Kyle’s St. Valentine’s Day Massacre 1999 Recap

February 14, 1999
Live from Memphis, Tenn.

Host:  Michael “The Viper” Cole and Jerry “four-percent of votes” Lawler

Opening Match: Goldust vs. Bluedust.

Blue Meanie came into WWF right away imitating and costing Goldust his matches. Goldust hits a spinebuster. Bluedust weirdly shags Goldust’s leg. Lawler calls Blue Meanie a ECW reject, which is very moronic, but typical of Lawler. He was trying to insult Meany and ECW, but he insulted WWF. By calling him an ECW “reject”, he is admitting  that WWF picks up the scum in ECW. So, what does that make ECW, better than WWF? That’s brainless Lawler for you. Meany goes for a moonsault, but misses. Goldust finishes this off with Curtain Call @ 3:10. Goldust gives him Shattered Dreams after the match. What a waste of talent and opportunity in Goldust. Goldust had a great edgy and mysterious character that could have worked beautifully in this era, but they decided to keep him a glorified midcarder. If Goldust’s character and Dustin Rhodes ring work merged together, he could have been something much, much bigger than he was. Not a good match by any means, but at least it did its job of setting the tone for the loud crowd. ¼*

Vacant Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly.

Starts out like a typical WWF hardcore title match as they head out into the streets. They do some more typical garbage brawling outside. They both go into the river. Holly raps up Snow into some cage-fencing, and Al Snow can’t kick out of the pin @ 9:58 I quite possibly enjoyed this when I saw it live, but since this formula has repeated itself over and over again, I couldn’t really get into this at all. Holly was surprisingly over, though. * 1/2

The Big Bossman vs. Mideon

Did they really think these two heels would actually interest the crowd? Bossman works over Mideon early on, but misses a chairshot (because chairs are legal in DQ matches in Russo and Ferreras’ world, sometimes) In the ring, they do some more boring stuff; then a huge boring chant breaks out. Bossman nails the Bossman Slam for the three @ 6:21. After the match ends, The Ministry does a beat down on the Bossman. The Undertaker slowly makes his way down, and watches the beat down on Bossman. Bossman gets carried out of the area, and this was later set up the Hell in the Cell everyone loves. Awful match. -***

WWF Tag Team Titles: Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett (w/Debra) vs. Mark Henry & D-Lo Brown (w/Ivory).

In early on, Henry and Brown obliterate Hart and Jarrett. Debra distracts “Big Sexual Chocolate” with her vanilla. Jarrett hits the stroke on D-Lo. Lawler and Cole find it original to make fun of Bret Hart two years later.  Heels work over the faces, until D-lo gets the hot tag. Henry goes rage on the heels. D-Lo nails a spinebuster on JJ. He goes up for the Lo-Down, but Debra distracts him. Owen hits Henry in the knee with a guitar, and then JJ locks in the figure-four leglock to secure the win @ 9:33. It felt like they all were in auto-pilot, and no one really wanted to do anything really significant in the ring. There also was no structure in the match ever. Why not just make it a tornado tag if both men are legal in the ring even if there is no legal tag? This era was so inconsistent when it came to rules. * 1/2

Intercontinental Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Val Venis (w/Ryan Shamrock) Special Ref: Billy Gunn.

This feud would get really weird as Shamrock would later on date his “sister” in shoot life. You already know how much I hate this feud because of them overshadowing the title completely over a storyline that would be more compatible for Sex in the City. Shamrock goes rage in the ring, but Val attacks him before he can. Shamrock comes back and nails DDT, but Gunn won’t count. They hit each other with moves. Shamrock puts in the anklelock, but Ryan helps Val get to the ropes. Shamrock flips out on her and they have some words. Shamrock then goes back in, but Venis rolls him up and gets a quick count from Billy Gunn @ 15:37. Talk about backwards booking, Shamrock is the heel, but has to overcome the odds of his sister, Val and the screwy ref, ohhhhh-kay… The wrestling, in the match, wasn’t that good, either. *

Triple H & X-Pac vs. Kane & Chyna (w/Shane McMahon).
Chyna was in her heel turn and joined the Coporate Ministry. Kane beats down on X-Pac. Hunter gets a hot tag and hits Chyna like she is a chap. X-Pac fights with Kane outside. HHH hits Chyna with his high knee. Kane pulls down the ropes, and HHH flipped out, and then trade blows. Shane jumps in and attacks X-Pac. Kane breaks up a Pedigree with the chokeslam. He drags Chyna on HHH, and I see it matters who is legal in this match—the irony. Match ends @ 14:45. It was really funny to see Chyna actually get a win over HHH, even if it was a decade ago, but we all know how HHH isn’t one who likes to put over someone he doesn’t really have to. This was a decent, structured tag match. Some good action throughout the match, and seemingly I never got ever bored with it. Best match of the night to this point. ** ¼

WWF Heavyweight Title, Last Man Standing: Mankind vs. The Rock.
Mankind turns away from Rocky so Rock takes an advantage and attacks him. Outside, Rock gets whipped into the entrance structure. Rock heals, and hits a DDT through the announce table.Mankind sets up the Rock on the announce table, but Rock counters to a backdrop. Mick awakes and gives him the Mandible Claw. Rock gets up at 8 and hits a DDT, which knocks out Mankind down for 8, also. Both start hitting each other with chairs, and then eventually knock each other out @ 21:20. The ending was very unsatisfying because of the “MUST BE A WINNER” concept of the match. But these two just had great chemistry together, and could make anything work. Not as violent as their “I Quit” match, but defiantly effective. Too bad the finish didn’t feel precise. ***

Cage Match: Steve Austin v. Vince McMahon.

Vince Mcmahon won the Rumble by basically screwing Austin out of the match, and this was suppose to be the blow off of the feud, but we all know how that went. Austin stars beating Vince to death near the announce table—and chokes him out with a cord. They fight up the stairs. Austin tosses him back to ringside and does a beat down on him on aisle, then back to the ring again. Vince tries to climb into the cage and Austin keeps Vince climbing the cage and Austin knocking him backwards into the table. Vince takes a bump, and hurts himself! Later on, Vince tries escaping, but Austin nonchalantly catches him, drops him back in, and then sends him into the cage. Vince is now bleeding. Austin is now exiting the cage, but Vince gives Austin the two gun salute, which makes Austin come back in. Austin comes back in and beat down on Vince, and then hits a Stunner. But wait, who is that? It’s the Giant from WCW!  Paul attacks Austin and chokeslams him through the cage, but does it so hard—it opens and allows Austin to win @ 7:32. Pretty much a one sided squash match with a few obstacles in the way—that extended the match a little more. There was only so much stuff you could do in order to make it sensible—so it made the match kind of booked against the wall. The attack from Paul later would become gradually forgetting, so an overall horrible and pointless debut for Paul. The finish also kind of made Austin look like a chump rather than a badass. **

Going Home: Even if I desperately wanted to recommend this show for some biased reason, it would nearly be impossible to do so. The booking was abysmal, and the wrestling varied from dreadful, very bad, bad, and to two matches worth watching. Everything on this show felt like a let down; from the booking, matches, effort, and all the way to the opening video package. This show was not good at all, but if you, really want to see it, please watch just the three last matches because the under-card will make you want to punch babies.  But despite these bad shows, they still remained hot as hell over the course of this year, so they were still doing magical things even though the wrestling never reflected it.

Thumbs Down.

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Posted on November 6, 2009, in WWE and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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