TEN YEARS AFTER: WWE RAW (08.20.07)
August 20, 2007
The current RAW champions are as follows:
WWE Champion: John Cena (9/17/2006)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Umaga (7/2/2007)
World Tag Team Champions: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (6/4/2007)
WWE Women’s Champion: Candice Michelle (6/24/2007)
Your hosts are Jim Ross & Tazz. Ross explains Lawler’s absence saying he’s still out of action because of King Booker’s assault last week.
Randy Orton is already in the ring ready to gloat over the “RKO on the chair” to John Cena spot from Saturday Night’s Main Event. He thinks that little bit of footage will become the most played video in the history of the WWE. In order to save himself a ton of embarrassment by losing this Sunday at SummerSlam, Orton gives the champ an opportunity to forfeit his WWE title. Instead of John Cena, Orton gets Mr. McMahon.
He doesn’t want to talk about John Cena and tells us that he now knows his “illegitimate child” is a son. How did he find this out? No idea. McMahon would hope his son had the genetic makeup of Randy Orton, but knows Bob Orton Jr. well enough to know Randy is Bob’s kid. He hopes his third child isn’t like Shane or Stephanie because all they want is his money. McMahon then chastises the crowd for enjoying him suffer through this time in his life. Vince tells Orton that he hopes his kid isn’t anything like John Cena because Cena has no dignity.
Looks like they were killing time until JOHN CENA shows up on the TitanTron. He asks a stagehand where Orton is and heads for the ring. No bruises, bumps, or cuts on Cena’s face from that RKO. Orton bails out and stands over the rail to keep his distance. First off, Cena tells Vince he hopes he’s not his kid. HOW DO SO MANY OF THESE WRESTLERS NOT KNOW WHO THEIR REAL DAD IS? As for Orton, the message he sent to Cena on SNME was loud and clear. Cena has a message too: he will be at SummerSlam and will retain his WWE championship. Vince thinks Cena might be lying and says if Cena doesn’t show at SummerSlam, he will strip Cena of the WWE title. Speaking of stripping, Vince brings up Cena’s mother and says he could have very well “done” his mom. Hilarious! Cena slaps the crap out of McMahon, who then makes sure his jaw is still where it’s supposed to be and rolls out to leave up the ramp with Orton. If Cena wants action tonight, McMahon puts Cena in a match against the UNDEFEATED MONSTER Snitsky. The crowd seems disappointed – as am I.
Rey Mysterio returns at SummerSlam!
- Candice Michelle & Mickie James vs. Melina & Beth Phoenix
Candice gets some sort of techno remix for her theme music. The RAW GM William Regal comes out and makes a tri-branded Divas battle royal for SummerSlam where the winner gets a future shot at Candice Michelle and her WWE Women’s title. Melina and Phoenix BUM RUSH THE SHOW to start. Mickie gets cornered on the wrong side of town. Phoenix hits a nice slingshot suplex for two. Candice gets a hot tag and several nearfalls on Melina. She knocks Phoenix off the apron and rolls up Melina for the win. (1:35) To show there are no friends going into SummerSlam, Mickie turns on Candice and dumps her to the floor. Beth Phoenix and Melina do the same bit. ½*
In the back, Santino Marella confronts William Regal about his girl Maria going on a date with Ron Simmons and wants it stopped. Regal thinks he should just chill out. Santino tells Regal he sounds like a “limp wristed hairdresser”. Regal then orders Santino not to interfere in their date. Santino says something under his breath and walks off.
Elsewhere, King Booker and Queen Sharmell are hanging out. His crown is sitting on a pillow. Booker wants to ruin Triple H’s surprise by letting everybody know that he’s in the building tonight. Sharmell then cordially invites Triple H to the ring to attend the actual crowning of King Booker. You shan’t be disappointed, folks.
Vince continues talking to Coach about who he thinks his illegitimate son is. They come across Val Venis and Coach thinks it could explain a lot as to why Val became a porn star in the first place. Vince then blames Shane McMahon for all of his bad luck over the last year. Daivari randomly appears and embraces Vince as his father. He puts the headpiece on Vince who gets furious that Daivari messed up his hair. Vince then comes face to face with Mr. Kennedy, and they share a moment. McMahon keeps on walking though and talking to Coach about what qualities he thinks his son should have.
- Cody Rhodes vs. Shelton Benjamin (w/Charlie Haas)
Much like last week with Haas, Benjamin treats this match like a squash against a rookie. BUT THIS KID IS A RHODES. Cody makes a comeback, but he’s cut off with a backbreaker. Benjamin goes for a Boston crab, but Cody counters and twists around into a rollup for the upset three-count we all saw coming. (3:03) After the bell, Cody takes the Leapfrog Guillotine finish from TWGTT. *
Let Us Take You Back to RAW Last Week: Cryme Tyme attacks Cade and Murdoch with a chair.
- Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs. Paul London & Brian Kendrick
London and Kendrick shine like crazy for the first minute or so controlling Cade and Murdoch with armdrags that look rather silly considering their size differences. Ross uses the “leverage” defense to help us suspend our disbelief. After London and Kendrick deliver STEREO TOPE SUICIDAS to the tag champs, Cryme Tyme appear and steal Murdoch’s hat to auction off to the crowd. That gets the rednecks all distracted as Kendrick surprises Cade with a crucifix for the upset three-count. (3:42) Is it really an upset though if they controlled 95% of the match? Some dill hole in the audience gets the hat for $2. He looks like he will grow up to be either Dean Ambrose or Jack Evans. ¾*
Time for Maria’s date with Ron Simmons. They go to It’z Sports Bar & Grill in Fayetteville, which ten years later is no longer in business. To give you an idea of how classy Fayetteville is, the bar they chose for this date on worldwide TV is about a half mile from the local Wal-Mart. Just taking a gal out on the town, Maria might be the most attractive Diva ever. After Ron orders things that rhyme with DAMN, Santino shows up with Jillian Hall on his arm asking to join them and calls her Lillian. Maria assures Ron that they will still have a good time, but Ron is not happy. DON’T STEP TO RON, SANTINO.
Back in the arena, Queen Sharmell introduces her King Booker. The crowd isn’t interested in what Booker has to say. They just want Triple H. The attack on Jerry Lawler from last week in MSG gets replayed. Now time for Triple H. Oh, but we get a fake Triple H instead. He puts the crown on Booker’s head and gets shown mercy as he’s sent to the back without a finger laid upon him. Booker goes over to confront “James Ross” for his comments last week. He wants Ross to kiss his ring, but JR won’t do it. Booker then threatens to kick his ass. Sharmell forces JR’s face on Booker’s hand. Booker then gives Ross a shove back down into his chair and walks away feeling victorious. I miss this character.
After the break, Tazz says if he knew it would have gotten physical, he would have stayed and defended Ross. JR then says it is “GAME ON” at SummerSlam for King Booker.
Now back over at It’z, Jillian Hall starts singing. Santino pays off the waiter to come by the table and put him over talking about the “bulge of his enormous genitals”. Faarooq wasn’t fooled one bit and calls him a “sham” because it rhymes with “DAMN”.
His guest tonight is the IC champ Umaga. Carlito wants an IC title match at SummerSlam. When they start discussing IC title matches, Mr. Kennedy comes out to the ring. Kennedy thinks Carlito should show Umaga more respect than he’s showing right now. He’s also beaten Bobby Lashley which is something not even Umaga could do. The way he sees it is that Kennedy deserves an IC title shot more than Carlito. Before Kennedy can drop the second “Kennedy”, Umaga kicks his head off and destroys Carlito’s set. WHO IS GONNA STOP THE SAMOAN BULLDOZER? Awesome. RAW GM William Regal comes out and makes a match between Carlito and Kennedy to see who will get Umaga at SummerSlam. That match is next!
- Carlito vs. Mr. Kennedy
Lots of slugging on each other to start. We’re talking 3-4 minutes where nothing really happens. Something tells me these two don’t want to work together. Carlito misses a springboard back elbow and falls to the floor after getting thrown into the ring post. Kennedy then props Carlito by the steps and kicks him in the shoulder – just like he did to Lashley two weeks ago. Commercials! When we come back, Kennedy is ripping at and stomping on the shoulder. Carlito avoids the Running Face Wash and catches Kennedy with a clothesline for two. As payback for what happened earlier, Carlito runs Kennedy shoulder-first into the post. Carlito gets several nearfalls, but can’t get the win. Over in the corner, they go back and forth until Carlito gets a superplex. While still holding onto each other, they cradle each other for the double-pin. (10:50 shown) Man, I hate that finish. The ref declares the match a draw. Since there’s no winner, RAW GM William Regal comes out and makes the IC title match at SummerSlam a triple-threat. So Umaga’s chances of winning just went down because these two can’t beat each other? Well, that’s just bad booking. Bad match, too. *
Back at It’z, Santino threatens Ron Simmons if he ever puts his hands on him again. The waiter spills a tray of food on Santino. Maria offers him a napkin like that will help. Everything is turning up Ron Simmons now as he drops a “DAMN”.
Ross and Tazz run down the card for SummerSlam.
Backstage, Vince talks with Melina. Coach is here with the new Divas magazine. Vince says she looks great and offers his penis (that he refers to as a Super Soaker®) to her. Yep, that’s what he said. Snitsky is here. He never knew his parents. All he’s ever known is causing pain. He will cause pain for Cena tonight.
- John Cena vs. Snitsky
Another week, another fire-breathing dragon for Cena to vanquish here in 2007. There’s none of that mixed crowd reaction smart mark stuff here tonight. Fayetteville is solidly behind Cena. Snitsky destroys Cena to set up Cena’s big comeback. The Flying Famouser connects. He tries the FU, but Orton appears and RKOs Cena for the DQ. (4:52) He drops Cena with another RKO and grabs the WWE title. MY PRECIOUS! **
SummerSlam 2007 is next! Until then, so long for now.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP: John Cena (c) vs. Randy Orton
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: The Great Khali (c) vs. Batista
ECW CHAMPIONSHIP: John Morrison (c) vs. CM Punk
WWE Intercontinental Championship: Umaga (c) vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Carlito
Triple H vs. King Booker
Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero
Kane vs. Finlay
Divas Battle Royal
Posted on August 20, 2017, in WWE and tagged Beth Phoenix, Booker T, Brian Kendrick, Candice Michelle, Carlito, Charlie Haas, Cody Rhodes, Cryme Tyme, DelAvar Daivari, Gene Snitsky, Jillian Hall, John Cena, Jonathan Coachman, Lance Cade, Maria, Melina, Mickie James, Mr. Kennedy, Paul London, Queen Sharmell, Randy Orton, Ron Simmons, Santino Marella, Shelton Benjamin, Trevor Murdoch, Val Venis, Vince McMahon, William Regal. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.
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