Lucha Underground
May 18, 2016
Los Angeles, CA
The Temple

The current Lucha Underground champs are as follows:
Lucha Underground Champion: Matanza (3/23/16)
Lucha Underground Gift of the Gods Champion: Vacant (3/16/16)
Lucha Underground Trios Champions: Prince Puma, Rey Mysterio Jr. & El Dragon Azteca Jr (4/27/16)

PDR NOTE: I apologize for the delays on this week’s Lucha Underground and Smackdown recaps. I HAVEN’T BEEN HOME.

In case you missed last week, here are some highlights:

NOW ONTO THIS WEEK:

HIPSTER BAND OF THE WEEK: El Conjunto Nueva Ola. Bang Data must have taken up asylum in Russia or something. Honestly, they could be the same band and just changed their name and I would never know it.

In Dario Cueto’s office, Cage comes yelling at Dario about Chavo Guerrero stealing his Aztec medallion. That doesn’t sound like Dario’s problem, but Chavo will be in the match if he turns in the medallion to be placed onto the Gift of the Gods championship. Cage is FURIOUS and says Chavo will have to go through him to make that happen. Suddenly, Dario has an idea and they leave the office together.

Your hosts are Matt Striker and Vampiro.

In the ring, Dario Cueto reminds everybody what the Gift of the Gods championship is all about. He tells everybody who holds an Aztec medallion to come out to the ring so they can place the medallion onto the championship belt. Texano, Joey Ryan, El Siniestro de la Muerte, Aerostar, The Mack, Sexy Star, and now Chavo Guerrero. He’s brought with him a pouch for his medallion and a chair. Cage beats him down into the corner and picks up the pouch, but there’s just a giant washer inside! Guerrero beats him down with a chair and places the real medallion on the belt. As he turns around though, he eats a discus lariat. Too bad for Cage, Dario Cueto puts Chavo Guerrero in the match nevertheless. All Dario can say is “sorry man”. HE’S NOT A MAN, HE’S A MACHINE! WEAPON X to Chavo!

• Argenis vs. Daga vs. Kobra Moon vs. Mascarita Sagrada (w/Famous B & Beautiful Brenda)
  

Famous B gives us a quick pitch for 423-GET-FAME before introducing Mascarita Sagrada. As the match begins, Sagrada gets in a few spots ruling the ring and taking everybody out with lucha armdrags and headscissors. Kobra Moon stops a tope and tries to get the quick win on him while Daga and Argenis are on the floor. Michinoku Driver gets two. Daga pulls her off Sagrada by her hair and she is digging it. She tries to fondle Daga and he ain’t digging it. He throws Kobra to the floor. Daga and Argenis have a nice exchange culminating in an Asai Moonsault on the outside. Back in, Sagrada hits a flying body press on Kobra for two. Argenis breaks up the pin, but gets caught in a cross armbreaker by Sagrada. Argenis picks him up and drops him on his head. In comes Daga, he does this cool spot where he puts Kobra Moon in a Gory Special while at the same time grabbing Argenis for a lucha pendulum hold. Sagrada pulls a Mil Mascaras cross chop to Daga to break it all up. While Daga takes to the skies diving onto Argenis, Kobra Moon drills Sagrada with a Rikishi Driver. Instead of covering him, Kobra slithers to a corner and lets Daga have the pinfall. WUH? (4:58) Somebody is crushing on Daga all because he pulled her hair. I mean, you had to know she was kind of a freak anyways when she’s coming to the ring dressed up like some sort of snake person. No matter what, Daga does not seem into it. **

In the back, Marty the Moth lets Killshot know they have a match. When he starts to get aggressive, Killshot makes him look like a fool. It’s okay though. Marty has a good laugh about it. He doesn’t seem the least bit embarrassed.

• Killshot vs. Marty the Moth
  

Marty takes out his aggressions on Killshot to start and throws him to the floor. Is he going to fly? Nope. He flicks off the crowd. However, Killshot will fly. He delivers a moonsault plancha, but gets caught by Marty and drilled on the floor with a powerslam. Inside the ring, Marty throws Killshot around for a bit. Killshot comes back with some kicks and hits a somersault cutter for two. During a struggle on the apron, Killshot hoists Marty up and gives him a Death Valley Driver onto the apron! Back inside, Marty wins a slugfest with a nasty clothesline. Curb Stomp to Killshot! Cover, 1-2-NO! He clotheslines Killshot in the corner and follows up with a buttalanche, but gets caught and destroyed with a version of Kenny Omega’s One Winged Angel for the win. (6:57) Fun match as Striker said, Killshot came from behind and fought his way back for that one big move to give him the win. Gotta be the best match I’ve seen so far from Marty. After the bell rings, Marty does a real number on Killshot and steals his dog tags. You had to know that angle would come at some point. ***

• Gift of the Gods Championship: Texano vs. Joey Ryan vs. El Siniestro de la Muerte vs. Aerostar vs. The Mack vs. Sexy Star vs. Chavo Guerrero
  

No Catrina this week. Sexy Star rules the ring to start – except for Joey Ryan. When he pie faces her down, Chavo comes in and tries to get Joey to leave her alone only so he can roll her up. C’mon man, Joey is RIGHT THERE. Anyways, Sexy gets the better of the both of them as she headscissors and headlocks them over. Mack helps out his buddy for STEREO TILT-A-WHIRL HEADSCISSORS. We get a showdown between Mack and Sexy until Texano pulls out Sexy Star. Mack gets an armdrag on Texano and sunset flips him, but Texano rolls through and kicks Mack in the face. Aerostar gets chopped real good by Texano, but then tornado DDTs him. Texano misses a corner charge and falls out to the floor. Aerostar tries a tope, but El Siniestro cuts him off. When Aerostar has El Siniestro down, he does a springboard TRUST FALL onto the other five competitors. El Siniestro gets up and somersault planchas onto the whole pack. Joey starts to climb the top rope, but Sexy Star pulls him down and dives onto the pile herself. Now everybody takes turns hitting their finish with another wrestler breaking up the pin with Chavo being the last guy to hit the Frog Splash on Joey. The other five in the ring take turns giving Chavo their finish, which was pretty cool. NOW HERE COMES CAGE! He starts beating up everybody but Chavo and throws everyone out but Joey. He gives Ryan the DRILL CLAW and puts Chavo on top of Joey for the win. (8:32) Cage tosses the GOTG championship at Chavo and tells him that Dario Cueto is making him defend the tile against him – NEXT WEEK. Lots of bombs thrown here with so many finishers. What can you really do with seven people in the ring at the same time? Not a lot. ***

Elsewhere, Vampiro has his student Pentagon Jr. tied up and beats his back (which was injured by Matanza after a powerbomb through a table) with a Singapore cane until he stops whining about it. Only the weak cry in pain. Only the weak show their suffering. Only the weak are afraid. What a wuss, amirite? Vamp talks about the pills that Ian is taking in order to control this side of him, but it isn’t working. CLEARLY. It looks like it’s about to get worse for Pentagon Jr. as Vamp pulls out a barbed wire bat. End scene.

NEXT WEEK: Chavo versus Cage for the Gift of the Gods championship!