Raw (03.15.10)

March 15, 2010
San Diego, CA
Sports Arena

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler.

Guest host: STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN. Its WrestleMania Rewind night too!

And speaking of Stone Cold, the glass shatters and here he comes. No Austin 3:16 shirt? Just a plain black t-shirt? Alright. Steve is all smiles tonight thanks to the overwhelming crowd reaction. Just being back in the ring makes him want to open up a can, folks. Speaking of cans, Austin asks for a couple beers from the guy who always throws the beers from ringside. Austin puts over the importance of WrestleMania and mentions his career-defining match with Bret Hart at WrestleMania 13. He’s looking forward to the Bret-Vince match at WrestleMania and tonight, he’s here to make sure Vince doesn’t screw Bret during this contract signing because – hold on a sec, Steve’s thirsty. HE LOVES BEING THIRSTY! Anyways, it makes no difference to Austin if he has to break his foot off in Vince’s *bleep* and give him a Stunner. Business will be taken care of tonight in this very ring and that’s the bottom line because Stone Cold said so. HIT THAT JOHN CENA MUSIC! Cena makes his entrance while Austin is still in the ring. Looks like Austin wants to drop him with a Stunner, but nah he’s just playing. YOU CAN’T SEE STEVE!

  • John Cena vs. The Big Show – WrestleMania 20 Rematch

Back when Cena was only hoping to be the US champion. As Big Show makes his entrance, Austin is still in the aisle. Show gives him this “what do you want” look and Austin mimics the chokeslam. Hilarious. Michael Cole recalls the time Big Show debuted in the WWF and threw Austin through a steel cage to unintentionally help Austin beat McMahon at St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. Good job, Michael. Cena attempts to slug it out to start, which is a bad idea. Reverse powerbomb by the Big Show! Commercials! We return to see Cena slipping out of the camel clutch. He wants the STF, but Show kicks him out to the floor. Cena hotshots to come back and goes for a slam, but it’s another bad idea by Cena as Show falls on top for 1-2-NO! Show misses the pump splash and takes the Flying Famouser from Cena. As Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, Batista’s music hits and the WWE champ walks out to mess with Cena. He turns away from the Big Show to stare at Batista and turns around into a CHOKESLAM for the 1-2-NO! Batista appears surprised. Cena avoids the KNOCKOUT PUNCH and goes for the ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT. Not this time, bro. Show gets off Cena’s shoulders and hits the KNOCKOUT PUNCH for real and gets the 1-2-3. (4:34 shown) Batista glares at Cena and slides into the ring to talk some smack to the guy when he’s down. Talk about a confidence killer! *

Trivia question: John Cena has only beaten one person by pinfall or submission in the first eleven weeks of 2010 on Monday Night Raw. Can anybody tell me who it is?

  • Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne

Sheamus cheapshots Bourne with the microphone before the bell sounds. Really dude?! Bicycle Kick followed by the CRUCIFIX BOMB ends Bourne and there’s never even a real match.

Sheamus goes on a tirade talking about how selfish HHH is. The man used sledgehammers on his so-called best friends to get to the top of WWE. Triple H has beaten the best and won countless world titles, but in one year Sheamus has ended careers, dominated Raw, and became the WWE champion. Sheamus thinks WrestleMania will be a turning point in HHH’s career because he’s going to get beaten so badly, that he will never be the same again. At WrestleMania, Sheamus declares that he will ascend the throne of the King of Kings.

Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels meets up with Stone Cold Steve Austin in his office. Shawn wants to know if he thinks Shawn can beat the Undertaker. He thinks he can, but he doesn’t think he will. Shawn reminds Austin of WrestleMania 14 when everybody thought his career was over after losing the WWE title to him, but he proved everyone wrong. This year, he’s going to prove everybody wrong once again. Shawn says that he’s going to make Chris Jericho believe tonight that he can beat the Undertaker as well. Enter Chris Jericho, looking all naked like he’s just wearing the World title over his twig and berries. Jericho thanks Austin for a chance to embarrass Michaels before the Undertaker retires him for good. Shawn says that Undertaker sent him a message by destroying four guys, but now he’s going to send UT a message by making sure that he destroys Jericho. OOHHHHH SNAP. Because of Shawn’s craziness, now Jericho tries to get Austin to cancel the match and go have some Steveweisers like they did back in the day. They start to laugh, but Austin stops laughing before Jericho and it gets a little uncomfortable for Chris. Austin tells Jericho to get out of his office and go compete. I feel like that should have been funnier.

