Lucha Underground on El Rey Network (05.04.16)
May 4, 2016
Los Angeles, CA
The current Lucha Underground champs are as follows:
Lucha Underground Champion: Matanza (3/23/16)
Lucha Underground Gift of the Gods Champion: Vacant (3/16/16)
Lucha Underground Trios Champions: Prince Puma, Rey Mysterio Jr. & El Dragon Azteca Jr (4/27/16)
In case you missed last week, here are some highlights:
NOW ONTO THIS WEEK:
Dario Cueto is doing something to the ceiling of his office when Catrina comes to see him. They need to talk. Catrina feels that Mil Muertes almost destroyed Dario’s brother Matanza and barely escaped with his title, but Dario feels differently on that subject. If Cueto is considering refusing Muertes a Lucha Underground title shot, Catrina promises it will take more than Dario’s fear of Muertes to protect him. Dario scoffs at the very idea. Whatever power the rock she carries around is no match for the power Dario unlocks with that key from around his neck. Cueto grants Mil Muertes his title rematch next week and to show how little afraid he is of Muertes, he even makes it a Grave Consequences match. If you don’t know, that’s a casket match – the signature match of LuchaTaker. Catrina accepts the terms, but then Dario ups the stakes by adding four caskets. Okay, how will that work? Dario calls this match: GRAVER Consequences. Catrina approves. She lets Dario know that after next week, there will be no question as to who destroyed whom. Cueto is counting on that. WOW.
HIPSTER BAND OF THE WEEK: Bang Data. Is Edward Snowden hiding out in this band?
Your hosts are Matt Striker and Vampiro.
- Gift of the Gods Aztec Medallion Match #4: The Mack vs. Marty the Moth
Marty gets knocked off the apron to start and drilled with a somersault plancha by the Mack before he even takes off his jacket. Back inside, Mack holds onto Marty while giving him a bunch of suplexes. Marty turns the tide with a jumping dropkick and throws his shirt at Melissa Santos. Vamp thinks she should get a tetanus shot, a rabies shot, and take a bath after that incident. Anywho, Marty doesn’t do much. He gives Mack an exploder suplex into the corner for two. Mack gets out of a neck wrench and mounts his comeback. Slam and a jumping legdrop gets two. One STUNNER doesn’t put Marty down, but a TKO STUNNER does the trick as Mack gets the win. (3:47) Well then. That was surprisingly short and simple. I would figure with their history Marty would have put up more of a fight. The Mack joins Texano, Aerostar, and Cage as winners of an Aztec medallion. Only three more matches to go until we decide a new Gift of the Gods champion. *½
Elsewhere, Catrina confronts King Cuerno in the locker room. She says that El Siniestro de la Muerte will protect Mil Muertes from having to defend against a Gift of the Gods champion since King Cuerno totally dropped the ball on that plan of hers. Cuerno tells Catrina that Siniestro de la Muerte is his prey because he stands in the way of Cuerno getting his Aztec medallion. If Mil does get his Lucha Underground title back, he won’t make the same mistake twice. Cuerno will take the title from Muertes and Muertes will be the most prized possession in his trophy room. So deer head, moose head, Mil Muertes head? THE HUNT IS ON. Catrina is not happy.
Meanwhile in Dario Cueto’s office, Sexy Star stops by to talk with the boss. Since the horrible thing that happened to Sexy Star at the end of last season, Dario says he has noticed a change in her. He can tell by the look in her eyes. It’s that same look he saw once upon a time in his own mother who he calls an “evil bitch”. She did cruel things to Dario and Matanza because they were captives to her sick and twisted desires. Sexy can relate. The only way Dario and Matanza got their mother to stop abusing them was when they stood up to her and said “no mas”. Cueto tells Sexy to stand up to Mariposa. Not only will he give her the match, but an Aztec medallion is on the line. Dario makes this a “no mas” match. It’s an “I quit” match. He instructs Sexy not to stop no matter what Mariposa says. If Sexy wants that look of terror to leave her eyes, she must not stop until she sees that same look of terror in Mariposa’s eyes. AWESOME. Sexy seems motivated. As she walks out, Dario seems pretty proud of the advice he just gave her.
- Gift of the Gods Aztec Medallion Match #5: King Cuerno vs. El Siniestro de la Muerte (w/Catrina)
Since the incident happened backstage, it doesn’t seem that Striker and Vamp are aware that the other two Disciples of Death are dead. Cuerno owns Siniestro like this is a job match. As he goes for the signature tope suicida, Catrina hops up on the apron and whacks Cuerno with the Aztec stone. With Cuerno doubled over, Siniestro delivers a Springboard Famouser for the upset win. (1:44) Siniestro gets that fifth Aztec medallion. Catrina seems to be giving Cuerno the lick of death, but she whispers something in his ear and cleans his clock again with the stone. Really just a short angle match. Nothing much here. ½*
In the back, Mascarita Sagrada is PUMPING IRON, brah. That’s when Famous B comes by to visit. I was wondering when we would see him again. He’s got the 423-GET-FAME number going up and down his tie. Famous B tells Sagrada that he has a match booked and when he beats his opponent, Sagrada gon’ be famous. Not only that, but there’s an Aztec medallion in it for him. That match is next! So stop stallin’ and start ballin’. I seriously love this man.
