WWE: Backlash
April 30, 2006
Lexington, KY
Rupp Arena

The current WWE champions are as follows:
WWE Champion: John Cena (1/29/2006)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Shelton Benjamin (2/20/2006)
World Tag Team Champions: The Spirit Squad (4/3/2006)
WWE Women’s Champion: Mickie James (4/2/2006)

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

• Carlito vs. Chris Masters
  

These two split for good on the RAW after WrestleMania 22 and now we get their breakup match. I forgot how much I liked Carlito. They go nose to nose yelling at each other and Masters gets slapped. That just serves to fire up Masters as he beats on Carlito and chokes him with his shirt. Carlito goes low with a dropkick to the knees, but Masters fights right back with a backdrop. Carlito slips out of a press slam and tries a full nelson on Masters for laughs. He baits Masters out to the floor and pescados him. Back inside, Masters comes back with a buckle bomb turning the tide of this match. He starts crimping the neck setting up the MASTER LOCK, but Carlito sees it coming and counters with a victory roll for two. There’s a springboard back elbow by Carlito. He throws his apple in the air to distract Masters for another dropkick to the knee. He dropkicks Masters in the face next time and goes for the cover. Masters forgets to kick out at two. Whoops. BOTCHAMANIA~! Carlito elbows away a back superplex and lands a moonsault press for two. Masters tries the MASTER LOCK again, but Carlito runs him off into the corner to escape the hold. There’s the BACKCRACKER to Masters and Carlito uses the ropes to pick up the three-count. (9:59) Basic psychology as Masters gameplan was sound working the neck to set up the Master Lock, but it just wasn’t enough to avoid that backcracker. The problem with Masters at this point is that there’s not much of a reason to fear him since the Master Lock has already been broken on TV. His claim to fame is now meaningless. There’s nowhere for him to go now but down. **¼

Backstage, Maria realizes how disappointed we were that Chris Masters just beat Carlito (can’t tell if she’s still dumb or the finish was changed), but then she sets up the clip of various Lexingtonians telling us who they think will win bring home the WWE title tonight.

After the clip, Maria points out that she didn’t think there were very many Edge fans in attendance. That’s when Lita immediately appears and mentions how neither her nor Edge care about what the Roscoe P. Cotranes of Lexington KY think. She mentions that she has kept her mouth closed about being called a “ho”, but then Maria makes a blowjob joke. Good grief, 2006? Calm down. When Edge wins the WWE title tonight, there won’t be a live sex celebration this time but there will be a *private* sex celebration. I mean, is that really that interesting? People *do* have sex. And UGLY, DENSE, much less successful people at that. Unlike the people of Lexington, Lita says she actually gets some.

• Ric Flair vs. Umaga (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada)
  

Here is another guy I miss: Armando Alejandro Estrada. At least I liked him in small doses. This is PPV debut of Umaga. He debuted the RAW after WrestleMania 22 and beat up Ric Flair. Flair does what Flair does. He uses his chops and lows blows and chops and low blows. In this one though, he also used his brain trying to bait Umaga into making mistakes like avoiding the buttalanche and avoiding an avalanche up against the ringpost and steps, which I liked. Of course it’s only a matter of time before Umaga hits him with something. Umaga kicks away the FIGURE-FOUR and puts Flair in the tree of woe for a running diving headbutt. The buttalanche sets up the Flying Headbutt before Umaga puts Flair down with the ASIATIC SPIKE~! for the three-count. (3:29) Ross puts over how quickly Umaga decisively beat Flair here in no time. Umaga will move on to much younger things very soon. *

Backstage, Shane McMahon comes to see if his daddy Vince McMahon is ready for their match tonight against Shawn Michaels. He’s flexing his biceps and getting real pumped up. Ya know, what I would imagine he does on a typical evening right about now. Vinnie Mac reminds him that this isn’t a handicap match. Shane is just standing there drinking his bottled water staring at Vince like he’s a complete loon. Who can blame him. Vince says that there’s nothing God can do that he can’t do. Vince takes Shane’s water and pours it on the floor. He walks on the puddle and asks Shane what he just did. Shane looks at him and bold faces tells him he just made a mess. NO, Vince just walked on water, you fool! He then throws loaves of Italian bread and fish to the side and gets a bunch more bread and fish thrown back at him. When Vince makes a bad pun and walks off, Shane picks his water bottle back up and realizes he’s now drinking wine. WHOAAAAAA. Ugh. Not that they would be caught dead booking a PPV in say Alabama or Mississippi, but it’s a good thing this PPV wasn’t booked in the deep south. Riots, I tells ya. RIOTS.