  • WWE Divas Champion Maryse vs. Kelly Kelly

Before the match, they shill the new PPV Over the Limit set for May 23 in Detroit. Tickets go on sale this Saturday March 20 at 10am. Kelly Kelly starts rubbing herself, so Maryse stops *that* with a pounding from behind. Catfight ensues, but then Kelly does a kick flip and dropkicks Maryse down. Rocker Dropper gets two. Enough of this. Maryse yanks Kelly into the corner and hits the FRENCH KISS for the 1-2-3. (1:22) Apparently Maryse takes offense to KK trying to actually beat her and throws her into the barricade. Gail Kim and Eve run down for the save. In comes the WWE Women’s Champ Michelle McCool and Layla to end Gail Kim and Eve. Are we seeing some sort of alliance? Possibly the WWE’s version of the Beautiful People? As McCool and Layla head up the entrance ramp, the Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero stands at the top applauding her girls. Maryse joins the group as they turn around to show “Simply Flawless” and “Excuse Me” on their backs. You can figure out who’s who. ½*

**I turned over to iMPACT! right after this segment and saw the Beautiful People coming out thinking, “Didn’t I just see these girls on Raw?” Har har har.**

They air the Undertaker-HBK hype video set to Johnny Cash with various superstars talking up the rematch. Best video package of the year?

  • World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels – WrestleMania 19 Rematch

What a different world for these two since WrestleMania 19. Shawn starts off chopping, but then misses a corner charge and runs shoulder-first into the ringpost. He comes back with a Lou Thesz press, but takes a backdrop to the floor. Back in, Jericho catapults Shawn into the bottom rope and grabs a neck vice. The beatdown continues as Jericho tries to screw up Shawn’s eye that isn’t completely crooked. Shawn fights back and hits the Flying Forearm followed by the kip-up. Atomic drops and chops ensue! Jericho blocks a backdrop and goes for the WALLS OF JERICHO, but Shawn counters into a small package for two. Faceslam by Jericho sets up the Lionsault, but that hits knees. Shawn hits the Flying Elbow Drop and tunes up the band, but Jericho exits the ring and takes the countout over getting pinned. (6:23) Just as Jericho thinks he will live to fight another day, Edge’s music hits and the man beats Jericho back into the ring for the SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR! Huge pop for Edge here. **

We flashback to last week where Legacy defeated Randy Orton in a handicap match and then took liberties with him afterwards. Therefore at WrestleMania 26, it will be Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes. No surprise there.

In the back, Josh Matthews gets a word from Randy Orton. He says his match with Triple H keeps him focused for his WrestleMania match. He says he takes Triple H seriously. However, he doesn’t take Legacy seriously at all. They think they are on my level, they need to GET ON MY LEVEL.

  • Randy Orton vs. Triple H – WrestleMania 25 Rematch

To anybody who thought HHH-Orton should have followed HBK-Taker, I don’t understand you. They exchange blows with Triple H winning that battle. Suplex sets up the Jumping Knee Drop from the corner for two. Orton sends out HHH to the floor Harley Race-style. He tries the DDT through the ropes, but Triple H avoids that and backdrops Orton out. On the floor, Orton reverses a whip into the steps and gives him the DDT off the steps. Well that’s using your head. Commercial time! When we come back, Orton hits the over-the-back neckbreaker. RKO? Nope. HHH shoves him off and drops him with a clothesline. Another slugfest which HHH wins and hits the High Knee. Facebuster connects, but Orton shuts him down with a powerslam for two. Orton runs into a SPIIIINEBUSTER for 1-2-NO! Could it be time for the PEDIGREE? No, sorry. Orton backdrops out. Double-KO ensues! Orton rolls to the apron and hotshots HHH, but he gets kicked in the face through the ropes and eats the PEDIGREE. Awesome. Cover, 1-2-NO! Legacy breaks up the pin for the DQ. (6:50 shown) They kick Triple H out of the ring so they can do a number on Orton just like last week. Nobody messes with the Game, so HHH tries to beat them away until Sheamus runs in out of literally NOWHERE and blasts HHH with a Bicycle Kick. Step aside Tim Horner, Sheamus is the *NEW* White Lightning. Legacy takes Orton to the floor while Sheamus puts his foot on a prone HHH. As for the match, I enjoyed the familiarity of being able to prevent the others moves until HHH pulls his Pedigree out of nowhere. **