Tons of backstage segments this week. Chavo Guerrero comes into Dario Cueto’s office asking why he doesn’t have a match for one of the Aztec medallions. Dario doesn’t think he deserves one. He gets hurt when he has a LU title match and he’s lost both Aztec Warfare matches. Since Chavo sucks when he is given opportunities, Dario has cut him off. To prove his worth, Chavo storms off with obviously a plan in mind to show Dario just how good he can be. Dario just rolls his eyes.
- Gift of the Gods Aztec Medallion Match: Cage vs. Mascarita Sagrada (w/The Beautiful Brenda & Famous B)
Famous B comes out and does his pitch for making people famous before introducing his new client Mascarita Sagrada. Brenda is Sagrada’s lovely assistant. By the way, Cage puts his Aztec medallion on the line here. Someone needs a new agent. This won’t last long. Sagrada gets put away with a crazy F-5 to end this one in :52. After the bell when all three people are checking on poor Sagrada, Chavo Guerrero sneaks in the ring and steals the Aztec medallion out of the ref’s hand. Famous B says Cage just got robbed, but I believe CAGE JUST GOT GUERRERO’D.
- “No Mas” Gift of the Gods Aztec Medallion Match #6: Sexy Star vs. Mariposa
For those who didn’t read above, this is an “I quit” match. Vamp puts over the importance of being made to say that you quit in a wrestling match nicely by saying he always shied away from this type of match during his career because he would rather die than say he quits to another human being. This starts out with Mariposa controlling the action. Sexy finds her first opportunity to take over when she drop toeholds Mariposa into the corner and starts giving her bronco busters. Sexy delivers the Three Amigos and applies a half crab. Mariposa turns the hold over and puts Sexy in a modified Indian Deathlock. Nobody is quitting this early. Out to the floor for some ringside violence. They bring out some chairs that get thrown in Sexy’s face. She comes back and whacks another chair into Mariposa’s lady parts. Striker – “STEELY DAN!” Sexy tries choking her out, but goes back to work by kicking Mariposa through the uprights. Mariposa though bounces Sexy’s face off the railing before she drags Sexy up the stairs by her hair. She locks in a headscissors and rips at Sexy’s mask trying to get her to quit to prevent losing her mask. They end up all the way in the rafters teasing Sexy falling off the scaffold. Of course it never happens. Sexy gets busted open up there after getting her head smashed off the bannister. They head back down the ladder over to the roof of Dario Cueto’s office. So they basically just went there for nothing? We are to believe Sexy has lost so much blood that she’s staggering around on the roof there. She can come down a ladder just fine, but can’t stand up straight now? I don’t buy it. I like Lucha Underground, but this is extreme wrestling melodrama for my tastes. Marty the Moth appears to slam a door into Sexy’s face. The Mack shows up and beats Marty until they go off-camera. Even though Sexy hits Mariposa with somebody’s purse, Mariposa brings Sexy back to ringside. I can see women’s lib folks being happy about this match up until that moment. Over at the announce table, Mariposa blocks a wheelbarrow bulldog move and swings Sexy into the table a few times. Striker recalls how Sexy is someone’s daughter to draw sympathy out of us. PICK A SIDE, Lucha Underground. You either are for strong women or you’re not. Anyways, Sexy keeps fighting back and kicks away Mariposa. She abuses Mariposa with a trash can. Back in the ring, Sexy flips out of the BUTTERFLY EFFECT, but charges into a clothesline. The KONDO CLUTCH is applied. When Sexy is asked if she quits, she drops a couple F-bombs. Didn’t know you could say that on El Rey, but whatevs. For some reason when Sexy says this, Mariposa gives up on the hold. That would just make me squeeze tighter. Sexy jumps on her back for a choke hold. Although if she chokes her out, she can’t quit the match. Marty comes back out to break up the hold, but the Mack comes out as well and drops Marty with a STUNNER. Sexy grabs a cross armbreaker and hyperextends the elbow until Mariposa says “no mas” to end the match. (15:26) If you’re going to go to a finish in the “I quit” match, I think Sexy should have had more offense there at the end. I realize it’s a cross armbreaker, which is a legit submission, but there was no work on the arm at all. Mariposa did 80% of the work here and Sexy is the one made to look great. The interference from Marty and the Mack should have only happened once – not twice. It felt like to me they were trying to protect Sexy’s weaknesses over a much performer in my book. Just my two cents there. This was pretty good, but it should have been much more of a butt-kicking from the side of Sexy Star than it was here. ***½
NEXT WEEK: Matanza/Muertes II!
Until then, so long for now
Posted on May 6, 2016, in Lucha Underground and tagged Beautiful Brenda, Cage, Catrina, Chavo Guerrero, Dario Cueto, Disciples of Death, Famous B, King Cuerno, Lucha Underground, Mariposa, Marty the Moth, Mascarita Sagrada, Sexy Star, The Mack. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.