Drama’s Smackdown Report 3/27/09

Friday Night Smackdown!
March 27, 2009
Kansas City, Missouri
Jim Ross and Tazz

OPENING ANIMATION

We get right down to business on Smackdown with a huge opening match.

CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, US Champion MVP, and Mark Henry vs. Shelton Benjamin, Kane, Finlay, and Christian

Strange combination to put this match together. Kofi starts with Christian and they lock up. Kofi with a waistlock, but Christian with an armbar. Kofi kicks out and cinches a quick headlock. Kofi with a leapfrog but Christian with a reverse elbow. Off the ropes and Kofi with double leapfrogs and an elbow for 2. Christian with a right hand, but Kofi whips Christian into the corner. Kofi misses the charge, and Christian snaps Kofi’s neck on the top rope. Christian with a reverse DDT for 2. Kofi with some right hands, and a tag to Punk. Kofi with a suplex and Punk with Rolling Thunder. Punk with right hands, but Christian with a shot. Punk catches Christian in the corner and hits a cool crucifix hooked to the top rope. Punk with a high cross body for 2. Christian with a tag to Finlay, and he smacks Punk with a clothesline for 2. Punk with a low kick but Finlay with forearms. Punk whips Finlay into the corner but walks into a clothesline. Finlay misses a big punch, and Punk goes for the GTS, but Kane with a boot to the face. Kane, on Finlay’s team roughs up his own partner. Mayhem as we go to break. When we return Punk is being held by the leg via Shelton Benjamin, as Punk is trying for a tag. He kicks Benjamin off and tags Mark Henry. These 8 man tags are clusterfucks. I’d rather watch 4 separate singles matches. Benjamin tags Kane and the big boys are in the ring. They double shoulder block, then Kane with a right hand, but Henry reverses a whip and hits a corner clothesline. Henry holds Kane out and MVP tags himself in. MVP with right hands but Kane throws some back. Tag to Benjamin and he and MVP go at it. JR announces that next week on Smackdown Shelton Benjamin will get his US Title rematch with MVP. Benjamin with a boot to MVP’s ribs, and now an armbar. MVP gets up and punches out of the armbar. Off the ropes and Benjamin with a back drop, and he tags Kane. Kane with a boot to the gut, and an elbow to the head. Kane with more right hands and elbows in the corner. MVP off the ropes gets a boot to Kane’s face, and he tags Punk in. Punk with punches and kicks, but Kane reverses a bulldog, then eats a thrust kick. Kane whips Punk into the ropes and gets hit with double mule kick. Punk goes to the top rope, but Kane catches him by the throat and chokeslams him for the win. WINNERS: Kane, Christian, Shelton Benjamin & Finlay (Grade: 2)

-Now we get the clichéd brawl between all 8 guys after the match. Christian pulls a ladder from under the ring, climbs it and was about to grab the briefcase, but Hornswoggle and Finlay push the ladder and Christian flies into the crowd.

-Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger will sing the National Anthem at Wrestlemania.

Handicap match: Jesse & Festus vs. Big Show

I don’t like this at all. I don’t care about Jesse, but Festus doesn’t deserve to be jobbed like this. The bell rings, Festus charges and Show knocks him down. Show starts chopping the crap out of Jesse. Show turns around and Festus with a boot to the chest, but Show with a knee lift. Festus takes a big chop, then is whipped into the ropes and eats a boot. Show with a boot to the ribs and some choking. Show with another chop to Festus’ chest, then manhandles him out of the ring. Festus gets back in and Show whips him into the corner. Show charges but Festus with the double boots. Jesse with a flying elbow off the shoulders of Festus, and Festus with a big boot finally knocks Show down. Festus gets a 1 count. Show cracks Festus with a right hand to knock him out. Show both chokeslams and knocks out Jesse to finish it. WINNER: Big Show (Grade: 1)

-We get yet another 12 Rounds trailer, as it opened today Friday.

-There will be a Wrestlemania Axxess this year in Houston. We then recap the saga between Jeff and Matt Hardy, starting with Matt’s heel turn at the Royal Rumble. We return to Matt Hardy in the locker room holding a dog that looks like Jeff’s late dog Jack. Matt says Jeff has been hounded by the black cloud his entire life, and the fire at his house was the kicker. Matt says Jeff lost everything he ever worked for, including his paintings, recordings and even his best friend Jack, who looked like the dog Matt had in his lap. Matt says Wrestlemania XXV was a day he’s been waiting for his entire life. Matt hopes Jeff his watching, because at Wrestlemania he’ll take Jeff to the extreme. Matt says he knows Jeff has a fire burning inside him, but at Wrestlemania Matt says he’ll extinguish it, and the black cloud. Jeff will be left as a selfish, heartless child. He nuzzles the dog, then glares into the camera.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

