Bigelow’s Raw Report 8/17/09
Monday Night Raw 8/17/09
St. Louis, MO
Announcers: Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler
– We open this week’s show with our animation before heading inside the Scottrade Center where we are live and in high definition. Michael Cole welcomes us to St. Louis and we are six days away from Summerslam…so we may even get some build up here tonight! DX is in the house tonight after last week’s reformation. Lillian then brings out this week’s host: Freddie Prinze, Jr. Freddie is pretty pumped as he runs down the ramp and he even gets a warm reception from the fans. He grabs the mic and tells us he is a lifelong WWE fan and is why he is here. From his hundreds of action figures to his Coliseum Home Videos all the way to the vomit inducing ice cream bars, the WWE was his life. I liked those ice cream bars. And now tonight, he gets to be in charge, but it isn’t about him, it is about the fans. He is going to start Summerslam here tonight as the Divas and US Championships will be defended. Tonight also marks the return of DX. Before he can continue, we are interrupted by some ominous music and a weird dude in a trench coat with a hook in his hand. And apparently it’s a spoof of I Know What You Did Last Summer. He knows what Freddie did last summer. He knows that Freddie will put him in a movie…and he unmasks to reveal Santino! He has written his own screenplay called I Know What You Did 12 Summers Ago and he can be really evil. He is very versatile and can even be in a romantic comedy. He takes off the coat to reveal a gray sweatshirt. He puts on a wig and glasses as some sappy guitar music plays. He is a nerd but Freddie made a bet with the guy from the Fast and the Furious and he is now a sexy hot guy. Freddie “The Prince” Junior and Santino Marella can star in He’s All That. He then realizes he needs something more current and he asks if Freddie needs a partner when he is in 24 this season. He rips off the sweatshirt to reveal a bulletproof vest and then accosts Lillian and grills her about a bomb. He tells Freddie to call his wife, the werewolf killer, and tell her he is a great actor. Freddie tells him to go rehearse for the next two hours and Santino eats it up and goes running off to practice. Freddie is glad it wasn’t a Scooby Doo joke. He tells us that he won’t make us wait for the main event…but before he can finish, he is now interrupted by Randy Orton. Randy hits the ring as grabs a mic. He is getting a split reaction here from his hometown fans. Tonight he has to team up with John Cena and he doesn’t like it, so he won’t do it. Freddie reminds Randy that they are in St. Louis, his hometown. Randy doesn’t care about disappointing the fans, natch. He is WWE Champion and this is all about him. He won’t ask again…he wants out of the match. Freddie respects Randy but he isn’t Seth Green or Jeremy Piven. He won’t be bullied and he will not change Sgt. Slaughter’s match. Orton will team up with Cena tonight to take on Jericho and Show. Freddie starts to walk away, but Orton grabs him, holds him for a couple beats and then drops him with a great inverted backbreaker. Freddie took that like a rock star. The crowd starts chanting for an “RKO” but Orton just glares out at them. The crowd slowly starts to boo Randy as he leaves and we go to break. That was a great opening segment. Prinze was really good and Santino was epic as always. That backbreaker bump was stiff too.
– When we return, we get a quick recap of Orton’s assault on Prinze. Lawler apologizes to Freddie on behalf of WWE and Cole tells us Freddie was taken to a hospital for observation. We then head down to the ring for our opener.
