WWF: St. Valentine’s Day Massacre – In Your House
February 14, 1999
Memphis, TN
The Pyramid

The current WWF champs are as follows:
WWF Champion: Mankind (1/31/1999)
Intercontinental Champion: Ken Shamrock (10/12/1998)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett (1/25/1999)
European Champion: X-Pac (10/18/1998)
Light Heavyweight Champion: Duane Gill (11/23/1998)
Hardcore Champion: Vacant (2/14/1999)
Women’s Champion: Sable (11/15/1998)

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. Huge “Jerry” chants for the hometown boy.

• Goldust vs. Bluedust

Naturally, Blue Meanie has no chance. Goldust beats him from pillar to post and gives Bluedust a wedgie before spanking him all over the ring. Meanie does manage to avoid Shattered Dreams, but completely misses his Flying Moonsault. That sets up the CURTAIN CALL for the three-count. (3:07) Goldust gets the crowd going and delivers SHATTERED DREAMS for the fans. Wait, wasn’t he the heel going into this? I can’t keep track. 1/4*

They take us back to HeAT as Vince McMahon tries to force Stone Cold Steve Austin’s hand.

• Vacant WWF Hardcore Championship: Al Snow vs. Bob Holly

It was mentioned on HeAT that Road Dogg was injured on RAW Saturday Night and therefore had to vacate the Hardcore title. I guess he wasn’t all that hardcore after all, eh? No, actually, Road Dogg left for a few weeks to go to rehab. Cole reminds us that Bob Holly had a “cup of coffee” with the IC title and that he’s a former WWF tag team champion as well. They immediately head to the floor where Snow blasts Holly with a chair. The brawl continues through the crowd where Holly shoots a fire extinguisher in Snow’s eyes and smashes something over Al’s head. Snow forces Holly back behind the curtain with the fire extinguisher. A trash can gets slammed on Snow. Al punches back, grabs a phone receiver from a pay phone, tells Holly to “reach out and touch somebody”, and then hits him in the face with the phone. HOW CUTE. They continue their way out the building hitting each other with random objects found around the backstage area. Snow bounces Holly’s head a few times off of a WWF trailer. Holly sends Snow into a “fire lane” sign and beats him with it. SNOW IS LAUGHING! Holly covers for two. Snow channels his inner Avatar and kicks Holly around as they continue to brawl outside the Pyramid. Lawler is concerned they might end up in the Mississippi River. Snow introduces Holly to his girlfriend named Barbie Wire. HA. Holly fights back and smashes a stop sign over Snow’s back. Holly finds a wheelbarrow, but Snow punches him back. It looked like Snow wanted to take Holly for a ride in the wheelbarrow until the wheelbarrow turned over on them. Oh well, after some more back and forth fighting, Snow throws Holly into the river. Snow tries to leap on him, but Holly ducks and Snow goes flying into the river. Once they crawl out of the water, Snow leaves Holly behind to find a roll of cyclone fencing when Holly whacks him over the head with a tree branch that bounces off Snow and whacks the cameraman. Snow kicks out at two. Holly goes and rolls out the cyclone fencing. Snow fights back with kidney shots, but Holly kicks Snow in the nuts a few times and rolls him up in the cyclone fencing. Holly lays on top of Snow and gets the three-count to win the title. (10:02) While the two titles don’t necessarily hold a lot of meaning, it is wild to think that Duane Gill and Bob Holly are holding two different titles at the same time considering their histories in the WWF to this point in time. This match was unique as far as two guys fighting into the Mississippi River, but that’s about it as far as standing out from among the endless hardcore matches that were booked during the Attitude Era. I thought they had a cool thing going with Road Dogg that unfortunately came to an end due to his personal issues. **

Earlier Today on WWF.com: It looks like the UNDERTAKER has his MINISTRY OF DARKNESS living under a bridge somewhere. He instructs Mideon to take the Big Boss Man’s soul and says their purpose begins tonight. Well, that’s good to know.

