WWE: Smackdown (01.21.16)
January 21, 2016
The current WWE champions are as follows:
WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Roman Reigns (12/14/2015)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Dean Ambrose (12/13/2015)
WWE United States Champion: Alberto Del Rio (1/14/2016)
WWE Tag Team Champions: The New Day (8/23/2015)
WWE Divas Champion: Charlotte (9/20/2015)
Your hosts are Mauro Ranallo, Jerry Lawler, and Byron Saxton.
Chris Jericho is this week’s opening hype machine wearing his sparkly AA-battery powered jacket. The winner of the most important Royal Rumble ever this coming Sunday will be the WWE world heavyweight champion! Last Monday on Raw contained the Biggest Highlight Reel in WWE history! This sets up the clip of what went down. If you wish to know what happened, you can seek elsewhere for the information. Anyways, The New Day interrupt because Chris Jericho is the jerk who broke Xavier’s trombone he named Francesca. They drop some modern references and try to have a moment of silence for a brass instrument. Jericho thinks this is equally ridiculous. He insults the unicorn horns on their foreheads. Jericho goes all libertarian on them saying they can be whatever they want to be, but turns it around to insult them saying they need better unicorn names: Rooty, Tooty, and Booty. When they decide to kick Jericho’s arse, he announces their opponents for tonight. Is he like the GM or something? How does he know who their opponents are and the New Day doesn’t? First comes the Usos, then comes Dolph Ziggler with his face painted like an Uso because that’s PRO ‘RASSLIN, folks.
- The New Day vs. The Usos & Dolph Ziggler
Kofi starts off SUPER HYPE against Jimmy, but it doesn’t last long as Jimmy chops and punches back. Tag to Jey, they do some elbow drop double-teaming. Xavier gets a tag and he’s caught on the wrong side of town. Big dropkick and the hip swiveling jumping elbow drop on Woods gets two. Dolph gets shoved back into the New Day corner. Big E levels him with a belly to belly suplex. He eats some more dropkicks from Kofi and Xavier, but then catches Kingston coming off the top rope with a dropkick of his own. HOT TAG TO JIMMY! Kofi eats the buttalanche, but Jimmy starts messing with Big E and Xavier and gets tossed out to the floor to take us into commercial. When we return, Jimmy is stuck in an abdominal stretch getting spanked by Big E to the tune of NEW! DAY! ROCKS! They take turns stomping Jimmy down in the corner because it works. Lawler just said New Day has got the moves like Jagger. 2011 CALLED. Moving on. Jimmy tries a sunset flip on Xavier and they do the old Arn Anderson spot where Xavier makes a tag to Big E just as he falls backwards. Xavier whips Jimmy into a clothesline by Big E for two. Jimmy fights off Big E in the corner and delivers the Whisper in the Wind. HOT TAG TO ZIGGLER! Swinging neckbreaker and the jumping elbow drop gets two on Xavier. Famouser connects, but then he takes a backdrop out of the corner face down on the steps. Jey comes in and starts dishing out superkicks and Samoan Drops. One of the Usos wipes out Big E and Kofi with a plancha. That leaves Xavier all by himself as he eats a TRIPLE SUPERKICK. Cover, 1-2-3. (11:17 shown) Fun double heat tag match. Pretty standard for Smackdown though. **½
ROYAL RUMBLE: IT’S ALL ABOUT THE NUMBERS. It was more like by the numbers, amirite?
- Becky Lynch vs. Alicia Fox
WWE Divas champ Charlotte and the 2-TIME WWE HALL OF FAMER, 16-TIME WORLD CHAMPION, WHAT IS CAUSING ALL THIS, HIS SHOES COST MORE THAN YOUR HOUSE, THE NATURE BOY WOO RIC FLAIR WOO join us at the commentary table for this matchup. Another warmup match for Becky before her next Divas title match this weekend. Byron Saxton shows how he just doesn’t *get* wrestling when he verbally spars with Flair and shows a fundamental problem with the way WWE books the character in heels. In Byron’s WWE programmed mind, he thinks the Flairs are discrediting and demeaning Becky Lynch’s ability in the ring, which is completely asinine. If she wasn’t a good wrestler, why would she be allowed into the top company in the country which is exactly what Mr. Flair points out. If all you do is discredit and demean and point out flaws and comment how much of a nobody this wrestler is (like they do in WWE) and then you *beat* this wrestler, then all you have done is beat a nobody. If all you do is go around beating perceived nobodies, then that doesn’t make you all that great either.
TL;DR? Byron Saxton sucks.
Becky submits Alicia Fox with the DISARM-HER in 3:00. Words are exchanged between Charlotte and Becky, but then Charlotte shows us her pinky finger. It’s either a weird lesbian hand signal that I don’t understand, or some storyline thing that I don’t understand. Either way, I don’t understand.
Let’s celebrate as Dwayne “THE ROCK” Johnson is once again the top international box office star of 2015 at $1.48 billion. He was only two popcorn flicks: Furious 7 and San Andreas.
