ECW: December to Dismember
December 3, 2006
Augusta, GA
James Brown Arena

Your hosts are Joey Styles and Tazz.

• The Hardy Boyz vs. MNM
  

So MNM split up after they lost the WWE tag belts back at Judgment Day, but now they are back together to try and show up the Hardy Boyz. Jeff Hardy is the IC champ at the time. Styles and Tazz push this as a one night only situation since no one in this match is actually on ECW and neither team put together are on the same brand. It’s one of those situations where they choose to ignore the so-called rules of the brand split, which means they are just making this stuff up as they go along and forget about the rules when it’s useful in situations like this where you have to fill out a 2 hour PPV with six of your top ECW stars are in the main event. I mean it’s not a bad idea to have these two teams together in a tag match because God knows they aren’t doing anything with the actual tag team champions of either brand. London and Kendrick on Smackdown are already out of opponents it seems and Rated RKO are feuding with DX where the tag titles are really an afterthought.

Matt and Mercury start out working a headlock sequence. When they come to a stalemate, all four guys meet in the middle of the ring. Now the Hardyz work on the arms of MNM. They pick things up featuring their TANDEM OFFENSE~! They give Mercury a double-team wheelbarrow suplex. The crowd starts calling Melina a crack whore. Good grief. MNM gets some heat on Jeff, but Nitro misses a standing SSP allowing a hot tag to Matt. He hits Nitro with a Splash Mountain out of the corner for two. Matt then goes after Melina and gets blindsided by Mercury. Back inside, MNM concentrates on the ribs. They get a wheelbarrow facebuster on Matt for a two-count. Matt counters a double-team suplex with a double neckbreaker on Nitro and Mercury, but they cut off the tag. MNM then mocks the Hardyz by giving Poetry in Motion to Matt. They try for more mockery by going for the Twist of Fate and Swanton Bomb finish, but Matt shoves away the Twist of Fate from Mercury into Nitro to crotch him. HOT TAG TO JEFF! He runs through MNM like butter and hits Nitro with the sitout gourdbuster. Matt takes Mercury to the floor for a pescado. Nitro takes flight and planchas on both of them. Now it’s Jeff’s turn as he flies on top of the whole bunch. Back inside, the Hardyz hit Mercury with Poetry in Motion. TWIST OF FATE followed by the SWANTON BOMB, but Nitro yanks his partner out to safety causing Jeff to crash and burn. Nitro takes out Matt and hits Jeff with a springboard dropkick for two. They start working the lower back of Jeff for a while. Nitro still wants to do his fancy break dancing legdrop on Jeff though.

A backbreaker and slingshot elbow drop combo nails Jeff for a nearfall. Jeff tries coming back with a sunset flip on Nitro, but Nitro reaches Mercury for a tag negating a pinfall once he falls back to the mat. Some old school tricks right there. Mercury flies out to the floor after getting a two-count off an O’Connor roll and pulls Matt off the apron. Since Matt doesn’t sell the fall, they start slugging each other. Nevertheless, Nitro pulls Jeff back into the MNM corner. I like that. Jeff catches himself during a catapult and climbs to the top rope to take out MNM with Whisper in the Wind. HOT TAG TO MATT! Bulldog and clothesline combo! Side Effects to MNM! Cover on Nitro, 1-2-NO! The AHH legdrop connects for another nearfall. Looks like the Hardyz wanted a super powerbomb on Nitro, but Mercury helps out and assists in a hurracanrana on Jeff! This all backfires on MNM soon after though as the Hardyz deliver STEREO SUPERPLEXES. Melina prevents a pinfall by being on the apron. Nitro goes to dropkick Jeff, but nails Melina instead. Oh boy. Jeff rolls up Nitro for 1-2-NO! Holy crap what a great nearfall that was. SNAPSHOT to Jeff! Cover, 1-2-NO! Matt barely makes the save and gets thrown out again. MNM look for a SUPER SNAPSHOT on Jeff, but Matt saves the day and brings them both down from the top with a SUPER TWIST OF FATE. I mean, all the Twist of Fate is a fancy looking cutter. Matt piles up MNM while Jeff hits the SWANTON BOMB for the win. (22:34) Really fun match and easily the brightest spot on this card. It also has to be one of the longest tag matches in WWE PPV history as well which is great because they worked really well together. This was the only match that received much praise and today many are speculating the boys might be coming back to the WWE. ***¾

