WWF: Raw is War (01.11.99)

WWF: Raw is War
January 11, 1999
Houston, TX
Compaq Center

The current WWF champs are as follows:
WWF Champion: Mankind (1/4/1999)
Intercontinental Champion: Ken Shamrock (10/12/1998)
World Tag Team Champions: The Big Boss Man & Ken Shamrock (12/14/1998)
European Champion: X-Pac (10/18/1998)
Light Heavyweight Champion: Duane Gill (11/23/1998)
Hardcore Champion: Road Dogg (12/21/1998)
Women’s Champion: Sable (11/15/1998)

TIME TO GET RAW! Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

The entire D-GENERATION X comes out to the stage to introduce the *new* WWF champion Mankind. They debut Mankind’s *new* car crash entrance music and TitanTron video, which will follow him for the rest of his WWE appearances. And if you ain’t down with that, they got one word for ya: SOCKO. D-X leaves as Mankind heads to the ring to talk to the fans. We catch The Rock, Vince, and Shane McMahon watching from the locker room on a monitor. They do not look happy – IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT. Mankind declares last week as the greatest moment of his 15-year career. It took him forever to convince the WWF that he had what it took because he didn’t look like a star, so he thanks Jim Ross for signing him. He hopes Ross gets better soon because Mankind wants him to call one of his WWF championship matches. Mankind thanks D-X for watching his back last week. Oh yeah, and he also thanks Stone Cold Steve Austin. It looks like Mankind owes Austin one. Mankind achieved his dream of becoming the WWF champion last Monday night, but he also wants nothing more than to wrestle Steve Austin at WrestleMania over the WWF title. THE ROCK, VINCE and SHANE MCMAHON interrupt from the stage. Shane refers to Mankind as a “disgrace” to the WWF title. Since Mankind and D-X seem to be friends now and the McMahons want to gain a measure of revenge, Shane announces that D-X will be involved in singles matches, but also in a “Corporate Royal Rumble” that will happen later tonight involving members of D-X and the Corporation. The winner gets to become the #30 entrant in the Royal Rumble match. Now over to the Rock, he believes Mankind never ever beat him for the WWF title. He had to get help from that bald headed jabroni Stone Cold Steve Austin. The day will come when the Rock and Steve Austin will meet – and the Rock will lay the smackdown on his candy ass like never before. But for now, Rock feels Mankind isn’t worthy of being the WWF champ. He refers to Mankind as a monkey taking a crap in the ring. Not to mention, the people want – nay, NEED – the Rock as the WWF champion because he’s intelligent, articulate, and pretty damn good looking. The millions (and MILLIONS) of the Rock’s fans want the Rock as the WWF champ. The least that Mankind’s ass can do is give the Rock a WWF title shot at the Royal Rumble. Mankind has already beat the Rock’s ass twice – and doesn’t feel the Rock is championship material. The Rock ups the ante to a “No DQ” Match. Mankind isn’t interested. Sorry, pal. The Rock tries to sweeten the pie with a “no countout” stipulation as well. No thanks, Rock. What about no Corporation members at ringside? Mankind mocks the Rock and sticks to his guns. Not to be outdone, Rock tells Mankind that he should take his sock and put it on and then feel around between his legs because he obviously has nothing there. Mankind’s ire is raised – one day he WILL stick Mr. Socko between a pair of legs – but not his – oh no – and then we shall find out for sure what the Rock is cooking. Finally Rock says he quits trying to get – and Mankind says “I accept”. Mankind says no DQ, no countout, no Corporate members at ringside, no stopping the match for excessive blood loss – because there will be excessive blood loss – no knockouts, an “I Quit” match. Mankind says he won’t use any submission holds, he’ll just beat the hell out of him until he can’t take any more – and has to say “I quit.” In an attempt to make sure Mankind isn’t the WWF champion by the Royal Rumble, Vince books Mankind in a WWF title match tonight against – KANE. Mankind reminds Vince he’s the WWF champion – until he’s not. IF YA SMELLLLA-LA-LA-LA-LA WHAT THE SOCK IS COOKIN’. Rock looks rather unhappy about the title match announcement.

Backstage, we see Stone Cold Steve Austin entering the building.