MIZ TV: He’s out here to hype the Dean Ambrose versus Kevin Owens last man standing match for the Royal Rumble. Ambrose hijacks the show (go figure) and when Miz tells him to shut up, he threatens the Miz. Since the people think Ambrose can do this better than Miz, let’s have DEAN TV instead, so Miz sits over in the corner. Ambrose goes through this monologue about his match with Kevin Owens promising to be akin to a Carnival of Pain and Destruction. He plans on taking Owens on as many rides as possible. He calls the apron “Living on the Edge”. Over to the steps, Ambrose says Owens looks like a bear and calls the steps the bear trap. Is he calling Owens gay? Anyways, his analogy runs off the rails as he just starts naming various wrestling weapons – including hitting Owens with the new Smackdown announcer. He calls the announce table ride “Memory Lane” since Owens put him through an announce table. He’s going to bring things full circle by putting Owens through the announce table and he will be the LAST – MAN – STANDING. Well, Kevin Owens comes out. Ambrose may be insane, but Owens says he is obsessed with the WWE Intercontinental title. His obsession over the belt will win out in the end. When the fight ends, Ambrose will be unconscious and he will be once again the IC champ. Ambrose wants to fight Owens now, but that’s when the Miz jumps him from behind. Once Ambrose is down, Miz motions for Owens to come to the ring. Not wanting Miz to fight his battles, Owens turns on Miz and gives him the POP-UP POWERBOMB. When Owens can’t do the same to Ambrose, Owens rolls out to fight another day. DIRTY DEEDS to Miz! Ambrose shows Owens and all of us he can count to ten as another edition of Miz TV comes to an end.
- Bray Wyatt (w/the Wyatt Family) vs. Ryback
Back and forth brawl to start. Bray baits Ryback to the floor and gives him a Uranage on the ring apron. Commercials! When we return, Ryback mounts a comeback and powerbombs Wyatt out of the corner. Big knee in the corner and a superkick gets two. He misses a splash from on high though. Bray hits the Uranage in the ring and the running senton gets two. Ryback stops Sister Abigail though and hits a spinebuster followed by the Meat Hook clothesline. Time for the SHELL SHOCK, but the Wyatt family boys help Bray slip away from that one. Bray shoves Ryback out to Braun Strowman for a push into the steps. Back inside, SISTER ABIGAIL and the match comes to an end. (4:27 shown) Do not be fooled by what you see. We may be made of flesh and blood, but we are much more than just men. We are war. We are pestilence, famine, and death. And last Monday night on Raw, we slaughtered the beast BROCK LESNAR. At the Royal Rumble, we’re going to slaughter the rest of them. The apocalypse is here. Follow the buzzards. **
- Titus O’Neil vs. Stardust
I couldn’t care less about Titus O’Neil. I never have and never will. He’s a great athlete, but he does nothing for me. Let me say this: there is no way any person on planet Earth has ever gone to a WWE event to see this man. He’s not money. If he wasn’t good for PR by being a good person, there’s no way WWE would keep him around. CLASH OF THE TITUS wins the match for the guy though. (3:05) Zzzzz. ¾*
Before the break, we see Kalisto standing next to a stagehand looking at a script. YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THIS WHOLE THING IS SCRIPTED? Close the curtain! CLOSE THE CURTAIN!
When we come back, Renee Young is speaking with Kalisto. He considers the WWE US champ Alberto Del Rio as a legendary luchadore. He brings up the David versus Goliath analogy and how he’ll win out in the end. Del Rio stops by to intimidate the little man. Next thing we know, the other three members from the League of Nations come by as they do a number on Kalisto.
- Handicap Match: Roman Reigns vs. The League of Nations
Reigns cuts a promo before the match saying he will walk into the Royal Rumble as the WWE champ and he’ll leave the WWE champ. YOU CAN BELIEVE DAT. Onto the match, I think we know where this is going. Right? This is not about the League of Nations pinning Reigns, it’s clearly about softening up and hurting Reigns for the Rumble. Once he makes his comeback on Rusev and heads to the corner for his Superman Punch setup, the other three guys pounce on him for the super weak DQ. (4:57) Fellow Samoan family members the Usos come out and get their butts handed to them while Roman Reigns revives himself. Superman Punch to Rusev! SPEAR to Sheamus! Barrett and Del Rio decide to fight another day. The Wyatt Family appear surrounding the ring. He manages to dump out Luke Harper and Erick Rowan, but Braun Strowman is just too much MAN for him. He gives Reigns the YOKOSUKA CUTTER to knock him out for SISTER ABIGAIL. The Wyatts stand over Reigns victorious as we close the show. FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS.
Until next time, so long for now. Don’t expect a Royal Rumble Recap. I have better things to do like getting back to Lucha Underground, Portland, Memphis, and WWF 1998!
Posted on January 27, 2016, in WWE and tagged Alberto Del Rio, Alexander Rusev, Alicia Fox, Becky Lynch, Big E Langston, Braun Strowman, Bray Wyatt, Chris Jericho, Dean Ambrose, Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan, Kalisto, Kevin Owens, Kofi Kingston, League of Nations, Luke Harper, New Day, Roman Reigns, Ryback, Sheamus, Smackdown, Stardust, The Miz, The Usos, Titus O'Neil, Wade Barrett, Wyatt Family, Xavier Woods. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.