• Balls Mahoney vs. Matt Striker
  

Tonight, Matt Striker says he will compete in an “Extreme Rules” match. No, wait, an “Extreme Enforcement” match. The rules are simple: no eye-gouging, no hair-pulling, no top-rope moves and no foul language, please. They point out that Striker has his face put on the back of his tights to which Styles remarks “you have to wonder about a guy who wants to sit on his own face”. Anywho, Mahoney out-wrestles Striker to start. Striker heads out to the apron after getting caught in a cross armbreaker. Back in, Striker teases a test of strength and pops Balls in the mouth. Mahoney misses a charge in the corner and runs shoulder-first into the ringpost. Striker works the arm for a while. Mahoney fires back (“BALLS!”), but Striker pulls him down into a Fujiwara armbar. Mahoney escapes and attempts his Balls Combo, but his arm is hurt too bad to finish it. Striker fights back, but then runs into a side slam for 1-2-NO! Mahoney heads up top, but that is against Striker’s rules! The ref tries to talk him down while Striker shakes the ropes to crotch Balls. Striker applies the rolling Fujiwara armbar again, but Balls won’t tap and reaches the bottom rope. Striker pulls Balls to the center of the ring, but Mahoney surprises him with a back suplex. The Balls Combo happens for real this time. Mahoney catches Striker coming off the ropes with a Rydeen Bomb for the 1-2-3. (8:22) Striker looked pretty good while working Mahoney’s arm. *

After watching CM Punk get himself all riled up for the main event, they cut to Sabu who is down and out somewhere backstage. The EMT guys try to get a response out of him while the crowd chants “Bullshhh”.

• Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay vs. The FBI (w/Trinity)
  

Burke powers Guido down to start. He tries to do it again, but Guido counters with a drop-toehold and steals Burke’s hat. Mamaluke tags in and grabs an arm wringer. He tags Guido back in for a double-arm drag and they connect with a hand-in-hand elbow drop for two. Mamaluke tags back in, but gets nailed to allow Burke to tag in Terkay. He pounds Mamaluke in the corner, but then misses a charge. Guido gets the tag and comes off the top, but gets caught by Terkay. Mamaluke tries to save him, but he gets booted out to the floor. Terkay comes up with a great idea and throws Guido out on top of Mamaluke. Burke throws Guido back in to Terkay for more domination. Burke tags in and slaps on a chinlock. Guido elbows out, but then gets tossed into the heel corner for some cheating. Burke charges at Guido in the corner with a double-knee strike and then drops him with an STO for 1-2-NO! Burke returns to the chinlock to kill more time. Guido elbows out again and rolls over to tag in Mamaluke. He gets all fired up and hits a running forearm on Burke, but then tries to knock down Terkay as he gets into the ring. Guido comes over and he gets caught as well. Together, they put Terkay down with a double dropkick to the knees, and another dropkick to Terkay puts him out on the floor. A double flapjack to Burke gets two. Terkay gets back up on the apron in time for Burke to send Mamaluke into him for a forearm shot to set up the ELIJAH EXPERIENCE for the 1-2-3. (6:41) Post-match, Terkay grabs Nunzio and gives him a MUSCLE BUSTER to draw very audible TNA chants from the crowd. Oh, that’s never good. *

We go to the back and see Sabu is now being placed into an ambulance while RVD and CM Punk stand around and watch.

• Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari (w/the Great Khali)
  