• The Big Boss Man vs. Mideon

I get that the Undertaker doesn’t much care for Vince McMahon, but this Corporation vs. Ministry of Darkness feud feels forced. No? Mideon carries his third eye with him to the ring and leaves it with Lawler. Cole thinks this will be a “good one” for no good reason. It’s heel versus heel, so the crowd is dead. Boss Man delivers some NASTY punches to Mideon to take him down in the corner. “MINISTRY SUCKS ASS!”, says Boss Man. Mideon returns the favor, but Boss Man hits him with a low blow. To the floor we go, Boss Man misses a chairshot up against the ringpost. Selling his hand, Mideon bounces Boss Man’s hand off the steps. Wait, is the guy carrying an eyeball to the ring the babyface here after all? What’s happening? More back and forth brawling. Boss Man avalanches Mideon and then hits the Boss Man Straddle to lead to the slide and uppercut. The crowd chants “boring” and it’s LOUD. Boss Man applies a full nelson, but then Mideon counters with a crappy suplex. That gets two. Boss Man punches back, but Mideon backdrops a piledriver away. Double KO ensues. Next thing you know as it looks like Mideon is going to put away Boss Man, he runs into the BOSS MAN SLAM and Boss Man gets the three-count. (6:20) After the bell, VISCERA joins the ACOLYTES and the BROOD at ringside. Next thing you know, the lights go out and the UNDERTAKER’S music hits. Here comes Taker with Paul Bearer as they head to the aisle to watch the Ministry of Darkness beat down Boss Man. Everybody holds down Boss Man so that Viscera can punish him with splashes. Once he’s seemingly unconscious, they carry him up the aisle back to the locker room. It looks like they accomplished what they set out to do, but why Boss Man? WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO YOU GUYS? Match was a snoozefest. ½*

Kevin Kelly meets with D’LO BROWN, MARK HENRY, and IVORY backstage. Essentially, Ivory will rip the clothes off Debra’s back if she sticks her nose in their match tonight. SHE BETTA RECOGNIZE.

• WWF World Tag Team Championship: Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett (w/Debra) vs. D’Lo Brown & Mark Henry (w/Ivory)

On this fine Valentine’s Day, Mark presents Ivory with roses and chocolate. Cole thinks Mark is “childlike” when it comes to women. Lawler thinks Owen is trying to rope-a-dope Henry to start, which looks the same as getting their butt whooped. In comes D’Lo, Owen comes back with a bulldog and tags out. D’Lo powerslams Jarrett for two. Henry walks in and clotheslines down both Jarrett and Owen. That brings Debra on the apron to flirt with Mark, but D’Lo points Henry over to Ivory. Jarrett takes back over with an armbreaker DDT. They try getting heat on D’Lo for a while. Owen hits a spinebuster and Jarrett comes off the second rope with a fist drop. The Boss Man Straddle to D’Lo misses, but Owen knocks down D’Lo from the apron. Tag to Owen, he lands the ENZIGURI OF CERTAIN DEMISE for two. Double back elbow lands on D’Lo for a nearfall. Jarrett wears down D’Lo with a chinlock, but Brown elbows out. Blind tag to Owen, he nails D’Lo with a Spinning Heel Kick for two. The tag champs draw in Henry to kicks D’Lo in the nuts. Owen corners D’Lo for the ten-count punch, but D’Lo counters with the Running Powerbomb. Not very hot tag to Henry, he runs wild on the tag champs until he misses an avalanche. D’Lo dishes out a pair of heel kicks and hits the SKY HIGH on Jarrett for 1-2-NO! D’Lo Leg Drop to Owen connects as D’Lo heads up top. Debra lets D’Lo see down her blazer until Ivory pulls her down the steps. While D’Lo gets in between the women, Owen KABONGS Henry in his injured right knee. That’s enough for Jarrett to slap on the FIGURE-FOUR for the easy submission victory. (9:34) Afterwards, Ivory rips at Debra’s blazer to get everybody excited for some boobies. It could have been a better match had Henry not been injured, but D’Lo is still awesome and it was maybe as good as it could have been. Surprisingly, even with all of his Tennessee traditions, nobody seemed to care for Jeff Jarrett in Memphis. You would at least think there would perhaps be a weird babyface switch here, but there wasn’t any heat at all for this match. Jarrett might have as well have been from Seattle. *½

