Lucha Underground
March 30, 2016
Los Angeles, CA
The Temple

The current Lucha Underground champs are as follows:
Lucha Underground Champion: Matanza (3/23/16)
Lucha Underground Gift of the Gods Champion: Vacant (3/16/16)
Lucha Underground Trios Champions: Son of Havoc, Ivelisse & Angelico (3/16/16)

In case you missed last week, here are some highlights:

NOW ONTO THIS WEEK:

HIPSTER BAND OF THE WEEK: Robert Rodriguez’s band Chingon. If you have seen “Once Upon a Time in Mexico” or “Machete”, you have probably heard them at some point during those movies.

Your hosts are Matt Striker and Vampiro.

Dario Cueto comes to the ring. He comes out to the ring to announce there will be a new trios tournament. When he mentions a new #1 contender for his brother Matanza’s Lucha Underground title, Pentagon Jr. interrupts wearing a silver and gold mask. Interesting! He feels the only reason Matanza is the champion right now is because Pentagon Jr. wasn’t allowed to compete in Aztec Warfare. When Cueto claims that maybe Pentagon Jr. wasn’t in Aztec Warfare because he isn’t championship material, Pentagon grabs him by the throat and demands a title match. Dario refuses him. Oh snap. Pentagon threatens to sacrifice Cueto to his master. That’s all the incentive Dario Cueto needs to change his mind and grant Pentagon Jr. a title match – TONIGHT!

• Johnny Mundo & Taya vs. The Crew
  

Taya starts off against Cortez Castro. They trade some strikes on each other. Tag to Cisco, they give Taya the double face slam. A tilt-a-whirl headscissors takes down Cisco. That’s when Mundo wants to tag. He lays in some elbows on Cisco. Moonlight Drive gets two. Striker makes a political comment when Mundo considers delivering the End of the World. Cisco sees it coming and rolls him up for two. He hits Mundo with a reverse neckbreaker and tags Cortez. Are they trying to turn these guys? When Johnny senses trouble, he tags in Taya. As Mundo gets kicked to the floor, Cortez tries to put Taya away with a DDT. Mundo breaks up the pin with a knee strike. Cisco and Mundo head to the floor as Cage comes out. He scares Mundo away – leaving Taya to take the PSYCHO REALM. Cover, 1-2-3. (4:41) It’s about time the Crew won. **

Marty the Moth tells us a story about the Moth tribe ruling the Aztec empire. They were known for their pride and wealth. They show us the most hilarious pictures of Marty enjoying the excesses of life in an almost subliminal speed. The best one has to be where he’s just surrounded by boobies. The Moth tribe is still wealthy today. Several masked luchadores get out of a fancy sports car. The Moth tribe knew the envy of the other tribes would bring war, but they had a secret weapon: Mariposa. She sneaks up behind the luchadores and destroys them all Kill Bill style. Her viciousness has become LEGEN-wait for it-DARY. The Mariposa mask has been passed down for generations and Marty’s sister has been declared the most deadly Mariposa of them all. Beware Mariposa – for she will lead the Moth tribe to rule again. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Elsewhere, we see that the Black Lotus is standing guard (it seems) outside Dario Cueto’s office. Catrina magically appears in his office anyways. He reminds Catrina what he said last week: this is his Temple. However, Catrina feels Matanza is not the rightful owner of the Lucha Underground title. Sooner or later, death (obvs meaning Mil Muertes) will come to collect. Matanza doesn’t fear death, but Dario Cueto definitely does. Dario says he has no beef with Catrina and offers her to consider some sort of alliance with him. When the time is right, Catrina tells him that his brother will face death. When that happens, this will once again be her Temple. POOF! She’s gone.

• Lucha Underground Trios Championship Elimination Match: Son of Havoc, Ivelisse & Angelico (c) vs. The Disciples of Death (w/Catrina)
  

Angelico battles the Golden One to start. I’ve never bothered to learn their names. He gets off a Japanese armdrag and bars the arm to tag in Havoc. Leg trip and a running senton gets two. Ivelisse gets a turn. Her size plays a factor as the Golden One lifts her up and tags the purple one. Some heel miscommunication allows her to come back with a northern lights suplex for two. She gets an O’Connor roll and gets kicked off into the ropes. Catrina grabs Ivelisse while the golden one kicks her in the face. She’s done. While the other two knock down Havoc and Angelico, the Purple One covers her for the first elimination at 2:38.