Daivari pounds away on Tommy to start, and then bails. Khali distracts Dreamer long enough for Daivari to nail Dreamer from behind. Dreamer comes back with a hiptoss to send Daivari to the outside again. Daivari gets back in and runs into an armbar from Tommy. Daivari eyepokes out of it and sends Dreamer to the floor with a baseball slide. Dreamer reverses a whip and sends Daivari into the security wall. Back in, Dreamer hits a suplex and tries to come off the ropes, but Khali pulls the top rope down to make Dreamer fall out to the floor. The ref sees it and sends Khali to the back. Back in, Daivari hooks a chinlock. As Dreamer tries to elbow out, Daivari throws him on his head and applies a neck wrench. Dreamer escapes that, but then gets caught with a sleeper. Dreamer stands up out of it and falls back on Daivari. Dreamer wins a slugfest and follows up with a backdrop. He hits a reverse DDT for 1-2-NO! Dreamer goes for the DREAMER DRIVER, but Daivari rakes Dreamer’s eyes to escape it. Dreamer meets Daivari up on the top rope, but gets pounded down to the mat. Daivari goes for a crossbody block, but Dreamer avoids it. He sets Daivari up in the tree of woe and charges in with a dropkick! Dreamer goes for the DDT, but Daivari blocks it and rolls up Dreamer while using the tights for the cheap 1-2-3. (7:23) The match wasn’t too bad up until the super-lame finish. Dreamer chases Daivari to the back, but then runs into the Great Khali. He takes Dreamer out in front of the TitanTron and chokebombs him down HARD on the steel stage floor. If you listen real carefully during the replay, you can hear someone scream out “this isn’t extreme, it’s entertainment!” *½

In the back, Heyman is searching for Hardcore Holly. He finds him and he’s already one step ahead of Heyman because he’s ready to replace Sabu tonight in the Extreme Elimination Chamber! He’s already in his ring gear and everything. You’ve got to love those employees who are always waiting for opportunities like these.

• Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly vs. Kevin Thorn & Ariel
  

Before the match, Kelly Kelly gets on the mic and wishes CM Punk good luck in the Elimination Chamber. Mike Knox is NOT happy with that. Thorn hammers Knox to the mat while Ariel leans over the top rope letting what’s left of her skirt go up for all to see what she has going on in her backyard. Thorn makes his first mistake by lowering his head too quickly off a whip and Knox takes advantage. Thorn comes back with a short-arm clothesline. Thorn looks over at Kelly Kelly and turns around and gets rocked by Knox. Knox runs into an elbow out of the corner, but then catches Thorn with a big boot for 1-2-NO! Knox applies a neck vice until Thorn stands up out of it and backs Knox into his corner to tag in Ariel. The crowd chants “Kelly!” as Knox tags her in. Ariel OWNS Kelly Kelly from one end of the ring to the other, including a very revealing standing boot-choke in the corner. Ariel misses a charge in the corner, but she’s still able to prevent Kelly Kelly from tagging in Knox. Kelly Kelly kicks Ariel away and then reaches for Knox, but he pulls his hand away and walks out on Kelly Kelly. The crowd calls for CM Punk while Ariel chokes her in the ropes, but he doesn’t come out. Ariel gives Kelly Kelly a Choke-STO slam and sits on her face to pin Kelly Kelly for the 1-2-3. (7:43) Thorn and Ariel attack Kelly Kelly after the match, but the Sandman makes his appearance for the save. ½*

• Extreme Elimination Chamber for the ECW World Title: The Big Show (c) vs. Bobby Lashley vs. CM Punk vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Test vs. Rob Van Dam
  

It’s the same Elimination Chamber match; they’ve just placed weapons in each of the pods. Show has a barbed-wire wrapped bat, Punk has a chair, Test has a crowbar and Lashley has a table. With that said, RVD and Holly start the match. Might I add, these two had a heck of a match on ECW on Sci-Fi back at the end of September where Holly got his back split open and required 24 stitches. They just sort of screw around here for about a minute. It gets a little more interesting when they head beside the pods. Holly moves out of the way of a flying RVD who latches onto the cage. When he tries to rebound, Holly moves again and RVD hangs himself on the top rope. Holly slams RVD on the steel grate and comes off the top for some reason, but eats a boot on the way down. As Holly lies there in pain, Van Dam returns to the ring and delivers Rolling Thunder over the ropes onto Holly. Van Dam takes a suplex back into the ring though and eats the Best Dropkick in the Business. Here comes CM Punk armed with a chair as the first guy to escape a pod. He throws the chair at Holly and drills Van Dam with a springboard clothesline. He tries throwing the chair at Van Dam, but RVD catches the chair and throws it back in Punk’s face. Now Punk takes a monkey flip onto the chair. RVD goes for his kicks, but Punk jumps out of the way of a legsweep and drops down on RVD who lands on the chair to bust him open. “CM Punk” chants start up. He wedges the chair in the corner and throws RVD’s face into the chair. Holly catches Punk flying and swings him into the cage. He then starts giving suplexes to Punk. When Punk tries coming back on Holly with the running knee and the bulldog, RVD kicks him down. Armed with a crowbar, Test escapes a pod to enter the match. He uses the edge of the crowbar to cut open RVD some more. He chokes Punk with the crowbar, but Punk snaps Test’s neck on the top rope to save himself. RVD gets the chair and starts wiping out everybody – culminating in a dropkick in the corner to Punk. He follows up with the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH and sends Punk to the showers at 12:24.