We reignite one of the most vicious feuds of the decade. Chavo with a hammerlock on Rey to start. Rey snaps out of it but Chavo with forearms. Off the ropes and Rey uses Chavo’s momentum to toss him out of the ring. Rey with a hurricanrana over the ropes tosses Chavo a few feet on the floor. Both men head into the ring, as Rey heads to the top rope but Chavo catches him up there. Chavo with a hurricanrana of his own off the top rope for 2. Chavo with boots to Rey’s ribs and a waistlock. Chavo changes it into a reverse chinlock. Rey with a boot to the head breaks the hold. Rey with kicks to the legs, and a kick to the head. He bounces off the ropes and goes for something but Chavo catches him and ties him to the tree of “Joey Lawrence”, Woe. Chavo charges but Rey’s balance lifts up, and Chavo goes into the post. Rey with the West Coast Pop and a splash for 2. Chavo goes for the Sunset Flip but Rey rolls out of it and hits the low drop kick for 2. Rey into the ropes, Chavo goes for a piledriver, but hits a flapjack for 2. Rey with a flip and Chavo is set up for the 619, but Chavo ducks out of the way and hits the 3 Amigos, but its really 2 ½ as Rey avoids the third one, but then gets hit with a back suplex. Chavo goes to the top rope, presumably for the Frog Splash but he misses. Rey whips Chavo into the rope, and this time hits the 619. Rey goes to the top rope, hits the big splash and wins it. WINNER: Rey Mysterio (Grade: 2.5)

-Just as the match ends JBL comes out of nowhere and crushes Rey with a big boot to the head.

-We go back to Monday night when John Cena read his Get Well Card to Vickie Guerrero. When we return from break, THE (former) CHAMP IS HERE. John Cena comes in to a pretty raucous ovation. Cena says for weeks now, everyone has heard from every marquee superstar about the importance of Wrestlemania. He promises that every word is true. Cena says if the fans don’t believe him, well in less than a week 75 tractor trailer trucks will ride up the highway and transform Houston, Texas. Cena says 25 years ago what started as one magical night at Madison Square Garden, has evolved into a week-long festival for the WWE Universe. Cena says at Wrestlemania there will be superstars, celebrities and so much pyrotechnics it will shake the earth down to its very core. Cena says what the WWE Universe understands, is that beyond the glitz and glamour is the heartbeat of the WWE, when all the problems in the WWE Universe will be solved. Cena says some are professional, and some are very personal. In Cena’s case, he’s involved in both. He’s stuck in a love triangle that he can’t get out of, and he even had to stoop to blackmail to get his World Heavyweight Title shot, and he’d do it again. He says Edge, Big Show and Vickie have taken the World Title hostage and at Wrestlemania he’s taking it back. At Wrestlemania Cena says Edge and Big Show are fighting for Vickie’s heart. Cena says he’s going to Wrestlemania to do one thing: Win the World Heavyweight Champion. Suddenly a familiar tune hits, and the Big Show comes back out after beating up Jesse & Festus earlier in the evening. Big Show says Cena can come out here and belittle the love that he and Vickie Guerrero have. But Show says what Cena doesn’t understand is that this love is making him stronger. Show says Edge found out how strong it makes him. Show says on Raw he wants to show Cena Monday night on Raw about that strength. Cena accepts, and as Show leaves Cena grabs his leg and pitches him out of the ring to the floor. Cena’s trying to bring some teeth to this storyline but it’s just not there right now. It needs a big moment like Orton/HHH had last Monday.

R-Truth vs. Matt Hardy

They start swinging at each other, then Truth is grabbed by the legs and dumped on his head with a wheelbarrow suplex. Matt starts punching away and some reverse elbows. Matt comes off the second rope with an elbow. They exchange forearms, but Matt with a clothesline to the corner. Matt goes for a bulldog but Truth pushes him off into the corner. Truth with some right hands and a clothesline for 2. Matt’s whipped into the corner but he swings a reverse elbow. Matt comes off the second turnbuckle but Truth with a drop kick in mid-air for 2. Truth whips Matt into the corner but misses his spin kick. Truth gets up slowly and Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, then Truth hits his spin kick, but Truth only gets a 2 count. Truth tries again, but Matt hits the Twist of Fate this time and gets the 3 count. WINNER: Matt Hardy (Grade: 2)

-We go back to Monday, and the awesome exchange between Undertaker and Shawn Michaels, with Shawn having that awesome promo from the cemetery when he ripped off Taker’s 16 victories, then had the tombstone with “16-1” on it.

