WWF: Monday Night Raw (12.30.96)

mondaynightraw

Monday Night Raw
December 30, 1996
Albany, NY
Knickerbocker Arena

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Psycho Sid (11/17/96)
Intercontinental Champion: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (10/21/96)
World Tag Team Champions: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith (9/22/96)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.

  • Jesse James & Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin & Faarooq (w/the NOD)

Yesterday on Superstars, Steve Austin lost a handicap match to two jabronis (after Davey Boy Smith interfered, which goes unmentioned by VKM) and then PILLMANIZED both guys backstage. He’s a mad man, I tell ya. Weird tag team combinations all around here. Austin attacks JJ on his way to the ring to shut him up singing his theme song. Savio beats Austin into the ring to start this match. Faarooq just lets it all happen. The tables turn on Vega pretty quickly as Faarooq tags in and hits a Spinebuster for two. Savio fires back with a spin kick. We see that Bret Hart is backstage watching this match on the monitor. JJ eventually gets the hot tag and yet the crowd is lukewarm at best. Running bulldog on Austin gets two. He takes a tumble on the floor though thanks to Faarooq. While the ref is with Savio and Faarooq, Austin clips the CRAP out of JJ’s knee. Bret Hart comes out to help JJ. Commercials!

  • Bret Hart & Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin & Faarooq (w/the NOD)

When we return, Bret is on the apron now wearing his street clothes as JJ’s replacement. Faarooq and Austin get some heat off Savio with a chinlock. As Vega starts to come back, Austin cuts off a splash with knees and takes a moment to flip off the crowd before dropping his elbows on Savio. Back over to Faarooq, he beats on Savio until he’s caught up in an electric chair drop. Vintage Ron Simmons! Bret finally gets the tag. Austin tries to jump him, but Bret pounds him away. Five Moves of Doom time for Faarooq. He starts to apply the SHARPSHOOTER, but Crush and PG-13 jump in the ring to attack Bret for the DQ. (10:27 shown total) Savio tries to cover Bret to save him from the beating he’s getting by all five men. Since he’s no good, Ahmed Johnson runs down with a 2×4 and clears the ring of the bad guys. YOU’RE! GOING! DOWN! **

  • Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Flash Funk

Goldust and Marlena take a seat in the crowd again this week. Funk is a HOUSE OF FIRE to start on Helmsley. He whiffs on a crossbody out of the corner though allowing Helmsley to take over. He pounds on Flash and dumps him out so he can do his douchey blue blood pose. Flash floats back inside with the rolling prawn hold for 1-2-NO! Hunter delivers a reverse neckbreaker and a vertical suplex, but then Flash fires back with a crossbody block for two. Hunter runs him down with a clothesline and puts the boots to Flash. He pulls back on his neck to take us into commercial. When we return, Flash is coming out of an abdominal stretch with a hiptoss. He misses a splash though and hits knees. Harley Race knee drop by Hunter gets two. Shotgun Saturday Night debuts this weekend! Check your local listings! Another suplex and a middle rope fist drop by Helmsley scores another nearfall. Right before Flash’s comeback, Jerry Lawler gets up from the table and yells at Goldust on the house mic. Stop distracting the IC champ, you freak. Meanwhile, Flash is OWNING Hunter with a flying body press followed by a perfect Flying Moonsault for 1-2-NO! Lawler is still shouting threats at Goldust. While the ref is trying to get him to sit down and shut up, Helmsley grabs his IC title and whacks Flash. Of course, the “blind” ref jumps back in the ring and counts the pinfall. (9:13 shown) Afterwards, Goldust starts to run Lawler back to the locker room. When Hunter tries to jump Goldust from behind, Flash Funk saves the day and beats Helmsley back to the ring for the 450 SPLASH. Flash making Helmsley look like a decent wrestler here. **½

Jim Ross conducts the Shawn Michaels/Bret Hart Summit. Funny how this showdown is intended to draw ratings when it quickly becomes a normal part of the show by like May. Shawn is SUPER douchey sarcastic to begin things. After Ross announces that Bret will face Vader next week, Shawn says he will be at the announce table during that match and gives his word he won’t interfere. When Ross wants to let Shawn speak first, Shawn gets on his knees worshipping Bret and says he wouldn’t DARE speak before the Almighty Bret Hart has done so. Bret lays it out on Shawn saying he doesn’t like his disrespectful attitude. Bret feels Shawn hasn’t learned anything from Jose Lothario. When Lothario caused HBK to lose the WWF title at Survivor Series, there was a public apology on national TV from the man. When Shawn Michaels caused Bret Hart to lose the WWF title at In Your House, there was nothing even close to an apology. Bret brings up being screwed out of the WWF title back at WrestleMania 12. He feels Shawn never came close to being a respectful, classy champion like he was. Bret’s mic starts to go out a little bit. HE’S BEING SILENCED. Bret brings up the Playgirl magazine appearance and how Shawn used to be a role model for young kids, but no more. Bret doesn’t even think women buy that rag. He feels Shawn has degraded the WWF title. As Bret continues to insult Shawn, the sports jacket starts to come off. There will be a time when they will meet in the ring. All the dancing in the world can’t save you – and Bret will kick his ass. You know why? Because he can. Vince chimes in to say that Bret isn’t being very classy right now. Shawn finally gets to speak. He hopes Bret finally got the bug out of his butt now. Shawn essentially calls Bret a hypocrite for thinking he’s a role model, but does nothing to back up the claim. The WWF champ Psycho Sid interrupts the proceedings and he welcomes the cheers as the HEEL champion. He points out again that he’s beaten both of these guys, so now he wants REAL competition. BONG. Here comes the Undertaker. Before he can reach the ring, Vader is behind him for the Pearl Harbor job. Taker actually punches Vader down and goes nose-to-nose with Sid in the aisle. Vader is back up though and pops Taker in the back of the head to cause Taker to stalk him back to the locker room. Meanwhile, Shawn leaps out onto Sid as they get into a pull-apart brawl.

  • Goldust (w/Marlena) vs. Jerry Lawler

Honky Tonk Man and IC champ Hunter Hearst Helmsley join the announce table. Match is JIP when we come back from commercials as Goldust confronts HHH. Lawler beats Goldust back into the ring though. This is all angle. While Lawler is choking and punching on Goldust, Helmsley gets up and takes Marlena over his shoulder caveman style. As he heads to the locker room, Marc Mero in street clothes stands in his way. Goldust finally gets away from Lawler and tries to save his wife. At that moment, Helmsley tosses Marlena to Mero and sidesteps Goldust as he collides into Marlena and Mero. Whoops. Call for the bell, ref. (2:50 shown) Helmsley does a number on Goldust and Mero in the aisle. Marlena appears to be knocked out. Yikes. ¾*

NEXT WEEK: Bret Hart meets TMTC Vader!

And now for the TOP FIVE RAW MATCHES of 1996!

5. Mankind vs. Steve Austin (11/18) ***
4. The Smoking Gunns vs. Shawn Michaels & Ahmed Johnson (7/22) ***
3. Shawn Michaels vs. The 1-2-3 Kid (3/4) ***1/4
2. Shawn Michaels vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (5/13) ***1/4
1. Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty (7/1) ***1/4

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Posted on September 12, 2015, in WWE and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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