Anyways, another thing that has pissed me off about the tag team division lately is how a team like D’Lo and Mark have been teaming for months (longer if you count the Nation of Domination days) and they get title match after title match to fail every time, but Owen and Jarrett are just thrown together and given the tag belts like it’s nothing (much like Boss Man and Shamrock before them). Now maybe D’Lo and Mark could have won the tag belts here had Henry not been hurt, but who knows. Owen and Jarrett seemingly only have the belts because they have Debra in their corner, not necessarily because they work well together as a heel team, which you could argue Henry and D’Lo have infinitely more on-screen chemistry.

Kevin Kelly checks with MANKIND backstage to see how he’s doing after the Rock tried to injure his knee on HeAT. Mankind has a game plan he intends to stick to, which will make him a very ugly person, if you can believe that.

• Special Referee: Billy Gunn – WWF Intercontinental Championship: Ken Shamrock (c) vs. Val Venis (w/Ryan Shamrock)

I mean, would *you* want Val Venis dating your sister? I don’t think so. Billy Gunn volunteered last night on RAW Saturday Night to be the special referee – not like he has an ax to grind with Shamrock or anything. Shamrock charges the ring and swings at Venis, but Val ducks and starts slugging on him. Val delivers corner to corner running clotheslines for a less than interested two-count from Gunn. High head kick by Shamrock turns the tide. Shamrock whips Venis hard from corner to corner and puts him down with a clothesline. When Shamrock goes to the floor to pound Venis on the apron, Gunn gets in his face to tell him to get back in the ring. He’s wearing the stripes, ya know. Billy makes sure to take a moment and check out Ryan’s booty, too. Back inside, we get some more real methodical work from Shamrock. Venis blocks a vertical suplex and answers with one of his own. There’s a comeback from Venis as he connects with an inverted atomic drop. No heat for the comeback either. Gunn makes another slow two-count. Venis lands a butterfly suplex and a backbreaker as Val bends Shamrock over his knee. To the floor we go, Venis runs Shamrock’s back into the ringpost a few times. In the ring, Venis applies a camel clutch, which is an odd hold for the babyface. Shamrock breaks free and gets angry, but Venis keeps cutting him off and wearing him down. Shamrock once again is able to escape, but runs into a knee. Val covers him for another delayed two-count. Venis telegraphs a backdrop and Shamrock hits a DDT for 1-2-WHAT. Gunn refuses to count to three. Shamrock argues with Gunn, but then Venis grabs a sleeperhold only for Shamrock to counter with a back suplex. Shamrock catches Venis with a powerslam, but only gets two. Venis finds a Fisherman’s Suplex for two. Shamrock grabs La Magistral cradle (!!) for two. Venis lands the Kobashi knees and the Russian legsweep. He does the big Rick Rude hip swivel over Shamrock and starts to pound on him, but Gunn wants Val to open up those hands. Val looks for the Money Shot, but Shamrock slams him down and delivers a jumping hip attack. The Hurracanrana and the Belly to Belly Suplex gets Shamrock to SNAP. It’s ANKLELOCK time. Val crawls towards Ryan and she helps drag him to the ropes. Well, Ken sees exactly what happened and goes out to confront his sister. He asks her what she’s doing (and then he tells her to slap him because she’s a newbie) and she slaps him. When Gunn tries to get Shamrock back in the ring, Shamrock shoves him back. Gunn slugs Shamrock and throws him in the ring to Val. Venis puts Shamrock in an inside cradle and Gunn FAST COUNTS Shamrock. (15:52) We have a *NEW* WWF Intercontinental champion. Shamrock meets Gunn in the aisle to give him a beating before giving up and going home. Gunn then runs back to the ring and beats up Venis to show he doesn’t actually care about him winning, which just makes Venis look bad as the new champion. Whatever. Ryan helps up her man and they leave one “happy” couple. This was a mess. Shamrock was VERY sick at the time and you could tell something wasn’t right with him the whole match as he was working at half speed. Also, Gunn’s shtick of being the “referee who didn’t care” sucked any drama the match might have had, and the finish was pretty lame. Unfortunately, Shamrock’s 125 day reign as IC champ (longest single reign since Razor Ramon’s run in late 94) ended not with a bang but with a series of coughs instead. *½

Get your MR. SOCKO t-shirt for only $25 bucks.

