WCW Monday Nitro
August 5, 1996
Orlando, FL
Disney MGM Studios

The current WCW champs were as follows:
WCW World Champion: The Giant (4/29/1996)
WCW U.S. Champion: Ric Flair (7/7/1996)
WCW World Tag Team Champions: Harlem Heat (7/27/1996)
WCW World Television Champion: Lex Luger (3/6/1996)
WCW World Cruiserweight Champion: Rey Mysterio (7/8/1996)

HOUR NUMBER ONE! Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko.

Let’s face it – WCW security sucks. After last week’s nWo shenanigans, the WCW wrestlers themselves decide to run security tonight. Particularly the FACES OF FEAR, Big Bubber, and Scott “Flashdance” Norton.

I can’t believe it. There’s empty chairs at a WCW show. Four of them, in fact. Are they for the nWo or did a small family just step out for a bathroom break? Don’t watch Raw, watch this entire two hour program to see what happens to these four chairs!

• WCW World Tag Team Champions Harlem Heat (w/Sister Sherri & Col. Robert Parker) vs. The Rock N Roll Express
  

Parker is all “SHERRI AND I HAD SEX LAST NIGHT AND WE ARE IN LOOOOOOOVE.” As for the match, Booker knocks Morton around to start until Gibson comes in and helps clothesline Booker to the floor. Commercial break. We come back and the RNR Express are working over Stevie Ray’s leg. Stevie says F that and knees Morton away. Tag to Booker, the Heat set up Morton for a superkick. Axe Kick gets two. The Ricky Morton beatdown continues and Booker gets into an argument with Col. Parker, telling him to pay attention to the match. A few moments later, Booker misses a flying fist drop, allowing Morton to make the tag to Gibson. The whole time the crowd is chanting “Heat”. DOUBLE DROPKICK to Booker! Sherri claws at Gibson and gets thrown away. Col. Parker comes at her defense and gets KO’ed off the apron. Once that’s over, Gibson turns around into a BICYCLE KICK from Stevie Ray as Booker covers for the 1-2-3. (8:26 shown) The Heat face the Steiners at Hog Wild! I don’t know what to say about this match. *½

Okerlund interviews the Nasty Boys. Now that Gene makes their friendship with Hulk Hogan public, he wants to know how they feel about the heel turn. The Nasties do what they want to do, so Hulk Hogan should be able to do what he wants to do. Sting and Luger come out to interrogate the Nasties a little more. It’s none of their STINKIN’ business where the Nasties stand with WCW. Lex says he’ll make it his business tonight in the main event! They don’t condone what Hogan did, but they won’t say there’s anything wrong with it either.

“Blood Runs Cold” ad. They show Glacier doing some ridiculous KA-RA-TE moves. What happened to his debut in ‘July 1996’?

WCW SHILLS SOME MERCH: Get your Hog Wild denim jacket for only $89.95 plus $9.95 S&H! But if you’re a cheapskate or you don’t want to spend $100 bucks on a denim jacket that you’ll look back on years later thinking “why did I PAY $100 for this retarded jacket?”, why don’t you just buy a Hog Wild t-shirt for just $21.95 plus $5.95 S&H! Yes, $28 bucks for a t-shirt that you’d be ashamed to wear in public. Why do they want us to spend this much money? Do they not WANT us to buy the PPV and just buy this crap instead?! Excuse me, but merch sales is not how you defeat the WWF.

• Madusa vs. Malia Hosaka (w/Sonny Oono)
  

Well their first match a few weeks ago wasn’t the greatest, but let’s see what they can do here. Tony thinks Madusa is one of the hottest wrestlers in our sport. Lots of back and forth counters to start. Hosaka Moolah Whips Madusa around and catapults her throat into the bottom rope. Spinning Heel Kick connects, but Hosaka trips up Madusa and applies a figure-four. Madusa fights back and uh oh, a black limousine just pulled up in the back. Ha, Tony says he will keep us abreast on the developments of that limo. We now know what’s really on Tony’s mind – and it’s not that limo. Superplex to Hosaka. Oono gets up on the apron and takes a dropkick to the floor. While Madusa is down, Hosaka jumps on top of her as Oono holds down the feet for the Bobby Heenan win. (4:39) So Madusa is going into Hog Wild with a loss as she square off against the legendary Bull Nakano. ½*

WCW Saturday Night! Watch it IF YOU WEEL! 6:05PM eastern! TBS! Live from Hog Wild, John Tenta battles Big Bubba! Well, that match doesn’t really happen. Arn Anderson faces Hugh Morrus! That does happen. Ric Flair gets some interview time! It’s the MUTHASHIP! PAY WINDAHS AND PLUNDAH, BABY!

