WWF: Raw is War
August 17, 1998
Des Moines, IA
Veterans Memorial Auditorium

The current WWF champs are as follows:
WWF Champion: Steve Austin (6/29/1998)
Intercontinental Champion: The Rock (12/8/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: Kane & Mankind (8/10/1998)
European Champion: D’Lo Brown (7/20/1998)
Light Heavyweight Champion: TAKA Michinoku (12/7/1997)

Before we hit that Raw intro, Stone Cold Steve Austin is shown outside Mr. McMahon’s office door trying to break in, but of course Vince won’t budge. He yells that Vince better meet him in the ring right now. Alright, now play the intro.

TIME TO GET RAW. Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

*GLASS BREAKS* Here comes the WWF champion Stone Cold Steve Austin heading to the ring. Austin says he’ll be drinking his 23 beers while he’s waiting for Vince McMahon. Basically, he’s taking over the show. Gerald Brisco, Pat Patterson, and Commissioner Slaughter appear on the ramp. Austin is getting impatient. Hey look, there’s Mr. McMahon. The Three Stooges follow behind him on the way to the ring to meet Austin. This crowd is jacked. Austin thinks Vince is giddy over the fact that he and the Undertaker are no longer WWF tag team champions, but that’s just fine with Austin because he doesn’t trust anybody anyway and doesn’t want to wait for a tag to clean up the Undertaker’s mess over tag team gold. Anyways, Austin says he’s going to stuff the Undertaker in the back of his hearse tonight and if Vince gets in his way, Austin will stick him in the hearse as well as they will all three go on the “Highway to Hell” at 110 mph. Since I’m watching this on the WWE Network, I feel like we missed something with the hearse and I think it’s AC/DC related.

We are at the stage in the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal where Bill Clinton had admitted in taped grand jury testimony that he had in fact engaged in an “improper physical relationship” with Monica Lewinsky and apparently Jerry Lawler is going to “scoop the networks” by getting a statement from the White House tonight. We’ll see how that goes.

• Ken Shamrock vs. Dan Severn vs. Owen Hart

This is not the first triple-threat match in the WWF, but it is one of the earliest televised triple-threat matches in the WWF. Severn stands back and lets Owen and Shamrock fight it out to start. Commissioner Slaughter makes sure the Nation head back to the dressing room. Owen slows down Shamrock with a Spinning Heel Kick. Ross and Lawler hype the Lions Den match between Owen and Shamrock at SummerSlam. Owen follows up with a backbreaker and a gutwrench suplex. The Enziguri Kick of Debilitating Head Trauma connects. Shamrock comes back with a hip attack and a Frankensteiner. He’s ready to snap. The Belly-to-Belly Suplex gets two as finally Dan Severn gets involved and breaks up the pin. Owen grabs Shamrock from behind with a bridging German suplex for 1-2-NO! Shamrock kicks away the Sharpshooter and goes from an armbar takedown to the ANKLELOCK. While Shamrock has the hold locked in, Severn comes up from behind with the BEAST CHOKER. Owen kicks at Shamrock’s face while Severn wins via choke out. (4:40) So basically, Owen and Shamrock did a four minute match, and Severn scooped up the victory. Severn won’t release the hold. Steve Blackman shows up and takes care of Owen – with a SIDE SLAM! Once Severn sees Blackman, he releases the hold and then puts the BEAST CHOKER on Blackman! Commissioner Slaughter, Tony Garea, Dave Hebner, and other referees get this thing settled. Shamrock and Blackman are out cold. Severn and Owen are high-fiving each other. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE, KING? Once Shamrock is helped up to his feet, Blackman is standing again as well. Shamrock needs to go ballistic on somebody, but Blackman reminds Shamrock he came down here to save his ass. He starts threatening Commissioner Slaughter and Shamrock barks at Slaughter up the ramp as we go to commercial. That would have been awesome. *½

• Brawl for All Semifinal: The Godfather (w/three hos) vs. Bart Gunn

Lawler talks to “Bill Clinton” over the phone. Bill thinks Godfather’s hos would make great interns. Ya know, they probably wouldn’t. Bill says he loves it Raw. Even Hillary knows that. Yeah, like they have ever had sex more than once. Anyways, Bill will apparently be joining us later in the show. Godfather doesn’t bother offering Bart Gunn his hos tonight because he just wants to kick Bart’s ass.

FIRST ROUND: Godfather tries to get a takedown early, but then both guys start looking for knockout punches. Bart leads 5-0.

SECOND ROUND: Godfather gives Bart a few good punches and Bart goes to take him down. Bart gets cornered which looks like bad news, but he literally fights his way out and knocks Godfather on his backside at the end of the round. Bart still leads 20-0.

THIRD ROUND: Godfather starts blocking Bart’s “left jab”, but doesn’t see the right hand coming and gets knocked out to go to the finals. Gunn goes over to JR and says he deserves some respect and Ross tells him he’s “earning it”. Unfortunately, Bart is actually setting himself up to get knocked out of the WWF at WrestleMania 15 by a real Toughman fighter 150 pounds bigger than him by the name of “Butterbean”.

