WWE: Monday Night Raw (05.13.96)
Monday Night Raw
May 13, 1996
Sioux City, IA
The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (3/31/96)
Intercontinental Champion: Goldust (4/22/96)
World Tag Team Champions: The Bodydonnas (3/31/96)
Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.
Vince announces that Ahmed Johnson has indeed won the first-ever Kuwait Cup invitational tournament over the weekend. He defeated Aldo Montoya, Steve Austin, Owen Hart, and Hunter Hearst Helmsley to do it. During his pre-match interview, Sunny offered to oil up his muscles, but he refuses her advances by calling her trash. I think. I don’t know. I can never understand what that guy says.
- Ahmed Johnson vs. Zip (w/Sunny & Skip)
The Bodydonnas do a switch on Ahmed. Of course, everybody notices this except the ref. When Ahmed fights out of a chinlock and electric chair drops Skip, he backdrops out Skip and Zip returns. He causes the distraction as Skip nails Ahmed from behind, but Skip (the wrong guy) then runs into a Spinebuster and the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE gets Ahmed the win. (3:15) Kind of an odd opponent for both Ahmed and the Bodydonnas. ¾*
Oh my goodness. Join the WARRIOR UNIVERSITY. With the Warrior’s direction, even *you* Johnny Pencil Pusher can work for 3-6 months at a time in the WWF. Send in $9.95 for your introductory kit and application. Apparently, it’s still going because if you go to the website, he now asks for $20 a MONTH! For what you ask? He gives you the inspiration and motivation to ‘do more than you are’. This is amazing.
- Vader (w/Jim Cornette) vs. Duke “The Dumpster” Droese
Cornette sits down with Vince and Lawler to make Droese and Vince jokes. Vader destroys Droese to start with punches, but Droese comes back and clotheslines Vader out to ringside as we take a break. When we return, we see that Vader has sent Droese into the steps a couple times. Twice as nice! Back inside, Vader hits him with a splash and ravages him in the corner with more punches. Droese fights out and has trouble getting him down, but a dropkick does the trick after a couple clotheslines. Flying splash misses, but the VADER BOMB does not. That ends Droese. (5:51 shown) Glorified squash, for sure. *
Vince McMahon meets the Undertaker and Paul Bearer *in this very ring*. The golden casket gets rolled out as well. Goldust longs to be in the spotlight, but now he’s crossing over into the dark side. Vince says the word ‘bizarre’, which brings out Goldust and Marlena. Goldust starts putting his hands on the Undertaker to know how he feels. Weird! He tries holding hands with him. Big mistake! Taker bends Goldust’s hands, but out comes Mankind to attack the Undertaker. He knocks out the Undertaker with the Mandible Claw, leaving Taker prone for Goldust to lay on top of him. Once Taker sits up, Goldust freaks and quickly leaves with Marlena.
- Justin Hawk Bradshaw (w/Uncle Zebekiah) vs. Aldo Montoya
Uncle Zeb picks up the third headset and talks about the impact Bradshaw will be making throughout the course of 1996. Another glorified squash as Montoya attempts a comeback, but Bradshaw cuts him off with a big boot. CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL wins. (3:46) They “brand” Montoya with ‘JHB’ after the bell. Bradshaw would have been better suited 10-20 years ago. ½*
Vince narrates a piece on Kuwait and how the people of Kuwait City have been wanting to see WWF wrestling since Operation Desert Storm. They just love Shawn Michaels, too. On the beaches of the Persian Gulf, Davey Boy Smith assaulted Shawn and dunked his head underwater a bunch.
- Non-title match: WWF World Champion Shawn Michaels (w/Jose Lothario) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Vince says he wants the silhouetted lady claiming Shawn Michaels is a homewrecker to come to WWF studios for more questioning. Since we have the luxury of hindsight, this is certainly an interesting contest. Hunter gets the best of Shawn to start, causing Michaels to let down his hair and send us into commercials. When we come back, Shawn is clotheslining Helmsley out to the floor. He even goes over and flirts with HHH’s girl for the evening, which just works as bait to draw Hunter over for a punch to the face. Back in, HBK brings Hunter into the ring with a headlock and drops him face-first on the mat when the ref calls for a break. Helmsley fights out of a headlock and avoids a corner charge. A big punt sends Michaels crashing on the floor. Next thing we know, Mr. Perfect is standing in the aisle getting a closer look at this match. We get some guardrail action with Hunter in control as we take another commercial break. AND WE’RE BACK! Helmsley hits a High Knee for two. Shawn escapes a chinlock and counters a back suplex by landing on top of HHH for two. Hunter lays in some vicious elbows in the corner. Swinging neckbreaker scores another nearfall as we take ANOTHER commercial break. When we return, Shawn fights out of a chinlock and counters a Pedigree with a catapult. Flying Forearm and Flying Elbow gets 1-2-NO! Helmsley tries a powerbomb (!), but HBK counters with a headscissors, and Helmsley rolls through to gain a nearfall on Shawn! Helmsley tries the Pedigree again, but this time Shawn backdrops him over and lands SWEET CHIN MUSIC for 1-2-3! (13:07 shown) Mr. Perfect says nothing and returns backstage. Certainly a match that showed promise for the future. Even with all the commercial breaks, it’s a pretty good match. Definitely the best match on Raw in a couple months. ***¼
In the back, Jim Ross tells Davey Boy Smith, Diana Hart-Smith, and Jim Cornette that Shawn Michaels will be doing color commentary next week during his match with Jake Roberts. Plenty of combustible elements will be at ringside! DON’T WATCH THOSE OTHER GUYS! TUNE INTO MONDAY NIGHT RAW!
NEXT WEEK: Steve Austin battles Marc Mero, Savio Vega takes on the 1-2-3 Kid, and the main event will be Davey Boy Smith against Jake Roberts!
Posted on August 4, 2013, in WWE and tagged Ahmed Johnson, Aldo Montoya, Big Van Vader, Body Donna Skip, Body Donna Zip, Body Donnas, Bradshaw, Davey Boy Smith, Diana Hart-Smith, Duke Droese, Dutch Mantel, Goldust, Jim Cornette, Jose Lothario, Mankind, Marlena, Mr. Perfect, Paul Bearer, Raw, Shawn Michaels, Sunny, Triple H, Ultimate Warrior, Undertaker. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.