  • The New Age Outlaws (w/Chyna) vs. Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett (w/Debra)

The winners get a shot at the WWF tag team titles. They remind us that Owen and Jarrett have already beaten the WWF tag team champs Big Boss Man and Ken Shamrock on the January 3 Sunday Night Heat in a non-title match. Gunn goes PRESS SLAM CRAZY to start. Tag to Road Dogg, he hits the Shaky Knee Drop and the Boss Man Straddle. Cole announces we’re going to see the debut of Gillberg. January 1999 seems to be the WORST MONTH EVER for poor Goldberg. Jarrett gives Road Dogg the armbreaker DDT and tags out to Owen. They make-a-wish on Road Dogg. Owen tries a Sharpshooter early, but Road Dogg kicks him away. Tag to Jarrett, both he and Road Dogg dropkick each other in the nuts. HOT TAG TO GUNN! He cleans house on Jarrett and lands a Rocker Dropper on Owen. Debra appears on the apron and shows Gunn the goods. Gunn tries to show interest, but instead gives a “Suck it” crotch chop instead. Tag to Road Dogg, Jarrett whispers something into Debra’s ear, and the next thing we know she’s over talking to CHYNA. WHAT. Gunn is out to get in between them and Road Dogg watches on from inside the ring. As Chyna reaches around Gunn and shoves Debra down, Owen somehow gets the pin on Road Dogg. (4:35) The replay shows Owen hitting a Spinning Heel Kick on Road Dogg before the pin. The New Age Outlaws and Chyna discuss what happened. *½

Backstage, we see several policeman flanking a locker room door with “GILLBERG” on it.

Tony Garea knocks on Gillberg’s door to let him know his cue. DUANE GILL comes out roaring and hitting himself. A “Gillberg” chant is played over the PA as the cops and Gillberg walk out slowly. Cole notes that although we hear a chant, no one is standing and no one’s mouth is moving. Gillberg comes out to the ring with SCORPIO, BOB HOLLY and THE BLUE MEANIE holding sparklers around his head as some weak pyro goes off. Gill does a pretty funny Goldberg impersonation – and then chokes on the smoke.

  • Gillberg vs. Luna

Gillberg doesn’t wanna know who’s next – Gillberg wants to know WHO’S FIRST? Cole calls this a warmup match before Luna faces Sable. Before the bell, Gillberg misses a spear and runs himself into the ringpost. Are they mocking Goldberg’s match with DDP here? Luna can’t get him up in a suplex. Gillberg tries a jackhammer only to collapse as Luna falls on top of him. Luna starts choking him, drops a leg on him, and splashes Gillberg from the top rope for the win. (1:04) The count begins – Gillberg is 0-1. A fan (or Tori) jumps in the ring and takes down Luna only to be carried out by security. Cole and Lawler both admit she’s the same girl who gave Sable flowers last week. If this is in response to WCW’s disrespect of the Mick Foley title win (which only proved to backfire against WCW and served to help the WWF), then it’s a well deserved parody of WCW’s biggest star. N/A

They take us back to last week on RAW when Shawn Michaels was BRUTALLY attacked by the Corporation and put out of wrestling. Last night on HeAT, they replay Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson beating up Shawn’s trainer and mentor Jose Lothario when Jose doesn’t accept Vince and Shane McMahon’s apology. Cole and Lawler announce that Shawn goes under the knife tomorrow.

When we come back, DENNIS KNIGHT talks to Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler over at the announce table. He’s rambling on like he’s Charles Manson about somebody being here. Out come the ACOLYTES and they stalk Knight back to the locker room. Tonight, we just *might* find out who “HE” is.

Out comes VAL VENIS to the ring. Val says we’re in the home of the Houston Rockets, and you can make your own conclusions about what comes next. Val then hits on a random fan in the front row. KEN SHAMROCK is out and attacks Venis from behind. A big beatdown ensues. The “random fan” turns out to be Shamrock’s sister. That’s right – we’ve just seen the debut of RYAN SHAMROCK, folks. If Val Venis was hitting on your sister, you wouldn’t have done the same thing? BILLY GUNN then comes out to the ring and MOONS Ken Shamrock’s sister – and everyone else in that direction. Of course, Shamrock rushes the ring to take care of that. BIG BOSS MAN joins him as Venis and Gunn take off when the numbers even up. Shamrock tells Gunn he can have an IC title shot at the Royal Rumble, but he’ll be lucky to escape with his life.

In the locker room, we see Mankind and Steve Austin talking – or are they arguing?

  • WWF European Championship: X-Pac (c) vs. Al Snow

Snow has apparently STILL not found Head after Goldust stole it last night on HeAT. He seems quite lost without him. X-Pac goes for the Bronco Buster early, but Snow sees it coming. Snow delivers the arm trap headbutts, but turns away to look for Head only to take a chop to the chest. He catches X-Pac with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and wrenches his neck on the mat. X-Pac comes back with a spinning heel kick and a jumping clothesline. Snow finds a powerslam for two. He looks for a moonsault, but he misses. Another spinning heel kick puts Snow down in the corner for the Bronco Buster. GOLDUST comes out and taunts Snow holding Head in his hand. When Snow reaches out to Head, Goldust whacks him with Head into an X-FACTOR as X-Pac picks up the win. (2:55) Snow goes out after Goldust and gets ANOTHER shot from Head. He even crawls towards Goldust wanting to get Head back, but Goldust shows him no mercy. WHAT’S GOING ON?