1) Kofi Kingston vs. Carlito for the United States Championship
Kofi percolates out to the ring, US title in tow. We get some highlights from Superstars when Kofi teamed up with Mickie to take on Carlito and Rosa with Carlito pinning Kofi for the win. Carlito and Rosa head out next and we are good to go. Kofi gets a pair of near falls to start things off but Carlito drills him from behind to turn the tables. Anyone else think a hair vs. title match could be a good little piece of business for these two? Kofi writhes on the floor as we take a break. When we return, Carlito has Kofi locked in a rear chinlock and Cole lets us know that Kofi is “in a world of trouble!’ Carlito hit a dropkick and a nice springboard axehandle during the break. Kofi fights back but eats a stiff kick to the face leading to a Carlito near fall. Carlito shows nice fire as he stomps Kofi to the mat in the corner. Carlito goes back to the chinlock as the crowd tries to rally Kofi a bit. He gets back into things with a side Russian legsweep and some chops. Kofi hits a leaping clothesline and drops the Boom legdrop for two. He gets another off a nice body press. The crowd is pretty into this one. Kofi lands a huge uppercut for two. Kofi catches him with a nice kick in the corner and hits another cross body, but Carlito rolls through for two. This has developed into quite the little TV match. Carlito ducks Kofi and hits a neckbreaker for a really close near fall. Carlito lines up the Backstabber, but Kofi shoves him off and nails the TIP for the win. Damn, we need more of these competitive TV matches for the champions as it really gets them over as legit players instead of placeholders. Controlled frenzy FTW! Kingston d. Carlito with the Trouble in Paradise; Grade: 2
– We are back and checking out the St. Louis Arch as Cole talks about what is still to come tonight, namely DX. And we get a look at DX’s greatest hits, including some classics from the old days! The Crock just came from the bathroom! I may have to toss in the old DX home video later tonight now. The contrast between the 1997 and 2006 stuff is striking…and not in a good way. The WWE.com poll question of the night asks if Cena & Orton can defeat Show & Jericho here tonight. And with that, we head back to the ring.
2) Miz vs. Evan Bourne
And fresh off of stealing his job back last week, Miz makes his way out to the ring. We get a clip from last week of the Calgary Kid beating Eugene and earning a Raw contract. He stands before us a new man, with a new attitude and look, but the same mouth. Miz now has tights on, featuring a yin yang. He tells us he is starting a quest to become the next US Champion because he is the Miz and he is awesome. And we are heading to break. And when we return, hometown boy Evan Bourne makes his way to a nice pop. Cole talks about Summerslam Axxess, which goes down this weekend in LA. Miz controls off the bell with a flurry of punches. Bourne comes firing back and hits a nice springboard dropkick in the corner. Mix crushes him with a clothesline and gets two. I agree with Cole in that Miz is being quite aggressive in there as he punishes Bourne with some kicks. He locks in a painful looking modified camel clutch. Miz definitely looks more legitimate in the tights. He drills Bourne with the charging corner clothesline but eats a spinning heel kick as he comes off the middle rope. Miz rolls outside and Bourne dives out on top of him knees first. They find their way back in and Bourne drills a dropkick and a standing moonsault for two. Evan heads up top but Miz blocks him. Bourne kicks him off and hops on his shoulders, but Miz wriggles free and drops Bourne with the Skull Crushing Finale, formerly known as the Stroke. Miz will be a star. He has the look for sure. Miz d. Bourne with the Skull Crushing Finale; Grade: 1.5
– We get a replay and a shot of the garage as Cole tells us the arrival of DX is imminent! And we are off to commercial.
– We are back and thanking Aerosmith for “You Gotta Move”, which is the Summerslam theme song. Cole then sends us to a recap of Triple H’s journey over the last two weeks. Back live, the backstage camera catches a DX emblazoned limo pulling into the arena. Triple H emerges, rocking a DX shirt. He walks off and then stops and looks around. He heads back to the door and has to coerce Shawn to get out of the car, which he finally does. Shawn is ready and they start walking. They run into Jillian, who sings the DX theme for us. Triple H grabs a trash can and puts it over her head to shut her up. Hunter says this place never changes because some idiot is always standing around ready to jump out and do something. And on cue, Santino hops down off a stairwell, still acting like he is in CTU and yelling about bombs. Shawn and Hunter stare at him and Shawn drills him with SCM. They walk off and Shawn says his hat and hair are connected in one piece which makes me laugh. We cut to the arena as the DX music fires back up and the crowd starts to buzz. Shawn and Hunter head out and the crowd, they are pumped. DX hits all the usual poses to the delight of the fans. Hunter has the mic and is impressed with that reaction. Hunter asks Shawn if it is good to be back and Shawn says he loves this stuff. Hunter wants to know if we are ready, but before we can answer, Rhodes and DiBiase jump them from behind and commence to beating them down. Hunter fights back a bit, but they take out his knee and keep on the offensive. Cody uses Shawn’s own boot against him as Ted hammers on Hunter. Ted has the mic and says he has the answer to Hunter’s question: they are ready. The crowd is all over Legacy as we head to break. That is the most dominant DiBiase & Rhodes have looked in a long time. A decisive win on Sunday could do wonders for them, but I won’t hold my breath. But…if Vince is really committing to making new stars, they could start there.