Meanwhile, Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman are going crazy backstage looking for Owen Hart and Dan Severn.

Gangrel is NEXT!

But first, Michael Cole has heard that Owen Hart’s special trainer for his Lion’s Den match against Ken Shamrock is Dan Severn. Owen and Severn have left the building, but apparently we will hear from Ken Shamrock later in the show.

• Gangrel vs. Brian Christopher (w/Scott Taylor)

Gangrel debuted the previous night on Sunday Night Heat beating Scott Taylor, which makes this his RAW debut. Now he gets the other half of Too Much. Ross refers to Gangrel as “a weird son of a gun”. HE’S A VAMPIRE, JR. Edge is shown sitting up in the audience. He seems…intrigued. Taylor provides the distraction as Christopher beats on Gangrel in the corner and gives him a flying bulldog. Gangrel comes right back with a double-underhook powerbomb for two. Next thing you know, Gangrel rolls out of a reverse neckbreaker and hits the IMPALER for the win in 1:04. Holy crap that was fast. Gangrel is SCARY.

Michael Cole gets a word from Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman. TWO HOSPITAL BEDS FOR OWEN AND SEVERN. They start breaking up the cyclone fence set backstage as Michael Cole gets the heck out of there.

After the break, Michael Cole is ready to interview D-Generation X at the same spot Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman just tore apart while the Nation interrupt immediately. Looks like the street fight could just happen now, but they just wanted to give the marks a TASTE.

• Disciples of Apocalypse (w/Paul Ellering) vs. Faarooq & Scorpio

Rematch from 7/27 RAW. Once again, “Bill Clinton” is on the phone and has a message for the American people: his job is still getting done and the economy is doing great. The more he’s gettin’ it on, the more he’s gettin’ it done. Faarooq and let’s say 8-Ball start us off. All hell is breaking loose backstage between the Nation and DX. No cameramen can seem to get to the back to cover it. Anyways, Scorpio runs wild on Skull with his kicks and such. He ends up playing face-in-peril. Hey, remember it was Ron Simmons who introduced Too Cold Scorpio to the WCW audience? Finally, the cameraman clues us in on the Nation and DX fight backstage as they are all heading towards the ring. Faarooq gets the hot tag and powerslams 8-Ball for the 450 SPLASH. The Nation and DX have brawled down to ringside. For some reason, this is interesting to the ref and the good guys. DOA do the twin-switch and Scorpio gets cradled for the pinfall. (4:30) DX and the Nation are FINALLY separated, so they can have their entrances and REALLY have the match when we come back. ¾*

ENTER THE WARZONE. Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

• Street Fight: D-Generation X vs. The Nation

Chyna is “conspicuous by her absence”. Maybe she’s not allowed in the state of Iowa. Godfather is still licking his wounds at the hands of Bart Gunn, so it’s 4-on-3. We’ve got your basic WWF Hardcore-style weapons all around ringside, which is actually more WCW at this point in time. Trash cans, cookie sheets, and what not. You know the deal. DX runs wild to start. Lots of DDTs on cookie sheets. The Rock lands the People’s Elbow on Road Dogg. Billy Gunn breaks up the pin and gives Rock a piledriver on a baking sheet. Hey look, it’s JEFF JARRETT. He goes right after X-Pac who is already in fighting mode. X-Pac pounds on Jarrett with his back to the rampway as SOUTHERN JUSTICE appears and saves Jarrett. With X-Pac down, Jarrett pulls out some clippers and cuts off some of X-Pac’s hair. By the way, Triple H takes ROCK BOTTOM in the ring. Oh man. Jarrett and Southern Justice start beating up Billy Gunn while X-Pac makes the save with a trash can. Meanwhile, Triple H gets busted open as he’s being mugged by the Nation. A ladder gets put in the ring as the Nation continue to abuse Helmsley. Southern Justice and Jarrett continue to beat up on X-Pac and the Outlaws. The Rock then decides to leave him laying, grabs his IC belt, and heads for the locker room. Match over? (6:40) What a mess! **

Tiger Ali Singh comes out to pay an American $500 to lick Abu’s feet since he’s been working out all day (to the Sultan’s theme music!) and didn’t get a chance to shower. Yep, Abu’s toe jam looked like someone glued Golden Crisp cereal all over his toes.

We catch Sable stretching her body out for the “arm wrestling” contest. Why would you need to stretch anything but your arms in this case? They take us back to Sunday Night Heat to show the setup for this one.

• Arm Wrestling Match: Sable vs. Jacqueline

Sable brings with her the bikini contest trophy that I thought she gave to Luna. Seems pretty messed up to me if she wanted it back. Anyways, Marc Mero is “conspicuous by his absence.” Ross explains the Insane Clown Posse will be at SummerSlam. Jackie doesn’t want to lock up. PSYCHOLOGICAL MINDGAMES~! Once they lock up, they go back and forth. Just before Jackie loses, she lets go and turns the table over on Sable. Jackie then grabs the trophy and breaks it over Sable! AWESOME. Out comes Marc Mero, but the Oddities and Luna are right there to protect their “friend” Sable. Giant Silva gets to carry Sable back to the locker room for medical assistance.