Flashback to three weeks ago: Malenko comes out and posts Benoit to cost him a match with Eddie Guerrero, almost guaranteeing you the same finish in this match.

• Chris Benoit (w/Woman & Elizabeth) vs. Alex Wright
  

Tony announces that Jimmy Hart has promised Dean Malenko that if he rids the world of Chris Benoit at Hog Wild, he’ll make sure he gets a rematch for the cruiserweight title against Rey Mysterio in the near future. Funny how Dean loses that match and still gets a rematch at the Clash with Rey Mysterio for the title FIVE DAYS AFTER HOG WILD. Benoit goes nuts on Wright in the corner, but Das Wunderkind fights out and dropkicks Benoit to the floor. Hey let’s see what the status is on that limo. Nothing’s happening. Back in, Benoit puts the badmouth on Wright, so Wright shuts him up with a monkey flip and a headscissors. Wright takes a nasty bump off a missed corner charge. Benoit takes over with his awesomeness. Snap Suplex gets two. Ab stretch, but Wright hiptosses out. Here comes Jimmy Hart to tell Woman that she’s wasting her time with the Four Horsemen. Kevin Sullivan is going CRAZY over her. Well to be fair, the man never was exactly walking around with a full deck. In the ring, Alex Wright delivers a flying single stomp? Was he trying a legdrop or what? Whatever it was, it was terrible. Dean Malenko walks over and grabs Woman to apparently bring her to Kevin Sullivan. Benoit sees what’s happening and decides to pescado down on Malenko to save his Woman. They brawl to the back to give Alex Wright the biggest countout win of his life. (8:20) Good to see them finally doing something feud wise with Benoit and Malenko other than just showing off their abilities. Weird seeing Malenko doing the Dungeon’s dirty work though when the FACES OF FEAR and Big Bubber are standing right there at ringside. **¼

Oh yeah, still nothing going on with this limo. Only 65 minutes left in this program!

• Randy Savage vs. Lord Steven Regal (w/Jeeves)
  

Such the random match. Savage has been banned from appearing at Hog Wild because apparently he’s too wild for Hog Wild. Regal wrestles himself for a while and works over Savage’s arm. The one minute ‘Countdown to the Most Watched Hour of Wrestling’ begins during this match. Bischoff and Heenan are no-shows, so we get another hour of Schiavone and Zbyszko! Since everything important seems to happen in the second hour, Sting and Lex come down and sit in those empty chairs to make sure nobody attacks their boy Randy Savage. Savage and Regal brawl over to the formerly empty chairs. Back in, Savage hits the MACHO ELBOW for the 1-2-3. (6:18) Typical Savage match where he takes five minutes of punishment and makes a short comeback before hitting the elbow drop. Not that it’s such a bad thing with Regal. That man is quite the wrestler. *½

Just for the sake of habit, HOUR NUMBER TWO! Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. As I noted in the last match, Bischoff and Heenan never show.

After the match, Sting and Luger head over to the limo and open the door to find…a bouquet of flowers? There’s a ribbon on it that says “Condolences on the death of WCW”. Hmm, sounds like a great title for the next WWE DVD project. Sting and Lex head to the ring with the bouquet where Savage and Okerlund are already at. After Hog Wild, Savage wants whatever is left of Hogan. As far as Sting is concerned, WCW is alive and well. He sees a very long and healthy life for WCW. So the rumors are false, Sting does not possess any kind of psychic powers whatsoever. Screw the bouquet, Savage field goal kicks it into the camera. Haha.

Back on WCW Saturday Night, Ric Flair wouldn’t release the Figure Four on Chavo Jr, so Eddie had to come out and beat Flair off his nephew. These two got into a chopfest with Eddie getting the better of him. You don’t mess with Eddie’s familia. You got his blood boiling now, Ric. Rey shows up during that interview, but he can’t even put a sentence together after being thrown head first into that trailer. Eddie tells the nWo that they won’t lay down and take it, they’ll fight back.