WWE Tag Team Champions the Colon Brothers & Brie Bella vs. World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz, and Nikki Bella

Miz starts with Primo and a hammerlock by the baby Colon. Miz with a reverse elbow breaks it. Morrison with a cheap shot near the ropes and Miz starts punching down Primo. Miz blind tags Morrison, and then Miz catapaults Primo into Morrison’s forearm, then Morrison leaps over the rope and drops an elbow. Morrison stomps the gut, and kicks Primo in the face for 2. Primo with a jawjacker and a kick, which allows him to tag Carlito who goes off on Morrison with punches and knee lifts. Morrison with a spinning neckbreaker for 2. Miz comes in to break the count but Carlito kicks both as they put their heads down, and then he and Primo with double drop kicks. Primo baseball slides Miz out of the ring, and then the Bella Twins start catfighting outside. In the ring Morrison with a roll-up on Carlito for 2, then out of the blue Carlito hits the Backstabber for the 3 count. WINNERS: Colon Brothers & Brie Bella

-We return from break with the reminder that Detroit’s Kid Rock will be at Wrestlemania, and one of the 5000 official theme songs of Wrestlemania XXV is “So Hott”. Jeff Hardy is now sitting in front of us in a studio, talking about being born first and watching him be born. He talks in literary terms, but he pretty much tells Matt Hardy they’re no longer brothers, and at Wrestlemania he’ll take away what Matt holds so dear: His dignity. We then go to last week’s Raw, when we saw “Orton’s Law” on the McMahon family.

Divas Championship: Maryse © vs. Michelle McCool

There is ZERO heat for this match. McCool’s heel heat is squat, then again with two heels does anyone really care? They lock up and push off. Lock up again and they keep pushing each other until they fall out of the ring, keep pushing on the floor then finally let go. They both get into the ring and lock up again, this time more pushing and Michelle takes Maryse down. They roll around and Michelle with a knee to the gut. Michelle takes Maryse down and the French-Canadian hurts her knee. Michelle works the knee over until Maryse kicks her out of the ring. Michelle smacks Maryse in the face and gets back in the ring. Maryse kicks her back out of the ring and Maryse follows. They battle outside as Maryse slams Michelle’s head everywhere. Both are back in the ring and Maryse with a kick to Michelle’s back for 2. Maryse with forearms (and lousy ones at that). Off the ropes and Michelle with a boot to the head and a drop kick to the injured knee. Suddenly out of nowhere, Gail Kim missile drop kicks Michelle McCool, forcing the DQ. She grabs the belt and holds it over both blondes. Nice debut, although the crowd was flat. WINNER: Michelle McCool by disqualification (Grade: .5)

-Yet ANOTHER 12 Rounds trailer. YAWWWWWWWN.

-We return for our final segment, and we start with the Druids music. However the Druids come out wearing white, very un-Undertaker like. Then a figure stands at the top of the ramp as the entire arena fills with smoke. This figure is dressed like the Undertaker but in all white. Clearly it’s not Undertaker, and sure enough after mimicking Taker’s entrance, including the standing at the steps and the raising of the hands, when the hat comes off its Shawn Michaels, who whips the hat into the ring. He grabs the mike and says in the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. HBK continues to quote the Bible, in particular the creation passages in Genesis. Shawn says even though he and Undertaker have been together in the WWE for nearly 20 years, they’ve taken different paths. Yet there’s many similarities, and they’ve been both criticized and praised. However Shawn says that’s where the similiarities end. He says Undertaker is the purest form of evil, walking amongst the shadows. HBK says he walks in the spotlight. Undertaker strikes fear in his opponents, but HBK says he’s in this ring unafraid. HBK says he’s defeated Undertaker, so he has eternal life. HBK says his Wrestlemania streak, is not eternal. HBK says when Undertaker faces Mr. Wrestlemania, the Icon, the Main Event, the streak will come to a very grisly end. HBK says at the 25th Anniversary of Wrestlemania, the Heartbreak Kid will take Undertaker to the fiery depths of hell, where only HBK will ascend and be victorious. The Druids music plays again, then the HBK theme plays, and yes, I KNEW IT. He starts taking the outfit off and the 1997 swagger returns. However Undertaker comes up through the ring and goes after HBK. Taker lifts him up for a chokeslam but HBK grabs the ropes and escapes. Shawn starts dancing up the ramp and we’re off the air. Awesome promo that truly makes this match the showcase of April 5.

FINAL GRADE: B-

MVP: Shawn Michaels
Runner Up: Gail Kim
Non MVP: Morrison/Miz