WWE: Monday Night Raw (05.09.94)

mondaynightraw

Monday Night Raw
May 9, 1994
Burlington, VT
Green Mountain State

The current WWF champs were as follows:
World Champion: Bret Hart (3/20/1994)
Intercontinental Champion: Diesel (4/30/1994)
World Tag Team Champions: The Headshrinkers (5/2/1994)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Randy Savage.

  • Razor Ramon vs. Kwang (w/Harvey Wippleman) – KOTR Qualifying Match

This is the first match back since Razor lost the IC strap to Diesel. They trade some hammerlocks to start. Kwang elbows Razor to escape, but gets a receipt with a right hand. Kwang now goes KA-RA-TE all over Ramon. Razor returns fire with chops of his own and clotheslines Kwang to the floor. Kwang keeps jumping back up on that apron to snap Razor’s neck on the top rope. Now with the advantage, Kwang follows up with a hook kick and gets SO excited, he shoots out the GREEN MIST~! After he does some heel stuff, Razor avoids a corner charge from Kwang. Razor works the shoulder and then applies an armbar. This continues on for a while until Kwang breaks loose and nails Ramon with a SPINNING HEEL KICK. Kwang grabs a neck vice. Vince notices that Razor’s lip has been cut and promises the camera will go wide if it gets too gruesome because he knows children are watching. Sometimes this company just amazes me. It’s like they didn’t want to do the Attitude Era, but the wrestling audience FORCED them to. Kwang switches over to a nerve hold, which is *much* more exciting than a neck vice. Vince also mentions that Razor had his nose broken during his title match with Diesel as Kwang knees him in the face. Kwang covers and gets two. Razor then telegraphs a backdrop to allow Kwang to faceplant him as we go to commercial. You dummy! When we come back, Razor is mounting his comeback. He ducks the Spinning Heel Kick and hits a Chokeslam for two. He lands a series of signature right jabs and sets up Kwang for the Back Superplex. Kwang elbows him in the face and knocks Razor back. He then launches himself back onto Razor, but Razor rolls through for 1-2-NO! Kwang nails Razor with a superkick, but then *he* telegraphs a backdrop. Razor stuns him with a knee lift and tries the Razor’s Edge, but can’t hold him up for some reason. They try that again and this time the RAZOR’S EDGE ends Kwang. (9:44 shown) Well, what do you know. Razor is in the 1994 KOTR! Just an average match. *½

On the 24/7 versions of RAW, they like to cut out the PPV control center-type segments. However, they left in the part where Roddy Piper is being interviewed on the set of one of his S-T-V releases where he talks about kings aren’t real and only a terrible person would say that a bunch of sick kids at a children’s hospital are brats. One more time, Jerry Lawler. Roddy Piper is going to come fight. The winnings go to the children’s hospital in Toronto. Say what you will about the angle, but if Roddy wasn’t one of the best ever on the mic before, those acting classes sure seem to be paying off.

  • Crush (w/Mr. Fuji) vs. Ray Roy

Now that WrestleMania is over, I assume Randy Savage and Crush can be in the same building together. Roy tries a quick rollup on Crush. Big mistake, pal. The HEART PUNCH ends Roy in 3:56.

Duke “The Dumpster” Droese hype video. He actually thinks he’s going to climb to the top of the WWF. HA. Don’t touch that dial, folks. He’ll be here in a few weeks!

Let Us Take You Back: Superstars, 5/7/94. So much big stuff has happened on that elevated stage, and now *this*. Dink gets pie-faced and silly-stringed by a Doink who turns out to just be Jeff Jarrett. Oh, that guy is going to pay BIG TIME. But I mean let’s face it, what is the worst this Doink can do? He’s just going to get Jeff Jarrett with nothing more than whoopie cushions or water-spraying flower lapels, because this version of Doink sucks BIG TIME.

  • Doink the Clown (w/Dink) vs. Mike Terrace

The one thing I do like about this match is that Mike Terrace sells so well. He’s a lanky Kendall Windham-looking guy, but takes bumps like Kanyon. For some unfair reason that should get Doink disqualified, Dink gets in the ring and pokes Terrace in the eyes as Doink gives Terrace the old school boy treatment. Jeff Jarrett joins us via telephone to point out the insanity of Doink being billed as a technical wrestler over someone like him. There’s some more Dink interference. WHOOPIE CUSHION (complete with sound effects!) puts Terrace out of his misery at 2:28.

Time for the King’s Court with Jerry Lawler. He badmouths Roddy Piper before bringing out his special guests Yokozuna, Jim Cornette, and Mr. Fuji. Being the mouthpiece, Cornette explains that despite Earthquake being an undefeated sumo star back in the Dumont days, Yokozuna earned his name by being the grand champion of sumo wrestling, which is kind of like Buster Posey changing his name to National League Most Valuable Player. Cornette has decided to challenge Earthquake to a sumo match for next week. Let’s take down the ropes and the first man knocked out of the ring will be the winner. WHADDAYA THINK, QUAKE?

Another Undertaker sighting. Some trench digger saw Undertaker sleeping in a trench. Funny how all these people seeing Taker are just a bunch of shmucks around New Yawk. Wouldn’t the Undertaker be found closer to his home at Death Valley?

  • Mabel (w/Oscar) vs. Mike Bell

Randy is digging Oscar here. Kind of funny in retrospect when you consider Savage put out a rap album. Mike Bell has a Rhyno as a young jobber look to him. Randy says it’s official that Earthquake accepts the WWF-style sumo match challenge. So many dudes on this show. ANGRY MABEL SLAM gets the win at 2:27 for the shortest match of the night.

Backstage, Jerry Lawler meets with Earthquake to make sure he has accepted the challenge. He really just wants to screw with him though. Quake promises to kick Yoko’s butt next week.

Next Week on Raw: Yokozuna meets Earthquake in a sumo match! Plus, Bam Bam Bigelow takes on Sparky Plugg to see who advances into the King of the Ring tournament.

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Posted on July 30, 2013, in WWE and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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