The late great Gorgeous George (who paved the way for “sports entertainment”) will get his posthumous induction into the WWE Hall of Fame this year alongside Ted DiBiase, Mad Dog Vachon, Antonio Inoki, Wendi Richter, and probably Stu Hart once it’s all said and done. I’m surprised Gorgeous George wasn’t inducted back in the mid ’90s. Anyways, he will be inducted into the HOF by his 95 year-old looking wife.

  • WWE Champion Batista vs. Kofi Kingston

This is non-title in case you had any doubts. Batista gets rough with Kingston to start. He comes back with chops while Lawler reflects back when Austin used to be on Raw, he got to say “PUPPIES” all the time. Batista rolls away from the double legdrop and even the baseball slide as Batista abuses Kingston on the floor. Back in, Kofi avoids a corner charge and slides out to the apron only to kick Batista in the face. Whoops that busted him open. NOBODY MAKES DAVE BLEED HIS OWN BLOOD. Moments later, the BATISTA BOMB destroys Kingston for the 1-2-3. (2:53) Batista sure is crazy. ½*

Next week, Pete Rose will be *your* special guest host. Twenty bucks says Kane shows up. The main event is scheduled to be Randy Orton and Triple H taking on Sheamus, Ted DiBiase, and Cody Rhodes in a 3-on-2 handicap match.

It’s CONTRACT SIGNING TIME! Bret limps out with his broken foot and does his best to scramble into the ring. Vince makes sure to make fun. Stone Cold makes sure nothing funny happens. The bleeping is terribly off tonight. Austin announces that Stu Hart will indeed be in the WWE Hall of Fame this year. Well, there ya go. Does Vince have a problem with it? He says he doesn’t have a problem with it, but it means that Bret’s entire dysfunctional family will be in attendance. Anyways, Vince tells Bret that if he signs this match contract and doesn’t show, he will sue Bret for everything he’s got. Bret says he wants the match to be No Holds Barred. While Vince has enjoyed screwing Bret over the last few months, he says that once again Bret has screwed Bret. Oh well. Bret signs the contract with no hesitation. Vince on the other hand takes a minute to think it over, but eventually signs the contract. So now it’s official: Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon No Holds Barred at WrestleMania 26. Stone Cold is looking to see Vince get his butt whooped. Austin starts to leave and then stops at the top of the ramp to tell Vince something, but then decides to let Bret tell him instead. As Vince turns back around to Bret, the leg cast is off. Bret tosses away the crutch and thanks John Cena for knowing somebody in the stunt business to make the accident seem as real as possible. What Vince needs to know now is that Bret Hart is at 100%. Bret says that if Vince tries to break the agreement, he’ll sue Vince for everything HE’S got. For thirteen years, Vince has said that Bret screwed Bret, but now Vince has screwed Vince. Before Bret considers tossing the cast into the crowd, he turns around and wallops Vince with it to send him flying over the table.

Let’s run down the card for WrestleMania 26 set for March 28 in Phoenix AZ.

WWE Champion: Batista© vs. John Cena
World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Jericho© vs. Edge
Career vs. Streak – No-DQ Match: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels
No Holds Barred: Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon
Triple H vs. Sheamus
Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
Unified Tag Team Champions: The Miz & Big Show© vs. John Morrison & R-Truth
Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Jack Swagger vs. MVP vs. Matt Hardy vs. Evan Bourne vs. Drew McIntyre

Posted on May 12, 2011, in WWE and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: