Monday Night Raw
August 5, 1996
Seattle, WA
Key Arena

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (3/31/96)
Intercontinental Champion: Ahmed Johnson (6/23/96)
World Tag Team Champions: The Smoking Gunns (5/26/96)

There’s a video package reminding us of Mark Henry and his accolades. He’s already given Jerry Lawler a press slam. What’s next for this behemoth of a man?

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jim Ross.

• Jerry Lawler vs. Aldo Montoya
  

Before the bell, Lawler continues his verbal tirade against Jake Roberts. Montoya is the new 1-2-3 Kid as he upset Lawler on the July 27 edition of Superstars. Lawler pulls out Jake Roberts’ tag team partner Jim Beam out of a paper bag. Always with the jokes, Jerry! Montoya fights back against Lawler’s cheapshots and tries a DDT, but fails. Lawler catches him telegraphing a backdrop and winds up giving him a MEMPHIS PILEDRIVER. How about one more for the pin. That’ll teach him to try and beat you, King. (2:34) Afterwards, Lawler pours some whiskey down the nothing-but-clean-living throat of the Portuguese Man O’ War. It gets so out of hand that refs and agents have to stop him. ½*

• The Bodydonnas vs. The New Rockers
  

Hillbilly Jim joins us for color commentary. The New Rockers pearl harbor the Bodydonnas as they make their entrance. It looks like Zip is going to be your FIP (ha!). Sunny and Faarooq Asad interrupt via split-screen to tell us that they are both maneaters (each individual having their own meaning) who get what they want, which seems to be the only thing they have in common. Next week on Raw, Faarooq battles Skip in his in-ring debut. Meanwhile in the ring, Skip and Jannetty are doing some cool headscissors maneuvers to each other. Tag to Cassidy, he takes a leg-drop combo from the Bodydonnas for two. Blind tag to Jannetty fails, but he hits Skip with Diamond Dust. We see the Godwinns and Smoking Gunns watching this match from separate dressing rooms. Naturally being the tag champs, the Gunns are watching more closely than the Godwinns. Back to the match, Skip hits a Flying Headbutt on Jannetty for two. Skip tries another headscissors, but Jannetty backs up to the ropes allowing Cassidy to pull Skip down on the top rope, thus setting up Skip for another FIP segment. To the floor, Cassidy delivers a swinging neckbreaker to do more damage. Back in, Jannetty covers for two. We hear from Hillbilly Jim that Phineas has seen the light and no longer has a crush on Sunny. In other news, Gorilla Monsoon has agreed to let this unnamed former WWF superstar who was “arrested but never convicted” on drug and weapon charges and being represented by Clarence Mason to return to action under his guidance. Is it kind of sad that I find humor in the fact that neither Vince McMahon nor Jim Ross has any CLUE who this man could be? Are there that many guys who have been arrested on drug and weapon charges that have worked for the WWF? They seem baffled as if they couldn’t possibly begin to *guess* who it could be. Anyways, we’ll find out who he is next week on Raw. Oh, the match. Cassidy stuffs Skip with a spinebuster as we go to break. When we return, the match has broken down and the Bodydonnas look to put away Cassidy. That’s when the Smoking Gunns run down and push Zip off the top rope for the DQ. (10:15 shown) Except for a few moments with Skip and Jannetty, this was pretty boring stuff. Otherwise, it was ten minutes that felt like twenty and you could see the finish coming a mile away. While the Gunns and the New Rockers beat up the Bodydonnas, out come the Godwinns to even the odds and make the save. On the other hand though, I would like to see Jannetty and Candido get ten minutes. *½

Earlier today, Kevin Kelly conducted a sit-down interview (in what I believe is his debut on Raw) with WWF Champion Shawn Michaels. HBK says that Vader can beat him, but no one has been able to beat him in a WWF title match. Kelly mentions Bret Hart. Shawn hopes that Bret returns to the WWF soon. He feels Bret and the WWF are like PB&J. As for the haters who criticize the way he won the WWF title from Bret in overtime at WrestleMania 12, he brushes it off saying that people will criticize you no matter what. If only he had felt that way in real life. Kelly brings up the 11-man battle royal that’s about to happen. Shawn says that only he could be the WWF champion who will face Vader at SummerSlam and then put the WWF title on the line against another top-notch WWF superstar the next night. Despite all the talent in the WWF, he feels he rises above them all.

• 11-man Battle Royal
  

Winner gets a WWF title shot the night after SummerSlam. Entrants include the Undertaker, Psycho Sid, Goldust, Ahmed Johnson, Mankind, Marc Mero, Owen Hart, Savio Vega, Steve Austin, Davey Boy Smith, and Justin Hawk Bradshaw. Plenty of combustible elements, for sure. Mankind and Undertaker eliminate each other immediately as they brawl to the back. Nothing super interesting happening here. Savio screws himself over by hitting Goldust with the Spinning Heel Kick in the corner that takes him to the floor. You idiot! Taker and Mankind are still brawling and the fight goes from one side of the arena to the other. The final four are Steve Austin, Psycho Sid, Goldust, and Ahmed. On the split-screen, Taker and Mankind are seen *still* brawling backstage. Just fantastic. Meanwhile, Sid delivers POWERBOMBS to Goldust and then Austin. It does little good though. We actually get a RR ’92 moment as Owen and Bulldog return to ringside to screw with Sid. As he grabs at them, Austin dumps him out to send Sid to the showers. Austin and Goldust form a brief alliance, but Goldust is actually the first one to end it. Austin low blows Goldust and starts beating on him. Over comes Ahmed to dump out Austin and Goldust with the assist! AND THEN THERE WERE TWO! Due to wrestling “against doctor’s orders”, Ahmed has his share of problems with that kidney issue. Skip ahead to the finish, Ahmed and Goldust tumble over the top rope at the same time, but Ahmed holds onto the ropes upside down while Goldust falls from the apron to the floor. Ahmed wins! (18:50 shown) Since the plan is still set for SummerSlam, Faarooq comes out for a big pull-apart brawl to close the show. Of course, the match with Faarooq would never happen at SummerSlam and his WWF title match would never come. Pretty cool battle royal. It was a little odd in places especially when they would go from finisher to rest hold. The Mankind and Undertaker interruptions were fantastic and made all the sense in the world leading up to their Boiler Room brawl. **½

NEXT WEEK: WWF Champion Shawn Michaels faces Owen Hart in a non-title bout! Plus, Faarooq debuts and gets his hands on Skip! Also, we’ll see who this ex-con is that Clarence Mason is bringing into the WWF!