• WCW U.S. Heavyweight Champion Ric Flair (w/The Ladies) vs. The Booty Man (w/The Booty Babe)
  

And we’re five days away from the end of the Booty Man gimmick. Kimberly Page isn’t the only one happy about that fact. Arn Anderson returns to Nitro with his arm all wrapped up to watch Flair’s back. During the match, Bobby Heenan appears and puts on a headset to ask us where Eric Bischoff is? Like we know. He says he’s been standing in the back with his “thumb up his…mouth” waiting for Bischoff to show up. In the ring, Booty Man misses a HIGH KNEE in the corner to set up the FIGURE-FOUR. Flair is grabbing the ropes and doesn’t care as Benoit and Mongo hit the ring to destroy Booty Man while he’s down. (3:00) In comes Arn Anderson with his chair, he smashes it down over Booty’s knee. It’s an old time Horsemen massacre as they demolish Hulk Hogan’s best friend. ½*

Gene Okerlund hits the ring. Excellent promo from Arn: the number one rule of gang fighting is that when somebody sends one of your boys to the hospital, you send one of their boys to morgue. Benoit and Mongo blather on about revenge. Flair stomps Booty Man to send another message to Hogan. You want the Horsemen’s attention? You’ve got it. Hogan, you think because you woke up one morning and you became a bad man? You’re so wrong. You messed with Flair’s best friend and crossed the line. Now you have PAY the PRICE. Anywhere, anytime Hogan. WOOO.

Well that was awesome.

Now they show a condensed version of the nWo attack last week.

The following announcement has been paid for by the New World Order. More fun with the Outsiders and Hulk as they make fun of the WCW elite. They’re not talking about taking over anymore, they’re talking about complete extermination. Sting and Luger finally have enough. They tell director Craig Leathers to stop playing these advertisements even though they’ve paid for the time. No more garbage on the air, says Sting. Now let’s go get some free pot pie and Mountain Dew in Sting’s trailer! Lex says he’s down! Count ME in!

• WCW World Heavyweight Champion The Giant (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Sgt. Craig Pittman (w/Teddy Long)
  

Pittman has no chance. CHOKESLAM. (2:33) Giant wants another Chokeslam. Teddy Long pleads with him to stop, so Giant tosses Pittman away and gives HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA PLAYA Teddy Long a Chokeslam instead. ½*

Okerlund grabs Giant and Jimmy Hart for an interview. Giant never claimed to be a nice guy and he doesn’t feel sorry for anybody that was hurt last week. If Hogan has any guts, he dares him to show up at Hog Wild and he’ll show them to him. Ewww.

Still nothing happening over by the limo.

• Sting & Lex Luger vs. The Nasty Boys
  

Tony announces that Malenko will face Rey Mysterio on WCW Pro Saturday morning. Geez, so why does he need to take out Benoit for Jimmy Hart? He’s getting all these chances to regain the cruiserweight title anyway. As friends of Sting and Luger, the Steiner brothers head out to watch their backs. Lots of CLUBBERIN on Luger to start. Lex avoids a corner splash from Knobbs and drops Sags with a clothesline on the apron. Tag to Sting, Knobbs gets walloped with a jumping clothesline and a face slam. Sags trips him up, which sends Sting into face in peril mode. After a bunch more CLUBBERIN, Sting catches Knobbs with a boot off a splash from the middle rope. HOT TAG TO LUGER! Clothesline crazy! He goes for the TORTURE RACK on Sags, but Knobbs clips him from behind. It breaks down with all four men in the ring. Luger and Sags head to the floor where Sags misses a clothesline and hits Rick by mistake. When Sags goes for a piledriver, Rick comes by and knocks him over with a Steinerline. Back in, the not-so-legal man Sting applies the SCORPION DEATHLOCK for the win. (7:05) Just a standard-style main event for Saturday Night. *½

After the break, Sting and Luger pose with two little youngsters. Are the Outsiders in the limo this time? Well let’s find out. Sting, Luger and the Dungeon of Doom security team (HA!) head over to the limo. When Sting opens, a black bag is thrown out. The door slams and the limo begins to leave. What’s the deal with the bag? It’s got the TURNER logo on it! And we fade to black.

Never did find out what happened to those chairs.

Hog Wild is NEXT!