• Triple H & X-Pac vs. Kane & Chyna (w/Shane McMahon)

WHY CHYNA, WHY? In the DX pre-match smack talk, Triple H calls Chyna “jacked up bitch.” He even wears a Chyna shirt under his DX gear. Naturally, he rips it off his chest, wipes his butt with it, and throws it in Chyna’s face. Funny how important “t-shirts” were during this era in both WCW and WWF. Shane joins Cole and Lawler for extra special commentary, which basically consists of him cheering on Kane and Chyna and saying “X-Punk” a million times. Kane handles the DX boys pretty easily to start. Chyna wants a tag. She slugs X-Pac and runs him down. Chyna quickly misses a corner charge, but avoids the Bronco Buster. Wow, the crowd was really excited for the possibility of that happening. Kane tags back in against Chyna’s wishes, but a tag’s a tag. X-Pac goes to work on chopping down Kane. It’s just not enough though. Kane has to get double-teamed so DX can take over. Triple H slugs Kane coming off the top rope (!!) and it’s as awkward as you can imagine it would be. Kane reverses a whip on Triple H and Chyna nails Triple H coming off the ropes. As Triple H goes after Chyna, Kane drills Triple H from behind and then hits the Flying Clothesline. Tag to Chyna, she and Triple H battle over a vertical suplex. Chyna lands on her feet however and slugs Triple H back only to stagger into a slam from Chyna. She misses an elbow drop off the ropes and in comes X-Pac. She breaks free from X-Pac and Kane gets tagged. He continues to get double-teamed by DX. They go back and forth on a double suplex and finally DX takes Kane over. Chyna wants to attack from the top rope, but Triple H tosses her into Kane who then catches her in mid-air. Kane sets her down, but then turns around into a double DDT from Triple H and X-Pac – followed by a double clothesline to the floor. Kane lands on his feet (naturally) and drags X-Pac out to the floor. Kane misses a charge up against the ringpost and then X-Pac EXPLODES onto Shane McMahon to shut him up. Back inside, Kane catches a spinning heel kick and slams him down. Shane promises X-Pac will PAY. The Corporation crew continue to get heat on X-Pac. Chyna grounds X-Pac with a chinlock and the arm drops once, twice, but not three times. He fights out with a back suplex and the crowd is waking up. Triple H gets a tag and the match breaks down. Kane and X-Pac are on the floor and X-Pac gets thrown into the barricade. Meanwhile, Triple H hits Chyna with the High Knee. He comes off the ropes, but Kane pulls the top rope down to send Triple H out to the floor. As they brawl up the aisle and ref Tim White goes after them for some reason, X-Pac hits Chyna with the Bronco Buster. With X-Pac’s back turned, Shane runs in the ring and nails X-Pac. X-Pac then gives chase after Shane leaving Triple H alone with Kane and Chyna. Kane takes a ride into the steps to take him out. Now it’s 1-on-1 between Triple H and Chyna. She telegraphs a backdrop into a Triple H Facebuster. Just when it looks like it’s Pedigree time, Kane appears and goozles Triple H for a CHOKESLAM. Kane then puts Chyna on top of Triple H and ref Tim White shows back up to count the pinfall. (14:46) You have to hand it to everybody involved here: they did the best they could in a “green” situation. Chyna is pretty over, but the way she got the pinfall makes it really easy for the Corporation to mock Triple H tomorrow night on RAW for losing to a GIRRRL – even though this “girl” is well, Chyna. We’ll see where it goes next. **½   

