TEN YEARS AFTER: WWE Saturday Night’s Main Event #34 (06.07)

WWE: Saturday Night’s Main Event #34
June 2, 2007
Toronto, ON, Canada
Air Canada Centre

The current WWE champions are as follows:
WWE Champion: John Cena (9/17/2006)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Santino Marella (4/16/2007)
World Tag Team Champions: The Hardy Boyz (4/2/2007)
WWE Women’s Champion: Melina (4/24/2007)
ECW World Championship: Mr. McMahon (4/29/2007)
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge (5/11/2007)
WWE United States Champion: MVP (5/20/2007)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Deuce N Domino (4/20/2007)
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Chavo Guerrero (2/18/2007)

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.

BIGGEST! STRONGEST! STRANGEST! That’s the theme for tonight.

Various Divas will be doing the ring announcing duties throughout the night since they have nothing better for them to do. It sounded awful. Each one of them.

  • John Cena vs. The Great Khali

Cena attacks before the bell, but he can’t get *anything* going. Khali does a lot of clubbering and no-sells anything Cena throws at him. The TREE SLAM ends Cena for the win. (BOOYAKA 6:19) Cena got NOTHING in the way of serious offense so it should be interesting to see how they work the match at One Night Stand. Sure made Khali look dominant though. ½*

  • Arm Wrestling Match: Bobby Lashley vs. Mark Henry (w/Mr. McMahon)

It was supposed to be Mr. McMahon versus Bobby Lashley, but Vince stalled forever and then announced that Mark Henry was taking his place. To top it off, Henry doesn’t even bother with the arm wrestling match. He just cheapshots Lashley and distracts him long enough for Vince to hit a chairshot from behind. I don’t think there’s been a clean and honest arm wrestling match in wrestling. Ever. N/R

In the back, Maria interviews the World Champion Edge. He beat the Undertaker. He beat Batista. Therefore, he’s the greatest. Since we’re in Toronto, the crowd agrees.

  • Batista & Chris Benoit vs. Edge & MVP

JIP to Benoit chopping the hell out of MVP. He goes for the Crossface early, but MVP is in the ropes. Edge tags in, but tags right back out again when Batista appears. Bats has to settle for beating up MVP for a while. Benoit tags in and hits the Hat Trick of Germans. Edge distracts Benoit long enough for MVP to recover and roll out of the way of the Swandive Headbutt. Benoit gets caught on the wrong side of town for a while. Edge holds a reverse bearhug for a while, but Benoit fights his way up and enziguri kicks him. Batista gets the hot tag and cleans house. Edge grabs his title and abandons MVP. So much for any sort of alliance there. Bats and Benoit deliver the Spinebuster and the Swandive Headbutt for the win. (8:23 shown) This went about as well as I thought it would. **½

  • The Boogeyman & Little Boogey vs. Finlay & Hornswoggle

Boogeyman hasn’t improved much since his last extensive ring action. Thankfully, he’s not in there long before tagging Little Boogey. Little Boogey goes toe-to-knee with Finlay and hits a DDT. Boogey tosses him a worm treat. Hornswoggle gets the tag. He hands over his hat in a play on their Smackdown match, but this time it’s just a ploy to distract him while Finlay hits a dropkick. Finlay and Hornswoggle dance a celebratory jig. Nice. Boogeyman chases Hornswoggle up the ramp, allowing Finlay to boot Little Boogey in the face for the win. (3:48) Okay well, I did like that finish. Finlay beating up midgets is fantastic. ½*

Time for an Extreme Exposé dance segment. Meanwhile, Little Boogey is now chasing Hornswoggle throughout the arena. Boogeyman tries to help, but gets nailed by Finlay. Little Boogey chases Hornswoggle all the way back out to the ring where the dancing is still happening. Hornswoggle picks up Brooke, Little Boogey picks up Layla, and an impromptu game of chicken breaks out. Yep.

  • Kane, Eugene & Doink the Clown vs. Umaga, Kevin Thorn & Viscera

Eugene now has a superhero gimmick. This looks like Steve Lombardi as Doink. Doink does a lot of playing to the crowd until Thorn gets sick of him and stomps a seltzer hole in his back side. Eugene tags in, but gets smacked around by Umaga and Viscera. Viscera catches him with a Bossman Slam. After a break, Umaga is shown holding Eugene down in a nerve hold. He hits a Samoan Drop as well. Kane gets the hot tag and cleans house on Kevin Thorn. Big Vis tags in, but misses an avalanche and receives a CHOKESLAM from Kane for the three-count. (8:40 shown) That was quite a *strange* way to end the show, but there it was. *½

Final Thoughts: I’m thinking they didn’t want this particular one to be the final episode of the Saturday Night’s Main Event franchise because they did two more of these. There really is no reason for the SNME shows to occur anymore in the RAW era since we see marquee names square off against each other in competitive matches every week, causing SNME to lack what made it so special once upon a time. If nothing else, it’s WWE on a major broadcast network, which meant more in 2007 than it does now ten years later. Thumbs down for SNME #34.

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