WWF: Raw is War
February 1, 1999
Tucson, AZ
Tucson Convention Center

The current WWF champs are as follows:
WWF Champion: Mankind (1/31/1999)
Intercontinental Champion: Ken Shamrock (10/12/1998)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett (1/25/1999)
European Champion: X-Pac (10/18/1998)
Light Heavyweight Champion: Duane Gill (11/23/1998)
Hardcore Champion: Road Dogg (12/21/1998)
Women’s Champion: Sable (11/15/1998)

MANKIND BECOMES REGAINS THE WWF TITLE WITH THE AID OF A FORKLIFT: We start tonight’s program with highlights from the “Empty Arena” match between the Rock and Mankind.

SHANE McMAHON is in charge again tonight because his father Vince McMahon is away on special assignment in Victoria, Texas to provoke and confront Stone Cold Steve Austin. Last time Shane was in charge, that worked out real well. He is backstage talking to the BIG BOSS MAN, KEN SHAMROCK, and TEST. Shane knows that the Rock is on his way, but wants to know where Kane is at. Nobody wants to travel with that big red retard (Shane’s words, not mine!), so nobody knows where he’s at. Shane taps on Chyna’s dressing room door alerting her it’s time to go to the ring when Boss Man bumps into TERRI and JACQUELINE. He points his finger in Terri’s face and calls her a “bitch”. Whoa! Now hit that RAW intro.

TIME TO GET RAW! Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

Shane, the Big Boss Man, Ken Shamrock, and Test head to the ring. The Corporation gets sent to the back because Shane doesn’t need a crew around him like that coward X-Pac. Shane lets the audience know his father is in Victoria, Texas to confront and provoke Stone Cold Steve Austin. According to the match contract, if Austin lays a finger on Vince before the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre PPV, Austin will be fired on the spot. If Austin does manage to show some restraint, Shane guarantees Vince will tear into Austin from one side of the cage to the other. Hey look, we have a cage hanging from the ceiling tonight. He orders the cage to be lowered with him standing in the ring. Oh yeah, this never ends well. Shane continues to talk smack in Austin’s direction while we see that X-PAC is sitting on the rim of the cage. We cut to the back to see the NEW AGE OUTLAWS and TRIPLE H getting in a fight with the Big Boss Man, Ken Shamrock, and Test. Back in the ring, the cage has finally been set on the ring. X-Pac jumps down ready to fight. Shane takes off his jacket and slugs at X-Pac, but X-Pac blocks the punch and pounds Shane into the corner. He wants the Bronco Buster, but CHYNA opens the door and trips him. She climbs into the ring to go nose-to-nose with X-Pac. Shane tries to blindside X-Pac, but gets kicked down. With X-Pac’s back turned, Chyna low blows X-Pac and checks on Shane. She holds X-Pac up so Shane can slap him around. He then throws X-Pac into the cage and yells in his face. Chyna puts the boots to X-Pac and then embraces her new boss. With X-Pac down, Chyna helps Shane back to the locker room.

They air the WWF’s Super Bowl commercial. WWF ATTITUDE. GET IT?

From Victoria, Texas via satellite: VINCE McMAHON is joined by GERALD BRISCO and PAT PATTERSON who are dressed up like ridiculous cowboys. Vince of course is just wearing the usual type of suit he wears. He tells Patterson and Brisco to let him do the talking because he knows how to handle these Texans. Vince checks with the lady bartender to see if she’s seen Steve Austin. She reckons not. Vince doesn’t like her answer because it’s not entirely clear – at least not to him. He asks her again in a rude big city tone, so she pulls out a baseball bat and lightly bounces it off the bar to let Vince and his cowboys know they better leave. Vince gets mad and exits the bar to keep searching for Stone Cold.