• WWE Women’s Championship: Mickie James (c) vs. Trish Stratus
  

Over the past few weeks on RAW, these two had been dressing up like the other. Real weird, wild stuff. Unfortunately, all that gets scraped and they look like regular Mickie James and regular Trish Stratus. They also seem to be lowering the craziness level of Mickie James from here on out. At one point, Ross refers to Mickie James as being part of the “lunatic fringe”. Anyways, Trish looks awesome and fired up here as she does the matrix move to avoid a running clothesline and headscissors Mickie over. Looked real good. When she misses the Chick Kick, she settles on bicycle kicking Mickie in the eye to send her out to the floor. Trish comes off the apron and pounces on Mickie with a Lou Thesz press for more punishment. Back inside, Trish starts to ten count corner punch Mickie only to be dumped over the top rope to the floor. On the way down, she hyperextends her elbow real bad and we have to go home here. Mickie starts choking Trish with some piece of her wardrobe and doesn’t break at the five count for the DQ. (4:05) Bad news for Trish. She’ll be off with the elbow injury until the end of June setting up her retirement tour for when she retires in September. This was good up until the injury. I wonder how the rest of the match would have gone down. **

Backstage, Maria asks Shawn Michaels if his tag team partner “God” is going to show up tonight. Shawn doesn’t want to shove his believes down everyone’s throats, but he knows God is always with him. God expects him to go out to the ring and use the gifts he was given to the best of his ability. Shawn gets real telling Vince that this is a handicap match because Vince couldn’t hang with HBK back at WrestleMania. And just like at WrestleMania, the McMahons will be brought down to their knees. When it’s over, Shawn might have Vince McMahon calling out to God, but then again maybe not. Out of nowhere, Shawn tells Vince that he and Lexington got two words for him: SUCK IT. Where did *that* come from?

• WWE IC Championship vs. Money in the Bank: Shelton Benjamin (c) vs. Rob Van Dam (c)
  

Ross and Lawler mention Shelton’s “mamma” leaving WWE to have heart surgery. This might be the last time her presence is ever mentioned on WWE TV. Anywho, they have some feeling out time while the crowd chants “ECW” and “RVD”. After a few minutes of that, RVD tries Rolling Thunder only for Shelton to bail out to the floor, so Van Dam wipes him out with a pescado. Back inside, RVD gets caught on the apron allowing Shelton to sunset flip powerbomb him to the floor. OUCH. That gets two. Benjamin gives RVD the Bossman straddle and buries a knee into RVD’s spine as he pulls back on the chin. Shelton delivers a Mr. Wrestling II knee lift and a backbreaker before going back to the chinlock. RVD fights out and attempts Rolling Thunder again, but Shelton pops up and catches him in mid-air for a Samoan drop. Awesome. Over in the corner, Shelton gets shoved off trying a superplex only for Shelton to get back up and running vertical leaps onto the top rope to superplex RVD down. The dude is amazing. RVD escapes a chinlock and body scissors hold. He blocks a turnbuckle smash and kicks Shelton back. Clotheslines and kicks allow RVD to finally land the Rolling Thunder for two. Split-legged moonsault scores a two-count as well. Benjamin lands on his feet to avoid the monkey flip, but eats the Stepover Heel Kick. Time for the FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH, but there’s no water in the pool. DDT by Benjamin gets two as Van Dam gets his foot on the bottom rope. The MITB briefcase gets involved for a moment. When Benjamin can’t nail RVD with it, he settles for a flying body press only for RVD to roll through for 1-2-NO! Van Dam ducks the dragon whip kick and ranas Benjamin over. Now Benjamin grabs the MITB briefcase, but eats a Van Daminator. FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! Cover, 1-2-3. (18:42) Ladies and gents, we have a *new* IC champ. Not just that, but he’s also the holder of the MITB briefcase. Is there anybody more rewarded in six months than Rob Van Dam? Hard to believe he threw it all away getting caught with dope hanging with Sabu. ***½

Backstage, Todd Grisham speaks with the Big Show on Kane. Show doesn’t know what Kane’s problem is with May 19. Nevertheless, Kane crossed the line and tonight it will be an eye for an eye. Whoa!