– We are back from break and checking out the Legacy assault of DX from mere moments ago. We then head back to the ring for our next Prinze sanctioned title match.
3) Mickie James vs. Gail Kim for the Divas Championship
Mickie skips out, Divas belt in tow. Gail makes her way out to fulfill the title shot she earned a week ago and also give us a Summerslam match six days early. They trade a few holds to start as I wonder if they will shoehorn Beth into the Summerslam match now. They trade inside cradles, rolling all around the ring, in a cool spot. They clothesline each other but both make it back up and slug away. Gail hits a cross body for two but eats a back elbow on a charge. Gail gets a headscissors takeover and lands a missile dropkick for a near fall. The counters continue until Mickie gets a half crab. Gail gets the ropes to force the break but she misses a cross body off the middle rope. Gail blocks the DDT and they collapse to the mat. Mickie lands a spin kick and an elbow to the face and Gail looks out on her feet. Mickie covers the groggy Gail and gets the win in a sloppy match. Mickie d. Gail with an elbow; .5
– Mickie helps Gail to her feet as we go back to the opening segment and Orton’s attack of Freddie Prinze. Cole tells us that Prinze is back in the arena now. Backstage, Josh Matthews is with John Cena. He puts Orton over a bit but says Randy has problems, especially with being a grown man. All he does is whine and complain, but we all have problems, including Cena’s glaring pimple. He goes on a bit as only Cena can, saying he will go out there alone tonight if he has to. After Sunday, the Champ will be here. Chris Jericho walks over and tells Cena that he has a big problem with Chris stemming form Cena dropping him on his head last week. And when someone has beef with Jericho…they also have beef with Show. Show comes in and tells Cena that he may not make it to Summerslam. Jericho smirks and the champs head off as we go to break.
– The Boost Mobile Slam of the Week takes us back to last week when MVP defeated Chris Masters but got beaten down afterwards by Masters and Jack Swagger.
4) MVP vs. Jack Swagger
When we return to the arena, Swagger and MVP are already in the ring and the bell sounds. MVP is all over Swagger with right hands but Jack bails to the floor. MVP goes out and gets him. Swagger catches MVP coming back in and aggressively takes over. Swagger shoves the referee and won’t stop hammering MVP in the corner, so the ref calls for the bell. MVP d. Swagger by disqualification; Grade: 0
– MVP tackles Swagger and slugs away until Swagger can escape. Backstage, Freddie Prinze is walking with a trainer and vowing to go to the ring. The trainer is trying to stop him, but Freddie is determined. And we head to break.
– We are back and we are checking out People magazine, which has a small blurb about Jeremy Piven’s guest spot a couple of weeks back. Lillian then begins to announce our next match.