• Val Venis vs. Billy Gunn

The IC champ Ken Shamrock joins Cole and Lawler for extra special commentary for this match – involving two guys who want to stick it to his sister. Well, I imagine Val already has. Lawler spends the whole match trying to get Shamrock to snap over the idea of somebody wanting to bone his sister. Who knew Kenny was such a conservative! Gunn moons Val to start the match. Yep. That baits Venis into the corner for a beatdown and a crotch chop. Val returns the favor, but then Gunn is all over Val with clotheslines. The Rocker Dropper gets two. Gunn starts working the arm while Shamrock goes on and on about how Val is corrupting his sister. Venis comes back with corner clotheslines for two. It’s chinlock time now. Even when there’s a wrestling match, it’s not even about the wrestling. Gunn fights out, but Venis catches with the Kobashi knee and the Russian legsweep. There’s the Rick Rude pose – and Shamrock has had enough. He gets up and whacks Venis in the back with a chair for the DQ. (4:55) Once Gunn gets up, he nails Shamrock and runs him off with the chair in hand. Of course, Val turns around and sees Gunn with a chair, thinking Gunn is the one who whacked him. To make him pay at least in his own mind, Venis hits Gunn in the back with the chair and walks out. *

MANKIND still has the Rock’s 100k and wants to rent MAX MINI. Does Max Mini have a handler? Who is this guy Mankind is dealing with? Anyway, $487 will get you Max Mini for three days. I’m not making this up – this is WWF television, folks. This looks like the first Super Astros crossover to reach RAW.

THE ROCK complains about Mankind spending his money to Vince over cell phone, who appears in a split-screen. McMahon then stares at a steer’s head on a wall to end the segment. He’s still searching for Stone Cold.

Kevin Kelly brings out DEBRA for an interview. Her body and their skills is what got Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett the WWF tag titles, which is a weird thing to say. MARK HENRY appears and hits on Debra again. This time he offers her a rose. They flirt back and forth until OWEN HART and JEFF JARRETT bum rush him until refs and agents calm things down. D’Lo is NOWHERE to be found.

Backstage, Mankind offers financial advice to Kurrgan, further wasting the Rock’s money.

Out comes D’LO BROWN with PMS. Terri now wants D’Lo to teach a pig a lesson, but he’s had enough of trying to make amends for causing Terri to lose her baby. Terri then calls out the Big Boss Man for calling her a bitch. Brown is not happy.

• D’Lo Brown (w/PMS) vs. The Big Boss Man

D’Lo tries to explain that he really doesn’t want this match, but Boss Man won’t have any of it. The Bossman Straddle leads to the baseball slide and uppercut. Brown hammers Boss Man and catches him with a jumping dropkick. He slams Boss Man for a pair of D’Lo legdrops. The flying elbow gets two. He then slams Boss Man off the top and hits the LO DOWN, but PMS is distracting ref Jimmy Korderas. D’Lo walks over and argues with PMS, but then he turns around into the BOSS MAN SLAM for the win. (3:45) It appears that was their plan all along as Terri and Jacqueline high-five each other. Boss Man attacks D’Lo with the nightstick until Mark Henry runs down for the save. *½

Back in Victoria, Texas: Pat Patterson hits on a random Texan and oddly enough it’s a female. “You look purtier than a spotted puppy!” She knees him in the groin, so we’ve hopefully had our brush with Patterson’s testicles for the night. Vince appears and tells Patterson and Brisco that he’s found Austin, and they’re out!

Hey look, it’s the RAW boy. BLUE MEANIE’s dance routine doesn’t last long, as GOLDUST attacks from behind, rains down punches and slaps, and then the SHATTERED DREAMS. Why did Goldust want Head anyway? And why is Goldust so pissed off the Meanie stole it back? Does anybody know?

Backstage, D’Lo Brown is getting worked over by the doctor while Mark Henry rants and raves about how it isn’t really Brown’s fault – that a pregnant woman doesn’t belong at ringside anyway. Turns out, this doctor was SHOOTING and NOT kayfabing when he says he examined Terri and says that she was NEVER pregnant. Well, Brown is less than thrilled to learn about this news. How long ago did he examine Terri?