Michael Cole asks Val Venis why he would want a gauntlet match with Kaientai. Val says it’s because he’s able to go all night long. If he wins, he gets five minutes with Yamaguchi-san to show him first hand what it’s like to be “severed at the head”.

DROZ’S WORLD: He’s got tattoos! Wow, he’s so crazy!

• Brawl for All Semifinal: Darren Drozdov vs. Bradshaw

FIRST ROUND: Bradshaw connects with the most blows if you will and leads 5-0.

SECOND ROUND: Droz manages to land some big blows in round two, and also seems to get a takedown. Ref gives it to him. Droz is now up 10-5 at the end of the round.

THIRD ROUND: They both go for takedowns, but neither man gets one. While they both landed blows, the judges go with Bradshaw via decision. Whatever. Bradshaw and Bart Gunn meet in the Brawl for All Finals next week in Philadelphia.

They show the replay of Bart Gunn knocking out Godfather from earlier in the show.

We check in with Al Snow who will be coming back to the WWF. They show him in a tavern somewhere and it seems Head can’t hold his liquor. Jerry Lawler hopes that Al Snow and Head doesn’t show up in Philadelphia next week.

Dustin Runnels tells us not to poison our mind with watching the next segment of War Zone. Maybe spend your time reading the New Testament because “He is coming back”. We’ll see what he REALLY means by that I’m sure at some point. This message was sponsored by the Evangelists Against Television Movies and Entertainment. Yes, it spells EATME.

Sable comes back out demanding Jacqueline for a fight. Jackie shows up with Marc Mero on the TitanTron and dares Sable to bring somebody with her to SummerSlam for a fight. Next thing we see, the Oddities are running off Jackie and Marc Mero.

Michael Cole is backstage telling us Steve Austin is looking for the Undertaker. When he finds him, he’ll be standing by to show us what happens. He’s sure Austin will keep his word about putting the Undertaker in the hearse tonight.

• Gauntlet Match: Val Venis vs. Kaientai

Val brings a pink Super Soaker with him to the ring and makes a Bill Clinton sex joke. Ha har har har. Commissioner Slaughter makes sure it’s just one member of Kaientai at a time. Men’s Teioh is first. It doesn’t take much as Venis delivers the Fisherman’s Suplex for the pinfall in 1:11.

Sho Funaki flies in from the top rope and eats a powerslam in :15.

Jerry Lawler talks to Bill Clinton again. Dick Togo is next. He takes a big powerbomb from Val for two. Next week in Philly, they mention Bill Clinton will face Ken Starr. We’ll see. Venis buries the knees into Togo as he runs into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Togo gets his neck snapped on the top rope and gives him a second powerbomb to set up the MONEY SHOT in 2:50.

TAKA Michinoku is the final member of Kaientai for Val to face. When things are looking good for Val, TAKA ducks a crossbody causing Val to go flying out to the floor. Michinoku comes off the top with one of his signature dives. Back in, Val needs to put TAKA away. He boots down Michinoku and follows up with a butterfly suplex. That gets two. TAKA blocks a charge in the corner and avoids a second charge, which stuns Venis. TAKA looks for the Michinoku Driver, but Val blocks and lands a big slam. Flying elbow from Venis misses. As Val gets up, TAKA grabs him for the MICHINOKU DRIVER for the win at 3:30. *½ for the whole thing.

So no five minutes with Yamaguchi-san for Val. While Kaientai stomp the crap out of what’s left of him, Mrs. Yamaguchi comes down to the ring with her hubby. She gets to slap Val Venis around. Oh boy. While Kaientai celebrates, Venis grabs his pink Super Soaker and sprays everybody out of the ring so JR and Lawler can make more Bill Clinton jokes.

The Undertaker’s music play, but there’s no Undertaker. Wait, there he is. He appears on the ringsteps and raises his arms as the lights can slowly turn back on. *GLASS BREAKS* Here comes Steve Austin to the ring. It’s showdown time. Taker has his back turned to Austin. Next thing we see, fire shoots from the corners. It’s not the Undertaker, THAT’S KANE. He grabs Austin and gives him a CHOKESLAM. Kane takes off the garb and starts beating the shit out of Austin. Naturally, Austin fights back. Thesz Press! They go to the floor and into the crowd for more fighting – making their way to the hearse. Austin takes over and throws Kane into the hearse. As he gets to the driver’s side door, Austin realizes the door is locked. UNDERTAKER IS DRIVING THE HEARSE. WHERE TO, KANE? Taker drives away and it appears the Undertaker and Kane are together again. Maybe?

That’s all for this week. Until next time, so long for now.