ENTER THE WAR ZONE! Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

  • WWF Championship: Mankind (c) vs. Kane

They brawl around ringside to start. Kane picks up half of the ring steps to hit Mankind, but his plan fails and Mankind bounces his head off the steps a few times. He even runs at Kane and gives him a drop toehold on the steps. WRESTLING~! Mankind drops the steps onto Kane’s back and heads back in the ring. Kane baits Mankind and snaps his neck on the top rope. Mankind slugs on Kane in the corner and charges him, but Kane catches Mankind charging with a spinebuster. Big boot puts down Mankind. Kane chokes him in the ropes, but then he telegraphs a backdrop and Mankind delivers a Pull-Up Piledriver for a nearfall. Back to the floor we go, Mankind wants another piledriver, but Kane picks him up over his back and drives Mankind backwards into the steps. OUCH. Back in, Kane covers for two. The Flying Clothesline connects for another two-count. Here comes the Chokeslam, but Mankind kicks Kane in the nuts and delivers a DOUBLE-ARM DDT. He pulls out Mr. Socko and it’s MANDIBLE CLAW time. Oh wait, Kane is wearing a mask, so that doesn’t really work. Kane stands up out of the corner and hoists Mankind up over his shoulders to give him a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER. He covers Mankind, but THE ROCK comes out and pulls Kane off the cover for the DQ. (6:05) To make it worse, Rock grabs a chair and whacks both Kane and Mankind. Man, those chairshots are brutal. *GLASS BREAKS* HERE COMES STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! There’s goes the roof. Rock dares him into the ring looking real confident with a chair. Next thing we know, Mankind pulls the chair away and Austin chases Rock away. Once Rock is up on the stage, Mankind offers Austin the chair. But hey, DTA – Austin doesn’t trust Mankind and instead drops him with a STONE COLD STUNNER. Why not one for Kane as well. **½

After the break, we see Vince McMahon arguing with the Rock over what he just did by costing the Corporation the WWF title. Why would somebody like Vince think a guy who refers to himself in the third person would be a *team player*? Rock doesn’t want the “big red retard” to be the WWF champion if he can’t be. He then promises to make that “son of a bitch” Mankind scream “I QUIT” at the Royal Rumble. We’ll see.

  • Triple H (w/Chyna) vs. Edge

It’s a back and forth fisticuffs battle to start. Edge stops a ten-count corner punch with the snake eyes. Spinning heel kick leads to some lots of choking from Edge. Flapjack to Triple H gets two. Edge misses a corner charge setting up Triple H’s comeback with the High Knee and the Facebuster gets two. Time for the Pedigree, but Edge counters with a catapult. He goes for a swinging neckbreaker off the ropes, but Triple H rolls with the momentum and delivers the PEDIGREE. (2:55) Fine JTTS match with a cool finish. GANGREL and CHRISTIAN jump Triple H at the bell. The lights go out and we hear that the rest of D-Generation X is out. When the lights come back up, Road Dogg is covered in blood. You’re the hardcore champ, don’t be so mad. *½

When we return, the RAW stage is set up with an Undertaker symbol made into a throne. Out comes the UNDERTAKER, PAUL BEARER, and the ACOLYTES standing over DENNIS KNIGHT laid out on a table. Oh yeah, and some druids to really complete the scene. Only lights in the building are on the stage – and they’re purple. While Taker sits on his throne and Paul Bearer strokes a dagger, we hear Taker explain what he has been up to since he was BURIED ALIVE back on December 13. Essentially, he headed down to hell and got his mojo back to now become the most evil guy on planet Earth. He declares a plague of darkness over our future. In fact, he’s now so evil, he’s decided to relocate hell to Earth. Once his promo ends, Taker goes over to Knight, says some evil gibberish, slits his wrist with the dagger, renames Knight and calls him Mideon, and makes him drink his blood. As if that’s not bad enough, Taker then CARVES his symbol into Mideon’s chest. Crowd is noticeably chanting “BULLSHIT”. A lightning bolt strikes a nearby Undertaker symbol and sets it on fire. Some dry ice smoke rises around Mideon and Cole thinks he’s now floating. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Ladies and gentlemen, we have made it to the Era of the Ministry of Darkness.