• Kurrgan (w/Giant Silva & Golga) vs. Droz

George Steele is still suffering from the attack from Droz last week. Droz won’t get in the ring until Silva and Golga head to the back. Cole announces the Rock and Ken Shamrock will appear on “That 70’s Show” this Sunday on Fox. Also, we learn that the Royal Rumble set new PPV records (they don’t say what, but oh well) and the WWF kicks Mike Tyson’s ass or something. Anyways, this is all Kurrgan. He clotheslines Droz to the outside, where he finds a conveniently placed broomstick, which gets jabbed into Kurrgan’s throat. A Flying Shoulderblock is enough to end Kurrgan. (1:53) Droz continues to put the boots to Kurrgan until the rest of the Oddities come back to make the save. ¼*

Meanwhile in Victoria, Texas: Vince and his stooges enjoy some Texas brisket – well, at least not Vince. Brisco yells and shouts at the waitress until she dumps some beans on his head. Imagine how much funnier this would be if Bobby Heenan were involved.

The UT throne is in place, the fires lit, and the purple light bathing the ramp, so it must be time for the UNDERTAKER to come out. We are told that there’s a 6-man tonight, but Undertaker just sits back and watches his men instead.

ENTER THE WAR ZONE! Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

• The Undertaker, Viscera & Mideon vs. The Brood

The Brood walk right by the Undertaker like they’re cool. The Ministry of Darkness control to start. When the Brood turn the tide, the ACOLYTES hit the ring for the DQ. (2:12) The Undertaker and Paul Bearer start heading down to the ring. Refs and agents try to split everyone up, but the Brood knock them all out. WHAT. Now the Ministry is back to destroying the Brood. A noose is brought out for Gangrel. Cole calls it a bull rope for some reason. Because of Bradshaw, I guess? Undertaker puts a hand on Gangrel’s head and then they hang him off the apron while the Undertaker’s theme plays. More purple lights! ½*

Backstage, Mankind has something for Debra’s boobs. It’s a nice sweater. He’s afraid she might catch a chest cold, which could be fatal for her, I guess.

They replay the “Empty Arena” footage we saw at the start of the show.

Out comes the WWF champion Mankind out to the ring. There’s a HUGE pop for this man. He gets interrupted by the Rock who remains on the ramp. Sounds like the Rock is losing his voice tonight. The Rock wants his $97k from Mankind. Although Mankind feels bad about it, he admits the $100k is down to about $72k now. Mankind changes his mind about giving Rock the cash back to the biggest horse’s ass in sports entertainment today. If Rock wants a rematch, all he has to do is ask. Rock mentions a “Last Man Standing” match at St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, and Mankind accepts. Boy, that dog show is really biting them in the ass on the build to this next PPV.

Meanwhile in Victoria, Texas: The guys are now in a pawn shop looking for Stone Cold. Vince whispers to Patterson and Brisco about his plan, which is to berate Austin into hitting him. That’s when Patterson and Brisco will jump Austin. But first, commercials!

When we come back, they’re still at the pawn shop. Brisco still has baked beans on his hat, by the way. McMahon takes a deep breath – enters the back room – finds a bald guy in an Austin shirt, tweaks the back of his head and calls out the “chickenshit”. When the guy turns around and it’s not Austin, Vince has to get real humble real quick because the redneck wants to know if Vince is looking for Austin or a bullet. He *does* tell McMahon where Austin is, though. Oh boy.

• Hardcore Match: Road Dogg & Al Snow (w/Head) vs. The Acolytes

They take us back to last week when the Ministry of Darkness attacked both Road Dogg and Al Snow. Tons of ringside violence to start – with most of the focus on Bradshaw and Snow. Faarooq and Road Dogg fight over a chair while Bradshaw is throwing the top half of the steps at Snow. Road Dogg finds a table while Snow crashes a chair over Bradshaw and Faarooq’s heads. The table gets set up in the ring while Bradshaw and Faarooq recover. Snow and Faarooq brawl into the crowd – and Bradshaw and Road Dogg join them. Cotton candy and beer get involved. It’s like a concession stand brawl! They go back and forth as Snow forces Faarooq out the back door while Road Dogg sends Bradshaw through a table that’s leaned up against a wall. Snow beats on Faarooq with a trash can outside. Meanwhile as Bradshaw and Road Dogg head back towards ringside, a plant throws beer on Bradshaw and gets knocked out for his troubles. As things continue to go Snow’s way, Viscera appears and slams Snow through some sort of table. He’s done. Meanwhile, Faarooq rejoins Bradshaw and the DOUBLE-TEAM POWERBOMB through the table ends Road Dogg. (6:40) Well, that was fun. Now Viscera, Mideon, and some druids join the Acolytes. Undertaker’s music hits, the purple lights are turned on, and we see the Undertaker and Paul Bearer on the ramp. As Taker removes his hood, the Acolytes removes the hoods on the druids and they are the BROOD. Everybody looks devilish – except Christian who just looks forward. **½