• The Big Show vs. Kane
  

Don’t say “MAY 19” or else! This is going to be a HOSS match. They try to work over one another’s arms so one can’t chokeslam the other. It doesn’t seem to matter to Show though as he fallaway slams Kane and buttalanches him. The CHOKESLAM gets countered to a DDT for two. Show fires back with a big boot and a legdrop for two as well. Show wants to fish hook Kane’s eye and can’t make it happen. When they go to the floor, that’s when the red light takes over the arena and KANE IS HEARING THE VOICES. Oh my. This continues until Show puts Kane out of his misery with a chairshot to the skull. Umm, no contest? (9:30ish) Kane sits up and evil laughs. Welcome to 2006, folks. ½*

Backstage, Vince McMahon is going through something in his head when a sickly Candice Michelle comes into his office smelling fish. Good grief, 2006. You really need to get laid. Since she seems to think Vince is actually God, she wants him to heal her of this chest cold. HEAL THIS WOMAN’S VOLUPTUOUS BREASTS! Candice starts falling on the couch with Vince’s hands on her body when Shane McMahon comes in at just the wrong time. Riiiight.

• No Holds Barred: Shawn Michaels & “God” vs. Vince & Shane McMahon
  

“God” is introduced by a ray of light from the ceiling. Vince stops “God” half way down the entrance ramp and tells him to do his entrance the WWE way. Vince ~ “C’mon God, Get jiggy with it!” They change “God’s” entrance music to something with a little more pep to it. Once “God” gets in the ring, Vince tells the ref to go check Him out. Of course, the ref is confused/insulted by his insanity. Cue HBK’s music! If I was Shawn, I wouldn’t have done my normal entrance like he did. I would’ve been a little more pissed than usual and ran down to the ring and beat the crap out of these two buffoons. Vince ~ “Before this night is over, you [HBK] and God are going straight to hell!”

HBK beats down Vince in the corner. Because it’s no-DQ, he takes out Shane as well. Shawn brawls with both McMahons all the way to the side of the staging area. Shawn runs at Vince and gives him a crossbody block that sends them both off the stage and onto some production equipment! Once Shawn is up from that, Shane is there to nail him in the face with a chair. Michaels has been busted open from that. Shane beats on Shawn all the way back down to ringside while Vince recuperates from the fall. Shane misses a top-rope elbow drop, but comes back with a hurricane DDT. Vince is back, but why he’s standing on the apron waiting for a tag, I don’t know. Vince tags in and starts whipping on Shawn with his belt. Shane tosses a trash can in the ring which Vince uses to his benefit. Vince grabs a mic and trash talks God some more. Vince acts as though God is walking out on Shawn by saying he’s leaving up the rampway. Vince ~ “Ladies and gentlemen, God has left the building.” JR ~ “This is uncomfortable.” Vince tells Shawn that he’s going to knock his teeth down his throat, but Shawn blocks the kick. Right hands for Vince, followed by a flying forearm and a kip-up. Shane swings with a chair, but Shawn ducks and nails his daddy by accident. Shawn hits his usual stuff on Shane as he sets up for SWEET CHIN MUSIC. It connects, as well as a superkick for Vince. Instead of wisely covering somebody and ending this mess, Shawn sets up two tables side-by-side in the ring. He lays a McMahon on each table and puts the twenty-foot ladder into the ring. He climbs to the top of it, but this brings out the SPIRIT SQUAD! Shawn changes his plans for the McMahons and dives out onto the SS. He takes them all out, but gets overtaken by them once he stands back up. They put Shawn back in the ring and deliver HIGH SPIRITS to him through the table! Vince limps over and covers Shawn for the three-count. (20:00) This was no better than any other match from this feud. It had a few cool spots, but nothing to set the world on fire. This whole feud should’ve ended at WrestleMania. I mean, isn’t that kind of the point of WrestleMania? **

Todd Grisham interviews the WWE champ John Cena. Cena says he doesn’t care about the haters. All he cares about is being announced as the champ at the end of the night.

