WWF: Raw is War (03.02.98)

rawiswar

WWF: Raw is War
March 2, 1998
Cleveland, OH
Gund Arena

The current WWF champs are as follows:
World Champion: Shawn Michaels (11/9/1997)
Intercontinental Champion: The Rock (12/8/1997)
World Tag Team Champions: The New Age Outlaws (11/24/1997)
European Champion: Owen Hart (1/26/1998)
Light Heavyweight Champion: TAKA Michinoku (12/7/1997)

TIME TO GET RAW! Your hosts are Jim Ross, Michael Cole, and Kevin Kelly.

D-Generation X begins tonight’s program. Shawn Michaels is wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses. Cole reminds us that Shawn has deemed this year’s WrestleMania as X-Rated. Hunter Hearst Helmsley confirms it and tells the parents to give their kids permission to watch because discretion is advised, but will be completely ignored. Helmsley quickly threatens to end Owen Hart’s WWF European title run before making a dick joke.

To quote from the great Norm Macdonald: “You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can’t talk about it enough. They even got poems. They’ll say, ‘It’s not the motion of the ocean, it’s the boat of the lotion.’ I’ve even heard variants…, “it’s not the tree or the size, it’s the axe that you wax.’ It’s a whole sub-genre of poetry now that’s taught in many of our finer institutions.” This is where my mind goes whenever Triple H discusses his tool.

Now over to Shawn Michaels. Talk turns to Mike Tyson who is rumored to be here in the building tonight. Shawn says DX will make him an offer that he can’t refuse. If Tyson does refuse them, he will never forget DX. Let’s hear about Stone Cold Steve Austin now. Well, actually Shawn just puts himself over as with all the usual taglines he loves to use. Michaels says Austin will find out at WrestleMania 14 that the toughest SOB in the WWF isn’t tough enough for him. Tonight though, Shawn says Austin will boogie to the tunes of Sweet Chin Music. Shine up your chrome dome so that HBK can crack it like an egg. *GLASS SHATTERS* Here comes Stone Cold Steve Austin. When Austin confronts DX in the ring, the lights go out and Kane’s music starts. Kane and Paul Bearer appear at the top of the ramp. Bearer says Austin won’t have to worry about WrestleMania because tonight, Kane will send him straight to hell. When the lights come back on, DX has disappeared. Kane and Paul Bearer are gone. Austin is left alone in the ring. He goes over and kicks Michael Cole off the announce table. Austin says he’ll beat the crap out of Kane with or without the lights on. In the words of Steve Austin, It don’t make no difference to him. He even threatens to fight Mike Tyson tonight if he wants a piece of him because Stone Cold Said So.

TONIGHT: Mystery WrestleMania Celebrity Unveiled.

Outside the building, we see a super stretch limo has arrived. Shane McMahon pops out as does IRON MIKE TYSON.

After the break, they take us back to last week on RAW when Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie attacked the New Age Outlaws while they were trying to leave the building. Luckily for the Outlaws, they managed to make a getaway.

  • WWF World Tag Team Championship: The New Age Outlaws (c) vs. The Disciples of Apocalypse

The Outlaws both come out wearing cervical collars. There’s a dumpster at ringside, but pay it no mind. They say they have a case against Chainsaw and Cactus and show us some footage that was recorded from inside the car when the incident occurred. Anyways, they have a doctor’s note that excuses them from wrestling tonight. Commissioner Slaughter appears on the TitanTron and calls them out on their BS. To make matters worse for the Outlaws, Slaughter makes them defend the WWF tag titles. What a break for the DOA. They beat the crap out of the Outlaws until Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie pop up out of the dumpster to run the Outlaws through the crowd. That gives the DOA a countout victory over the tag champs at 1:22.

We go to a video package highlighting Marc Mero and Sable’s issue with Goldust and Luna. Tonight, Marc Mero walks alone.

WRESTLEMANIA MILLENNIUM MOMENT (brought to you by M&M’s): WrestleMania XI, the Salt N Pepa performance.

  • Marc Mero (w/Sable) vs. Tom Brandi

Mero is disappointed when the big reaction is for Sable and not for him, so he throws his robe at her and sends Sable packing. Luna comes down to ringside without Goldust and watches the match. Brandi avoids the TKO and hits a sitout gourdbuster for a nearfall. When Brandi comes off the ropes, Luna hooks his leg. Brandi sticks his head through the ropes to grab Luna and gets slapped. While the ref admonishes her, Mero low blows Brandi and puts him away with the TKO at 2:42.

Luna congratulates Mero on his victory and pulls him in for a kiss. WHAT. Completely confused, Mero turns his back to the entry way and gets blasted from behind by Goldust. Is Sable coming down for the save? She pulls Luna into a corner and hairmares her across the ring. Meanwhile, Mero comes back on Goldust. More refs come out to hold Mero and Sable back as Goldust and Luna head for the exit sign. Mero chastises Sable while the crowd chants her name. Commissioner Slaughter has even come down to the ring now. Before he can really do anything, Sable shoves Mero down and leaves the ring. Oh boy. When Mero calls her back in the ring, she comes at Mero with a purpose and scares him away. For some reason, ref Jack Doan holds up Sable’s arm like she won a match or something. Maybe he just wanted to touch her. I don’t know.

