April 2, 2010
Las Vegas, NV
Thomas & Mack Center
Your hosts are Todd Grisham & Matt Striker.
The reigning World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho enters the ring to start the show. He defeated an inferior challenger in Edge at WrestleMania. After his perfect match, Edge speared him through the dasher boards – all because the WWE Universe chants SPEAR all the time. The WWE Universe is filled with a bunch of losers just like Edge. Jericho says he’s the champion because he’s an honest man and follows through on what he’s going to do. He doesn’t want to say he told you so, he stands here today to tell you it is so. That brings out Edge who wants a rematch and the fans want to see that as well. Jericho responds saying that Edge had his chance at WrestleMania and BLEW IT. Why should a loser get a title shot? Jericho tells Edge to get out his ring before he tears Edge’s Achilles tendon again. Edge retaliates and beats Jericho down. He rips off Jericho’s clothes to reveal some taped ribs. You know, Jericho should pull a page out of Bret Hart’s book and strap a steel plate around his ribs. Anyways, Edge hits Jericho with Edgecution and delivers the SPEAR. Edge starts to leave and just then, JACK SWAGGER runs in and smashes Edge with the MITB briefcase. He’s CASHING IT IN RIGHT NOW! Ref Mike Chioda comes out and clears the ring of any debris.
- World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho vs. Jack Swagger
As Jericho gets to his feet after suffering the SPEAR, Swagger gives Jericho the GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB to ensure the 1-2-3 at :10. Swagger looks less than jubilant about his title victory. He has an almost stern yet confident look on his face. Nevertheless, we’ve got a NEW world heavyweight champion.
After the break, they show the replay of what just happened. I really think it’s a mistake to have somebody who was just jobbing to Santino not too long ago as your WORLD champion, but WWE has programmed its fans to have such short attention spans that it doesn’t even really matter anymore. I still think they should have built him up A LOT more because he hasn’t done anything since he left ECW.
- Cryme Tyme vs. John Morrison & R-Truth
Without his corn rows, Shad looks too much like Karl Malone. As long as he doesn’t start dropping people with Diamond Cutters, we’ll be okay. Could this be any more lame though? Shad takes the AX KICK from R-Truth and STARSHIP PAIN ends the match. (:44) Afterwards, JTG stands up to Shad and you can sense the breakup is coming. Shad boots JTG in the face and then gives him the STO to solidify his dastardliness. LAME. Who really wants to see these two fight or even work alone against anybody else for that matter? Seems as almost unnecessary a break-up as like the Bushwhackers. ¼*
In the back, Jack Swagger passes by some people who congratulate him. He passes by Shelton Benjamin and says that maybe he should now be called the Gold Standard. Shelton looks moderately offended by this.
After some commercials, Josh Matthews interviews Shad. WTF BRAH? No more Cryme Tyme, because it’s my time. OH SNAP. Does that mean Triple H’s old theme is making a comeback?
- WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy
No match. McIntyre runs Matt shoulder-first into the ringpost before the bell and drops him with the FUTURE SHOCK. Afterwards, McIntyre takes his IC belt and just leaves. Alright.
WWE champ John Cena will appear on an episode of Nickelodeon’s True Jackson VP today! Check your local listings for show times.
They show a highlight video of the Shawn Michaels Farewell from Raw set to the Verve Pipe’s “Colorful”. WE WERE MERELY FRESHMEN!
Meanwhile, Vickie Guerrero complains to LayCool that people are calling her finisher the Hog Splash. They say in unison that it should be called the Cougar Splash. Rawr. The new world champ Jack Swagger walks by looking for Teddy Long. Wait a minute, Vickie is the official Smackdown Consultant. Swagger wants some time to give a ‘State of the Championship Address’ tonight. Vickie gives him all the time he wants. Before he leaves, Swagger gives Vickie a kiss on the cheek. OH NOT THIS AGAIN. Another world champ in love with Vickie? Please don’t let this be true.
- The Great Khali (w/Runjin Singh) vs. Dolph Ziggler
Khali’s so slow getting to the ring, they decide to take a commercial break. Possibly Khali is injured? Ziggler spends most of the time staying away from Khali. Once he’s grabbed, Ziggler hotshots Khali and jumps on his back for a sleeper hold. He beat Kane this way not too long ago. Good way to play off that as Khali passes out with his foot about an inch or two away from the bottom rope. (2:27) I actually like this because it kind of makes sense. If he’s got the hold locked in, flipping him off you isn’t going to matter, so you have no choice but to go down. ½*
After the match, Great Khali says it’s time to head back to India to recharge his batteries. When he comes back, he will be World Heavyweight champion again.
