ECW: Hardcore TV
January 31, 1995
ECW Champ: Shane Douglas (3/26/94)
TV Champ: Dean Malenko (11/4/94)
Tag Champs: Public Enemy (11/5/94)
We watch a replay from last week’s episode, when Tully Blanchard beat the snot out of Shane Douglas but ended up getting jumped by Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko. What we didn’t see last week was the Florida fans throwing their chairs into the ring after the show was over.
To properly open the show, Joey Styles says the company was banned from Disneyworld because there’s no goofy wrestling in ECW. Brilliant!
Shane Douglas cuts a promo from outside a motel swimming pool to tell Tully Blanchard he’s a “two-faced no-good” for “sucking up the cocaine” and then telling people not to do it. I thought that’s how drugs worked. You do them, you stop doing them, and then you tell people not to do them. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I had 1,000 years to do nothing but make stuff up.
The in-ring action this week is coming from Florida again, but a much smaller (and more appropriate) venue than we had last week…
- Tag Team Champs The Public Enemy vs. Tazmaniac and Sabu (w/ Paul E. Dangerously and 911)
The story of this match is that Sabu and Taz try their fancy moves and P.E. just wants a street fight. No tagging. Brawling ensues until Sabu hits an Arabian Press for two. Moonsault for two. He flips outside onto Grunge. Taz hits a sweet suplex on Rocco. Into the crowd they go for blood and trash cans. Back in, Grunge attacks Sabu’s fractured ankle. Taz does an absurd move, flinging both Rocco and Grunge with a Japanese arm drag. A horrible Sabu moonsault grazes Rocco. T-Bone Tazplex on Grunge. A table is set up. Rocco takes another Tazplex. Taz wants to suplex him off the top, but Rocco forearms him off and Taz crashes through the table. Cover, pinfall, P.E. wins. (8:52) At the same moment, Sabu’s somersault tope sends Grunge through another table, but it doesn’t matter. 911 goes after the ref, Rocco goes after 911, and P.E. takes off. Too disjointed even for what it was. *
Paul E. gives himself more mic time to make O.J. Simpson references while telling P.E. that he’s going to send them back to the hood. Classy as always.
Commercials… including one for fish food. Fish food? Did I miss something? Have you ever seen a commercial for fish food? Did every home in America have a fish tank in 1995?
Raven does a promo from a classroom where he’s written “I hate Dreamer” on the chalkboard a bunch of times. A classroom? Joey Styles said the wrestling wasn’t goofy, but he didn’t say anything about the locations for the promos.
Commercials… lots of them…
- Sandman (w/ Woman) vs. Cactus Jack (Falls Count Anywhere)
Cactus sneak-attacks during the entrance to start it off. Big chair shot and Cactus dominates for a while. Woman hits him with the Singapore cane to buy time. Cactus is still all over Sandman outside. Woman gives him more cane shots and Sandman takes control. He’s either very intoxicated or has a concussion. Inside, he DDTs Cactus onto a trash can and delivers a flying legdrop. He follows with a crazy Rocker Dropper off the top rope. Up the turnbuckles again, but Cactus nutshots him out to the floor. Unimportant stuff happens while I reach for Sour Skittles. Sandman piledrives Cactus onto the trash can, but misses with the trash can and tumbles outside. Cactus drops a big elbow from the apron for 1-2-3. (9:10) Woman goes after Cactus and Sandman attacks with the cane. He tries putting his cigarette in Mick’s eye, so Mikey Whipwreck runs in and makes the save. A mildly entertaining and at times vicious brawl. **
Sandman gives a crazed promo while hitting himself with his cane while somehow Woman keeps a straight face.
A bloody Cactus Jack follows with a 10-times-better promo, divulging his life’s pleasures and fears like wrestlers just didn’t do then and haven’t done since, using rich vocabulary effortlessly yet still seeming completely out of his mind. It’s good stuff. And that’s all!
Despite the great Mick Foley promo, the episode is pretty lame. Only two matches and neither one is anything special. Next show up is Double Tables. Click for Matt’s review.