Test blasts Holly with the MAFIA KICK. Looks like Holly was supposed to kick out, but doesn’t and ref Mickey Jay says he’s gone anyways at 12:44.

As Test stands up, he’s met with a flying kick by RVD. To be the showman he is, Van Dam climbs up on top of Big Show’s pod. Unfortunately, Show can grab his foot through the chain mesh! While he’s stuck up there, Test grabs the chair and wallops RVD and yanks him down. Test puts the chair over RVD and delivers the Flying Elbow Drop to eliminate Van Dam at 14:01.

Bobby Lashley is supposed to be next to come out of a pod, but Heyman’s RIOT police guys prevent his escape. Of course this doesn’t stop Lashley as he breaks through by ramming a table (his weapon of choice, I suppose) into the cage mesh on top of his pod. He kicks Test down and clotheslines him from the top rope. They beat the crap out of each other and it’s all very interesting. Yawn. Oh wait, here comes the weapons again. Lashley ducks a chairshot and whacks Test in the gut with his crowbar. SPEAR to Test! Lashley covers him and picks up the pinfall at 19:41.

Heyman hypes up the Big Show during the final minute before Show is released. Lashley throws the table at Show’s pod trying to mess with his head. Now Lashley arms himself with a chair while Show has a barbed wire bat. The Walking Dead has better props, but whatevs. Show beats Lashley with the bat while he deflects the shots with the chair. As they go out of the ring, Show misses a swing and somehow gets the bat caught in the cage. He beats down Show to bust him open and throws him into the pod – because it’s an elimination chamber match and that has to happen every time. Show gets mad and throws Lashley back into the ring. He goes for the CHOKESLAM, but Lashley counters to a DDT. More counters on the Big Show until he finally lands the SPEAR to win the ECW world title. (24:44) Not a lot new or innovative was done here besides using weapons the wrestling way. That was fine, but we got nothing new otherwise. Other than that, there wasn’t even much of a story told as Lashley’s win didn’t feel all that satisfying since Test had already been through hell and the fight between Show and Lashley just wasn’t all that interesting. That’s pretty much this match in a nutshell: not all that interesting. I liked this less than I did ten years ago. And who knows, I may feel differently ten years from now. **

So the day after this PPV, Paul Heyman had a tenure-ending confrontation with Vince McMahon on McMahon’s own private jet. All of the frustration over the weak ECW revival came pouring out of Heyman and it did not turn out well. Here is a direct quote from Heyman on the “Ladies and Gentlemen, My Name is Paul Heyman” DVD released in 2014 on the situation:

“The day that Vince and I had our blowout – you would never have expected me back in this company. It was so bad. It was so miserable. It was so many years of aggravation. I mean, just the conflict that we had on his plane alone one would think I would never be back. I think it’s a testament to Vince that I’m back [in WWE] because clearly I was flipped out. I wanted to go. I wanted out of [WWE]. And when it all came to a head, it was not pretty.”

Final Thoughts: Lackluster is the word I would use to describe this show. Without building an undercard first, they really had no business running a PPV. They put all their main feuds into the main event and everything underneath were thrown together nonsense matches. Should you really expect people to pay $40 to see a Mike Knox and Kevin Thorne mixed tag? That’s just slapping your fanbase across the chops. And not only was this show a rip-off, but now they have put ECW onto the shoulders of one of the least ECW guys ever in Bobby Lashley. Just his name should illicit at least a little bit of vomit from the LEAST interested ECW fan. This show really marks the end of the ECW recreation from WWE. It will become the C-show until it goes off the air in 2010. Thumbs down for ECW December to Dismember.