• Last Man Standing Match for the WWF Championship: Mankind (c) vs. The Rock

Mankind turns his back on the Rock to start and lets him beat him up. I know they are referencing the Royal Rumble where he was handcuffed, but I don’t know how else to explain it. Rock kicks at Mankind’s legs, which we are told were worked over on Sunday Night Heat. Mankind nails Rock with the WWF title and gets an eight-count. They brawl out up the aisle, over to the entrance set, and on a technical equipment table where Mankind drops Rock through with a DDT. Back to ringside, Rock takes a ride into the steps. Way more offense here from Mankind than what we got at the Rumble. In the ring, Mankind wants to do the People’s Elbow. Rock won’t have it and moves out of the way. Back on the floor, Rock delivers THREE suplexes. While ref Hebner is counting Mankind, Rock goes over and steals Michael Cole’s headset to “entertain” the people. Mankind comes over and does a CANNONBALLLLLL onto Rock before punching the crap out of him. With Rock draped over the announce table, Mankind gives him the Cactus Elbow. Back inside, Mankind brings the top half of the stairs with him and gets them kicked back in his face. Rock finds a chair and starts whacking at the knee with the idea that if you can’t stand up, you can’t win the match. Rock tries one chairshot too many as Mankind ducks, causing the chair to bounce off the top rope and back in his face! Cactus Clothesline and we’re back on the floor. Over on the announce table, Rock backdrops away a Pull-Up Piledriver, which sends Mankind’s leg crashing onto the timekeeper’s table. To make matters even worse, Rock picks up the steps that were laying in the ring and drops them down onto Mankind’s leg. Once Mankind gets to his feet, Rock brings him back inside for the CORPORATE ELBOW. Rock gets on the mic and complains to the ref for counting too slow. He spouts off some catchphrases and does his tribute to Elvis Presley. Mankind shuts him up with the MANDIBLE CLAW. During the struggle, Hebner gets knocked out to the floor, unable to count Rock out once Mankind has him incapacitated. Even with Mankind helping Earl count, Rock is up at eight. Rock hits Mankind with a DDT, but then Mankind returns the favor with a DOUBLE-ARM DDT on a chair! He gets to his feet at the count of nine. Meanwhile, Mr. Socko makes an appearance. ROCK BOTTOM to Mankind stops the MANDIBLE CLAW. Once both men stand up, they knock each other out with chairshots! Ref Hebner counts to ten and the match is declared a draw? (21:53) What a bull crap cheap finish. Whatever happened to the days when this would happen and the first guy to his feet wins? This was actually looking to be one of my favorite of their matches until the finish. To stress the seriousness of the finish, both men do stretcher jobs to the back. Nevertheless, the ending set up the ladder match for the next night on RAW where Rock regained the WWF title to take us into WrestleMania XV. ***¼

• Cage Match: Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon

The Austin-McMahon feud finally comes to this. If Austin wins, he gets a WWF title shot at WrestleMania. If he loses, no deal. You’ve probably seen the face smash that Austin gives McMahon while they are both on the cage that sends Vince flying down onto the announce table. Vince gets carried out on a stretcher for that bump, but Austin isn’t done with this particular can he has opened up on him. Not by a long shot. He brings Vince back into the cage and beats the heck out of him some more. As he starts to leave, Vince gives him the bird. Austin does more of the same, and Vince gives him the bird. Once Austin hits the STONE COLD STUNNER, PAUL WIGHT (the Big Show) debuts and pops up from underneath the mat to toss Austin into the cage wall, which breaks loose and Austin lands on the floor to win the match to go to WrestleMania XV. (7:52) Fantastic booking that went exactly how it should have gone down. Probably the best thing Vince Russo ever booked in his entire life. BLOOD COUNT: Vince McMahon. *½

Final Thoughts: The last hour and a half saved this show from a total snoozer. Before the DX and Corporation tag match, you had a disappointing IC title match (due to unfortunate circumstances!) and a bunch of other matches that didn’t have any heat to them or were very interesting at all. However, the Austin/McMahon cage match is one of those rare occasions where the blow-off didn’t need to be an EPIC encounter because you’re so invested in those characters and their feud. The Rock and Mankind match was very entertaining and could be a MOTYC with a better finish. By the way, each of their four PPV matches had ended in a screwjob finish, so I don’t know why people were surprised. The DX and Corporation tag while not a great match was also very entertaining with a finish that makes you want to know what happens next. Overall, I’m giving the penultimate In Your House a “thumbs in the middle”.