5) Chavo Guerrero vs. Hornswoggle in a falls count anywhere match
Chavo heads out as we are set for another installment of this endless feud. Hornswoggle is out and Chavo chases after him. Horny ducks under the ring and Chavo follows in hot pursuit. Chavo comes flying out the other side along with a toilet seat and chair. Horny pops out the other side and takes off as Chavo chases after him. Backstage, Chavo stops to ask Primo where Horny went and Primo obliges. Chavo opens a trunk but it is empty. Chavo grabs a door handle and shakes it, but it is locked. He happens upon another door but before he opens it, he hears a noise behind him from another door. He opens that one and a bucket swings down and knocks him out. Kevin McCallister would be proud. Horny covers and gets the easy win, once again. Hornswoggle d. Guerrero with a bucket to the head; Grade: 0
– Mark Henry emerges from the room and denies that it was him that did it. Then Macaulay Culkin walks out and smirks before walking away. Did he read my review as I wrote it? That was an awesome cameo. Back in the arena, Cole and King run down the Summerslam card from the ring. Cena and Show are seen walking as we head to break.
– We are back from break and we find out that Floyd Mayweather makes his return to WWE as the guest host in Las Vegas next week. That should be an entertaining train wreck. In other news, 76% of WWE Universe believes Orton and Cena can win tonight. And we are about to find out if they are right.
6) Chris Jericho & Big Show vs. John Cena & Randy Orton in a non title match
The champions head out to the ring because it is main event time. Orton is out next and Cena is out last. Before we get underway, an angry looking Prinze makes his out. And he makes the match a lumberjack match and he has hand picked the lumberjacks. The whole face side of the roster heads out as we take our last break. When we return, Show has Cena clamped in a bear hug. We get some clips from the break where the lumberjacks played favorites and took liberties with Orton while being courteous to Cena. Cena fires back at Show but Show sends him flying with a shoulderblock. Cena crawls for a tag but Orton short arms him and he falls short. Show pulls Cena back up and cracks him with some right hands and chops. Cena kicks Show in the knee and forces a tag to Orton and then tosses Randy up and over into the ring. Show crushes Randy with a spear, knocking him to the floor. MVP taunts him a bit and then Henry presses him back into the ring. Show works Orton over a bit and then takes him down his legdrop version of the final cut for two. Jericho tags in and hammers away at Randy before clamping on a sleeperhold. Orton breaks the hold and crawls for the tag but Jericho blocks him. Show comes in and drops a huge legdrop on the champ. Show clamps on the Yokozuna memorial nerve hold but Orton fights to his feet, forcing the break. Show tags out and Jericho heads back and puts the boots to Randy. He charges but Orton catches him with a powerslam. Jericho blocks another tag and clamps on a chinlock. Jericho misses the Lionsault and Orton crawls over to attempt a tag and Cena stands there and allows the tag to happen. He comes in and takes out Jericho with a shoulderblock and then drop the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena drops Jericho with the AA and picks up the win. Cena & Orton d. Jericho & Show when Cena pins Jericho with the Attitude Adjustment; Grade: 2
– Orton emerges from the dead and drops Cena with an RKO. Mark Henry comes in but Orton scampers off. Show and Jericho fight off the lumberjacks, but Cena recovers and takes out the champs. He stands tall as we fade out. The crowd, Freddie Prinze, Santino and the random Culkin appearance carried this thing for the most part but it was a pretty fun show in general. I can definitively say it was a whole ton better than last week’s debacle. The in ring action wasn’t bad at all and they actually did some build for Summerslam. Anyway, enjoy Summerslam and I will see you all next week from Vegas, baby!
Final Grade: B-
MVP: Santino Marella & Freddie Prinze, Jr.
Runner Up: Kofi Kingston & Carlito
Non MVP: Mickie James & Gail Kim
Runner Up: Evan Bourne
Posted on August 17, 2009, in Justin Rozzero, WWE and tagged Big Show, Carlito, Chavo Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Cody Rhodes, Degeneration-X, Evan Bourne, Freddie Prinze Jr., Gail Kim, Hornswoggle, Jack Swagger, John Cena, Kofi Kingston, Macaulay Culkin, Mark Henry, Mickie James, MVP, Randy Orton, Raw, Santino Marella, Shawn Michaels, Ted DiBiase Jr., The Legacy, The Miz, Triple H. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.