lively, so kudos to them. Bourne tries to comeback but Swagger just drills him with a big clothesline from behind. Bourne finally uses his quick strike offense to get on track and pick up some near falls. Swagger catches Bourne on a moonsault attempt, stampedes him into the corner and then plants him with the gutwrench suplex for the nice win. This could have been much better, but was just too short. I hope they get an extended sequence on Sunday. Swagger d. Bourne with the gutwrench suplex; Grade: 1
– Swagger celebrates as we cut backstage to see Piper walking before we head off to break.
– We are back from break and the bagpipes are blaring again as Roddy Piper is in the ring. Piper is looking pretty good I must say. And it looks like Piper’s challenge will be answered, but it won’t be by Vince McMahon, because we are being joined by Randy Orton. Orton doesn’t know if McMahon is coming out, but he knows that Piper has a big problem because Orton is here. The crowd is chanting for Orton. Randy can’t think of a better way to relieve stress than to put Piper down. Orton kicks Piper but Piper fires back with a right hand. Orton kicks him again and then clubs him down. He stomps away at Roddy as Striker eulogizes Hot Rod. This show improved immediately upon Striker taking over for Lawler. Before Orton can punt Piper, Kofi Kingston hits the ring and hammers away at Orton. Orton slithers away and heads to the back, but Kofi goes out after him. Piper cheers Kofi on as he takes it to Randy. Kofi tosses him into the fans and follows him with a flurry of fists. Orton is able to ram Kofi into a cheer but Kofi fights back and runs Orton into the barricade. The fight has evened out as they trade blows. Orton sends Kofi back to ringside and starts to stomp on Kofi’s midsection. Orton tosses him back into the ring and slingshots him throat first into the bottom rope. Kofi is on his stomach and Orton lines up for the punt. Orton charges but Kofi pops up and hits Orton with a cross body. He hammers away until Orton bails to the floor. Kofi follows him out again and they continue to brawl around ringside. Kofi throws Orton back over the barricade but Orton meets him with a boot. They are clubbing on each other as a gaggle of officials breaks things up. That doesn’t last long as Orton breaks free and the fight starts up again. The officials hold Orton back again and that allows Kofi to dive onto him. They keep slugging away at each other and end up in the second level of seats above the tech area. Kofi runs him into the railing and then flips him over it and down to the tech area. Kofi grabs a steel lift and smacks Orton across the head with it. Orton is sliced open and it looks like it may be hardway. The crowd is chanting for Kofi as he hops back up to the second level. He climbs on the barricade and is about to launch onto the prone Orton but the officials stop him before he can leap. Kofi breaks free and charges back to the barricade. He leaps high into the air and puts Orton through a table with a great looking Boomdrop. Kofi is over like rover, boys. Orton is left broken on the table. Kofi stands tall and his music fires up as the crowd cheers him on. That was a great brawl and Kofi has taken the ball and run crazy with it.
– We are back and Matt Striker is thanking Nickelback for the new Raw theme song. We then head backstage where John Cena is standing alone. He does the usual promo, plugging New York, discussing the upcoming main event and putting over the Undertaker. He talks about Survivor Series as well, calling his match a handicap match. A PA walks over and hands Cena a note. He throws it down and says it changes everything. He clarifies that it is a triple threat match and not a handicap match. Cena rants on some more about the match Sunday and then heads off as we hit the ring.
5) Chris Jericho & Big Show vs. Shawn Michaels & Triple H vs. John Cena & Undertaker in a non title match
Big Show and Chris Jericho are out first but first we are taking one last break. As we return, Cole reminds us that Ventura will be the guest host next week and Striker breaks out a good Jesse imitation. DX is out next, followed by Cena and finally Undertaker, who gets the big druid entrance and classic “Undertaker” MSG chant. Taker gets a big time pop, natch. We are well into the over run here and the match hasn’t even started yet. Cena, Jericho and Michaels start things off but Jericho quickly tags in Show. Shawn obliges and tags Hunter so Cena tags in Taker too. Taker and Hunter turn their attention to Show and start double teaming him. Hunter hits a facebuster and Taker clotheslines Show to the floor. We get some vintage Hunter and Taker until Shawn is tagged in. He and Taker stare each other down before going at it. Show makes his way back in and spears Taker before clubbing Michaels down as well. He tags in Jericho who picks apart Michaels before hooking the Walls. Taker breaks that up but Cena tags himself in from behind before Taker can do anything. All six men tag in and out and the flow is pretty good here as the star power is just oozing from the ring. Show plants Cena and Hunter with a double chokeslam in a cool spot. Taker comes in and hits Show with a big clothesline. He knocks Show to the floor but Show whips him into the barricade. Jericho nearly steals a victory but only gets two. Hunter is able to tag Shawn and he hits Jericho with the vintage Michaels moveset. Shawn cues up the band on Cena but Cena ducks it and takes Shawn down with a shoulderblock. He hits the five knuckle shuffle and hoists Shawn up for the AA but Hunter reaches in and tags Shawn’s back. Hunter rolls through Cena and Jericho but Show stops him with a headbutt. Shawn drills Show with SCM, but Jericho catches him with the codebreaker. Taker drops Jericho with a chokeslam, but he gets knocked to the floor. Cena comes in and hits Triple H with the AA for the win. That was a wild little brawl and the crowd was rocking the whole time. Cena & Undertaker d. Show & Jericho and Triple H & Michaels when Cena pins Triple H with the Attitude Adjustment; Grade: 2.5
– Taker comes back in and plants Cena with a Tombstone. Taker stands tall in the ring as we fade out. This was a really fun show tonight that was aided by the fresh MSG look, different entrance and smoking hot crowd. Piper was awesome as always and the show just flowed well from beginning to end. The Kofi/Orton brawl was great stuff as well as Orton has just done everything he can to help elevate Kofi. See you next week for the three hour Raw Thanksgiving special and the Body will be in the house!
Final Grade: B+
Posted on November 17, 2009, in Justin Rozzero, WWE and tagged Alicia Fox, Bella Twins, Big Show, Chavo Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Chris Masters, Degeneration-X, Evan Bourne, Hornswoggle, Jack Swagger, John Cena, Kofi Kingston, Melina, Michelle McCool, MVP, Piper's Pit, Randy Orton, Raw, Roddy Piper, Santino Marella, Shawn Michaels, Sheamus, The Miz, Triple H, Undertaker. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.