D’LO BROWN heads out to the ring with PMS. Oh boy, STRIKE TWO. D’Lo apologizes to Terri for causing her to have a dangerous miscarriage. He promised to do anything to make it up to her – do her laundry, drive her around (like Miss Daisy, I guess), even fight for her – so D’Lo wants to know what she wants him to do. Well, it looks like Terri wants to try and destroy D’Lo’s friendship with… Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry. It’s sexual, baby.

  • D’Lo Brown vs. Mark Henry

Neither guy wants to fight the other. To get things heated, JACQUELINE shoves D’Lo into Henry, who then shoves D’Lo back. As they start to argue, Terri gives Henry a LOW BLOW. (0:58) While Henry is down on the mat writhing in pain, CHYNA comes out with her friend SAMMY. Terri is nowhere to be seen. Chyna shoves down Jacqueline – and her titties pop out. D’Lo stands back while Chyna and Sammy help Henry to the back. N/A

Backstage, we see Chyna fetching Henry a drink while Sammy takes care of him. Oh, yeah, Sammy’s a man. Is “Sammy” actually Eddie Izzard?

We catch Shane McMahon helping Vince McMahon do some “Rocky IV” training out in the snow. GET THAT CHICKEN! Okay, this is fantastic.

  • Corporate Royal Rumble

The winner gets the #30 spot in the Royal Rumble. Our first two entrants are KEN SHAMROCK and BILLY GUNN. Shane McMahon comes out with Shamrock and joins the commentary table for the rest of the show. For some reason, the bell rings before Gunn is in the ring. Shamrock pescados himself over the top rope onto Gunn to eliminate himself. Nevertheless, Shamrock continues to administer a beating on Gunn. The clock counts down and out comes THE BIG BOSS MAN while Shamrock is forced to leave. Gunn hits a desperation flying forearm, but Boss Man goes right back to work. The Outlaws theme music plays, but TEST joins the Big Boss Man. SWERVE~! Test lands the Wotsilla Boot on Gunn. Boss Man and Test try to toss out Gunn, but here comes X-PAC for the save. Well, at least for a moment. Gunn and Test do the hiptoss dance across the ring ending with Test throwing Gunn over the top rope to the floor. He grabs X-Pac for the NASTY gutwrench powerbomb. However, X-PAC WILL NOT DIE. Here comes ROAD DOGG. He’s still got the “red” all over him. He pairs off with Test while Boss Man is abusing X-Pac. Uh oh, here comes KANE. The lights actually go out for his entrance. Kane goes after Road Dogg and takes him to a corner. X-Pac backdrops away a powerbomb from Boss Man while Kane clotheslines Road Dogg to the floor. Now it’s 3-on-X-Pac. TRIPLE H is next. He runs wild on Test. Kane grabs Triple H from behind and holds him for a clothesline from Test, but Triple H moves and Kane gets rocked. Kane is not a fan and GOOZLES Test as he throws Test over the top rope to the floor. Now X-Pac and Triple H double clothesline Kane over the top rope to the floor. Once Kane’s feet reach the floor, Boss Man runs over and eliminates X-Pac. Triple H and Boss Man trade shots in the middle of the ring. Triple H goes to the eyes and knocks down Boss Man for some crotch chops. He tries to toss out Boss Man. No countdown, but we hear the buzzer. Out walks a beefed up VINCE MCMAHON (wearing a black wife beater and jeans) with GERALD BRISCO and PAT PATTERSON. As Boss Man goes to eliminate Triple H, Vince CHARGES the ring (thankfully doesn’t tear both of his quads) and flips out both Boss Man and Triple H. He then rips off his shirt like a certain other wrestler we all know and love, brother. VINCE WINS THE CORPORATE RUMB- oh wait, the buzzer goes off again – and holy crap here comes CHYNA. Patterson and Brisco have no luck trying to keep her out of the ring. *GLASS BREAKS*. Here comes STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. While Austin baits Vince over towards the ropes, Chyna sneaks up behind Vince and throws him over the top rope. McMahon takes a NASTY flip on his way out and catches his neck on the bottom rope. (10:49) Austin walks off laughing as Patterson and Brisco stand over their fallen leader. Austin is #1, Vince is #2, and now Chyna is #30. An awesome double twist to end the show.

Until next time, so long for now.

THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION PRESENTS: ROYAL RUMBLE – No Chance in Hell
LIVE on January 24 from the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, California! ONLY ON PPV!
MAIN EVENT: The Royal Rumble
“I Quit” Match for the WWF Championship: Mankind (c) vs. The Rock
WWF Women’s Championship: Sable (c) vs. Luna

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