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre promo. This PPV is going to be so romantic!

They show what happened during the break where the Ministry of Darkness were posing for photos. Road Dogg is out looking for Al Snow. Once they find each other, they start to argue when Road Dogg gives him a sick chairshot over the head. I guess they’re not friends anymore, which works out since they have a match on PPV in just under two weeks!

Meanwhile in Victoria, Texas: Vince has FINALLY found Steve Austin and does his best attempt at trying to provoke Austin to punch him. Austin says he’s not gonna hit him in Victoria, Texas – he’s gonna do it when it’s nice and legal in the steel cage. Vince calls him a “chickenshit” a few more times and shouts and overacts and Austin AGAIN says he won’t hit him tonight, but maybe everybody else in the place would like to show Mr. McMahon “a real good time at my expense.” Just an all-around terrible night in Texas for Vince and his pals.

• Cage Match: Triple H vs. Kane

Triple H is all stick and move on Kane to start. He then runs into a goozle and gets thrown into the cage before going down to a clothesline. Kane takes over and even sets the corners on fire and they wrestle in the red light for a few moments before the lights go back to normal. The Kane offense continues. After Triple H comes back and sends Kane into the cage, he tries to slide out the door. Kane grabs him by the legs and elbow drops the nuts. The Flying Clothesline connects and now Kane wants to climb out, but has to stop Triple H from crawling out. As Triple H gets pulled back in, he brings a chair with him. He cracks the chair over Kane’s head and starts to climb, but Kane stops him. Kane telegraphs a backdrop and eats the Triple H Facebuster. He punches Kane back into a corner for the ten-count corner punch. Kane then shuts down Triple H with a lariat and heads up top. He kicks Triple H away and tries to keep climbing, but Triple H manages to pull him down. As Triple H climbs the cage, Kane meets him up the rim of the cage. Triple H kicks him down, but Kane still manages to bring Triple H in by his throat. It could be a Super Chokeslam, but Triple H kicks his feet out and Kane gets crotched on the top rope. Triple H bounces Kane’s head off the cage and follows up with the High Knee. Time for the Pedigree, but Kane backdrops him away into the cage. CHOKESLAM to Triple H! Kane heads for the door, but X-Pac appears and slams the door on him. Kane sits up and starts climbing the cage wall instead. X-Pac goes to meet him at the top of the cage. Whoa, Kane is BLEEDING. Triple H starts climbing on the other side of the cage when Chyna runs down and gets inside the cage to grab Triple H’s leg. Triple H kicks her back and makes his way over the cage wall and down to the floor for the win. (12:29) Kane starts to go after Triple H and X-Pac, but Chyna gets on the mic to tell Kane to let them have their moment. According to Chyna, it sounds like there will be some hell to pay for Triple H in just under two weeks at the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre PPV! It took a while to get going, but Triple H turned this one around in something fun. **½

No RAW next week thanks to the dog show, but we’ll have some HeAT.

Until then, so long for now.

THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION PRESENTS
ST. VALENTINE’S DAY MASSACRE – In Your House
LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW
Sunday, February 14 from the Pyramid in Memphis, Tennessee!
MAIN EVENT: CAGE MATCH – Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Mr. McMahon
Last Man Standing Match for the WWF Championship: Mankind (c) vs. The Rock
WWF Intercontinental Championship: Ken Shamrock (c) vs. Val Venis
WWF Hardcore Championship: Road Dogg (c) vs. Al Snow