Evidently we’ve got some time to kill before the main event because Matt Striker is in the ring with his chalkboard. He gets some cheap heat on Kentucky. Eugene comes out and writes “loves poop” underneath Striker’s name on his chalkboard. They chose a chalkboard over a whiteboard? In 2006? Wow. Anyways, Eugene picks his nose and makes Striker eat what he found up in there. STUNNER! We’re done here.

• WWE Championship: John Cena (c) vs. Triple H vs. Edge (w/Lita)
  

Being the strategist he is (albeit short-sighted), Edge lets Triple H square off against Cena to start to revamp their rivalry while he waits on the floor. Edge does break up nearfalls though and then leaves them to freely go back to what they were doing. Here comes the short-sighted part: once he’s broken up pinfalls for both Cena and Triple H, they decide to double-team Edge and bounce his face off the announce table like sixteen or seventeen times. Once they feel satisfied at the announce table, their relationship ends. Of course, HHH is the one to end it with a shot to the back. Edge yanks HHH into the corner and tries to suplex him from the apron, but Cena pulls HHH off the apron thus snapping Edge’s neck on the top rope. Cena hits Edge with a flying splash for two. Protobomb connects, but no Five Knuckle Shuffle as Lita pulls the top rope down. The H man sends Cena into the steps and goes back in the ring to face Edge. The Facebuster and the AA Spinebuster gets two. There’s the Edge O Matic, but then they trade sleeperholds. Cena shoots back in the ring to try and FU them both, but Edge slips off his shoulders and spears Cena and Triple H down. Now Edge and HHH fight to the floor where Edge catapults HHH into the ringpost to bust him from ear to ear. To make matters worse for HHH, Edge gives him the EDGECUTION on the Spanish announce table that won’t break. His blood is smeared all over the place. AWESOME. Back inside, Edge tries to put away Cena, but finds himself stuck in the STFU. Right before he taps, HHH stops his arm from hitting the canvas and bops Cena in the face with a microphone. To take care of Edge, HHH blasts him with a chairshot to send him over the barricade. In the ring though, an extremely bloody Triple H walks right into an STFU. His arm drops once, twice, but NOT THREE TIMES. He grabs the bottom rope for the break in a match where there are no disqualifications. FU to Pedigree and back to STFU. Edge climbs up to the top rope and Cena goes to SUPER FU him. Whoops, the ref gets knocked down in a match where there are no disqualifications. HHH pops up and brings them both down for a TOWER OF DOOM spot. As Edge falls out of the ring taking the worst of the move, Lita runs in the ring ready to whack HHH with a chair and receives a AA Spinebuster as well. HHH picks up the chair, but feels this match calls for a sledgehammer. Before he can use it, Edge SPEARS him down. Edge tries to nail Cena with the sledgehammer, but gets hoisted up for the FU. Triple H comes over and low blows Cena backing him up into the ropes and dumping Edge to the floor. Time for the PEDIGREE, but Cena counters and jackknife pins HHH to retain the WWE championship. (17:35) I love the lengths that Edge and Triple H were willing to go to get that WWE championship. All Cena had to really do was just play defense here. He went for the STFU finish whenever he could because he had to win the match, but he didn’t have to do anything extreme, nothing major involving the announce table, and didn’t use any weapons to beat anybody. Just Great stuff. A heck of a match here. ****

After the bell, Triple H goes on a rampage knocking everybody out (including the ref) with the sledgehammer. He does the Triple H pose and crotch chops a few times letting everybody know DX is coming back soon.

BOW DOWN TO THE KING.

Final Thoughts: A couple good matches including that great main event, but there’s a ton of crap on this show. I also don’t care for a squash match on a PPV especially when it’s Umaga and Ric Flair. Mickie James and Trish Stratus would have been a good one too, but it was cut short for reasons that are beyond everyone’s control. The Big Show and Kane stuff was just as horrid as I remember. Even though I know it’s a joke or a way to get heat, the whole “God” thing was pretty terrible even for Vince McMahon. I had forgotten how many sex and poop jokes were used in 2006 WWE television. Maybe I didn’t notice it as much at the time because I was living it, but good grief it was like a 12 year old was writing the scripts. But yeah, check out Benjamin versus RVD and the triple threat main event. They are worth a look on the WWE Network. Slight thumbs in the middle for Backlash 2006.