They cut the ring in half on Havoc for a bit. When his time comes, he somersaults like crazy over to Angelico for a tag. He’s all clotheslines and knee strikes. FALL OF THE ANGELS on the Silver One! Cover, 1-2-3. He gone at 4:46.

Angelico fights off the other two with a little help from Son of Havoc. The DOD boys end up on the floor for STEREO HIGH SPOTS. Back in, Angelico tries to put away the Purple One. He avoids Fall of the Angels and drives Angelico down on his face using his knees to turn this into a handicap match for Havoc at 6:34.

Havoc is obviously outnumbered, but bounces off the top rope using his shoulders and back elbows the DOD. He springs off the ropes and a crossbody block takes them down again. Havoc slides to the apron and springboard double stomps one right after the other! AWESOME. He finishes off the Golden One with a standing moonsault to send him out of here at 7:54.

And then there were two. Havoc gets blindsided by the Purple One, but he misses a flying moonsault. Havoc heads up top only for Catrina to trip him up. Ivelisse comes back out and kicks Catrina’s head off. HOLY CRAP. Where’s your vanishing powers now? The Purple One gets wiped out with back to back tope suicidas by Havoc. Back inside, Havoc delivers the SSP and picks up the win. (9:26) Fun as always, but fairly predictable win as the Disciples of Death really have no bite. Mil Muertes might as well just go ahead and waste them all at this point because they aren’t much of a threat to anybody. **½

Back in Dario Cueto’s office, he’s star struck by the appearance of Rey Mysterio. He’s only here to discuss El Dragon Azteca. Not his son, but Rey’s mentor who came into this Temple and never came out. Cueto pleads the fifth. Rey tells him that he’s dead and thinks Matanza is responsible. Dario swears to Rey and the Aztec gods that his brother had nothing to do with whatever happened to him. All Dario wants is to make his Temple the best fighting arena ever. He wants the most famous luchadore in the world and El Dragon Azteca Jr. to compete in his Temple, but they have to leave the past in the past. With that said, they drink to the memory of El Dragon Azteca.

• Sexy Star (w/The Mack) vs. Mariposa (w/Marty the Moth)
  

Sexy Star is too terrified to really be effective against Mariposa. She bails out only to be thrown back in by Marty. Mariposa misses a flying moonsault. Sexy Star is on the move gaining confidence, but Mariposa blocks a tilt-a-whirl headscissors and side slams her down. She then puts Sexy Star away with a Vertebreaker or as Striker calls it the BUTTERFLY EFFECT in 1:25. After the bell, The Mack checks on his friend Sexy Star. Marty and Mariposa of course can’t resist doing a number on him. *

Dario Cueto goes to unlock his brother out of his cage for the LU title match. He instructs Matanza to break Pentagon Jr.’s back so that he never shows his face in Dario’s Temple again.

• Lucha Underground Championship: Matanza (w/Dario Cueto) vs. Pentagon Jr.
  

Earlier we saw Pentagon Jr. with the gold and silver mask, but now he’s back to the standard black and silver. Pentagon tries to stick and move, but Matanza does not care. He superkicks Matanza flush on the face and he doesn’t budge. He’s even able to deliver the backstabber out of the corner, but Matanza NO-SELLS and pops right back up. It seems at this point, Pentagon gives up. Matanza takes him to the floor and throws him all around ringside. Back inside, Matanza shows off his suplex ability and gives Pentagon that standing powerslam move for the win. (3:59) Yeah, FOUR MINUTES to beat Pentagon Jr. Vampiro gets up and goes in the ring to check on Pentagon. He calls for a medic when Matanza kicks Vamp in the face. Matanza then takes Pentagon out to the floor and POWERBOMBS HIM THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE. *½

Now granted if you don’t watch Lucha Underground as often as I clearly do, seeing an announce table broken on wrestling doesn’t seem like a big deal. WWE does them now on what feels like a monthly basis. While there have certainly been announce table spots done in Lucha Underground before, no one has yet to break the table before Matanza. That makes the broken announce table spot mean so much – yet because we see it so much in WWE, this probably will go right over the heads of the viewers. Medics wheel out a stretcher to help Pentagon while our champion the Monster Matanza and Dario Cueto head for the exit sign. They skip ahead to Pentagon being put in the ambulance. We see a creepy look at Vampiro who has joined him.

Until next time, so long for now.