Next, the Straight Edge Society is WALKING!
The WWE Smack of the Night is brought to you by Just For Men for Mustache and Beard. Instead of actual smacks, he see stills of the Rey Mysterio-CM Punk match from WrestleMania with Cole commentary included!
CM Punk, Luke Gallows, and Serena head to the ring. More of the same awesome craziness that we’ve seen from CM Punk directed towards the fans living there in “Sin City” Las Vegas. As for Rey Mysterio, he needs CM Punk just like everybody in the audience. Rey Mysterio will be Punk’s crown jewel to show all of the people that ANYBODY can be saved by straight edge. CM Punk wants a rematch and if Punk loses, he will give up his hair. That’s how much he cares about Rey Mysterio. He’s willing to sacrifice a piece of himself just to save Mysterio.
- Beth Phoenix & Tiffany vs. Michelle McCool & Layla (w/Vickie Guerrero)
Tiffany delivers an inverted atomic drop to McCool, but then Michelle shoves off a monkey flip and starts cheating. Layla tags in and they give Tiffany the double face slam for two. Tiffany SLAMS out of a chinlock and makes the HOT TAG TO PHOENIX. Airplane spin is followed by the GLAM SLAM on Layla for the 1-2-3. (3:08) Oh man the matches are getting longer! Sigh. Pretty decent actually as Tiffany isn’t all that bad for a WWE diva. ¾*
Over in Teddy Long’s area (that doesn’t even LOOK like an office), Chris Jericho demands the world title decision to be reversed in his favor. Sorry, playa.
Josh Matthews meets with the Hart Dynasty and Natalya. They are so proud to be from the Hart family. Wait a minute, here’s Jack Swagger to interrupt for NO reason. He stands in front of them holding up the gold.
- Kane vs. All of the NXT Rookies – Elimination Match
Kane is bored and this is why he’s getting this match. He owns Daniel Bryan and Darren Young. The much bigger Wade Barrett gives Kane a try. He beats Kane to the corner, but Kane comes out fighting and big boots Barrett down for the 1-2-3 to send him to the showers. Skip Sheffield enters the ring beating on his chest as we go to commercial. AND WE’RE BACK! Kane hits him with the running powerslam as Heath Slater makes the blind tag. He catches Kane running at him in the corner with a boot, but comes off the middle rope for a CHOKESLAM for the three-count. We’re down to six. Michael Tarver runs in and gets GOOZLE TOSSED to the floor. The rest of the NXT rookies meet in a huddle on the floor. BREAK! They surround the ring and attack Kane all at once to bring about the DQ. (5:27 shown) Alright. ¾*
It’s time for the ‘State of the Championship Address’. I can enlighten you all on the state of the championship. Has it ever been put on a more undeserving individual than Jack Swagger? THE MAN HAS A LISP! Why is he on the mic as the world champion? Long story short, Swagger says he’s going to be a long-reigning champion and everybody better start giving him respect. Chris Jericho interrupts and starts clawing at Swagger like a child to get back his belt from around Swagger’s waist. He calls Swagger a thief. Swagger is SO LUCKY that Jericho is injured right now. When he heals and he heals quickly, he will take the belt away from him. Do you understand what he is saying to you right now? Give Jericho his belt back tonight. Edge interrupts Jericho for the second time tonight and tells him to shut up. Edge thinks he deserves a title shot more than Jericho because he’s not injured (for once, HAR HAR). Teddy Long stops all this nonsense and makes a Jericho-Edge rematch for next week. The winner gets Jack Swagger and a shot at the World Heavyweight title. Edge turns away from Jericho to keep an eye on Swagger, but then turns back around and eats a CODEBREAKER. Now Swagger jumps in the ring and gives both men individual GUTWRENCH POWERBOMBS. And that’s a wrap, everybody. CHECK 1-2. Awwww yeah.
I thought there was supposed to be CM Punk vs. the Undertaker.
Posted on June 5, 2011, in WWE and tagged Beth Phoenix, Chris Jericho, CM Punk, Cryme Tyme, Daniel Bryan, Darren Young, DH Smith, Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre, Edge, Great Khali, Hart Dynasty, Heath Slater, Jack Swagger, John Cena, John Morrison, JTG, Kane, Layla, Luke Gallows, Matt Hardy, Michael Tarver, Michelle McCool, Natalya, R-Truth, Runjin Singh, Serena, Shad, Shawn Michaels, Shelton Benjamin, Skip Sheffield, Smackdown, Straight Edge Society, Tiffany, Tyson Kidd, Vickie Guerrero, Wade Barrett. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.