  • WWF European Championship: Owen Hart (c) vs. Mark Henry (w/the NOD)

The rest of the Nation of Domination boys are sent to the back by Commissioner Slaughter to prevent any shenanigans in this title match. Owen tries knocking Henry off his feet and eventually does so with a spinning heel kick. Hey look, here comes Chyna down to ringside to distract Owen. Henry avalanches him in the corner a few times and slams him down for an elbow drop. Backbreaker connects, but Owen avoids a jumping elbow drop and tries the Sharpshooter only for Henry to kick him away. Henry delivers a belly to belly suplex. Owen sets up Henry for a sunset flip and avoids the butt splash. Henry kicks away another try at the Sharpshooter. Owen avoids another avalanche and hits the missile dropkick. The elbow drop from the second rope gets two. Enziguri Kick knocks Henry goofy enough for the SHARPSHOOTER this time. Chyna gets up on the apron and brings Owen off the hold. He heads up again for some reason and obviously gets pushed down by Chyna into a BEARHUG. His arm drops twice as Owen might be out, but Chyna comes in and low blows Henry for the DQ. (5:37) Our second finish of the night involving a shot to the nads. Michael Cole hurries over and asks Chyna why she did that. Chyna tells him she did it because she can. *

In the back, we catch Vince McMahon chatting with Mike Tyson.

  • The Headbangers & TAKA Michinoku vs. The Rock N Roll Express & Barry Windham (w/Jim Cornette)

Thrasher reminds the RNR Express that they have beaten thousands of great tag teams over the years, but the Headbangers beat them and Thrasher finds that pretty hilarious. Mosh says that this ain’t the 1980s and if the RNR Express are looking for an 8-track flashback, he’s got two words for them: BEAT IT. He says this is 1998 and the Headbangers rule. TAKA on Cornette: “You jackass.” After Thrasher does some monkey flipping on Gibson, he tags in TAKA who ends up getting easily triple-teamed. Windham drops him with a nasty DDT. He rolls under a double clothesline though and hot tags Thrasher. The match breaks down and while Thrasher has Gibson stuck in an O’Connor roll, Cornette slides into the ring. Whatever happens to Cornette and Gibson happens off camera here. Looks like maybe Thrasher got the racket away from Cornette and whacked Gibson. Anyways, Thrasher gets the pinfall. (1:48) This was the hardest worked match of the night so far, but also criminally short. *½

ENTER THE WARZONE! Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Vince McMahon is in the ring to start the second hour. He gets booed out of the building just for being present. Here comes Mike Tyson and his crew. I can’t tell if they are booing Tyson or McMahon, but it is a cold reaction. McMahon asks Tyson who he thinks will leave WrestleMania 14 as the WWF champion when DX interrupts. Commissioner Slaughter, agents, and referees all try to contain DX and keep them away from Tyson. Shawn gets on the mic and tells Tyson that he isn’t here to disrespect him like Steve Austin did the night after the Royal Rumble, but he is here to call Tyson’s ass out right here and now. Tyson accepts the challenge. The crowd starts to buzz as everybody leaves the ring except Tyson and Michaels. Tyson and Michaels start shoving each other back. Tyson DARES Michaels to punch him in the face. Michaels grabs Tyson by the shirt and reaches back, but then takes both hands and rips the WWF Attitude shirt to show a D-GENERATION X T-SHIRT. Now that Tyson is officially the special enforcer for Shawn’s match against Steve Austin at WrestleMania 14, it appears that the end result is in the bag now that he is the newest member of D-Generation X. Crotch chops from everybody in DX directed straight at DX. McMahon and his stooges start to leave ringside totally pissed off while DX get super excited like a bunch of immature teenagers. Michaels – “For those who don’t know, the Heartbreak Kid is the man that runs this show!” This is another home run of a Mike Tyson segment as far as I’m concerned.

Backstage, DX, Mike Tyson, and the Tyson entourage continue to laugh it up.

  • Steve Blackman vs. Kama (w/the NOD)

Once again, Commissioner Slaughter keeps the rest of the Nation of Domination boys from being at ringside. Blackman has recent victories over Faarooq and the Rock. Now he gets a shot at Kama. Lots of strikes here from both guys. Blackman kicks Kama to the floor for a pescado. Back inside, a flying body press to Kama gets two. Blackman runs into a spinebuster. That was pretty ugly. Kama delivers a hook kick and comes off the second rope, but flies down into a boot. Blackman hits a backbreaker and then kicks Kama down for his hammerlock submission when Faarooq and the Rock head down to attack him for the DQ. (3:04) As the NOD do a number on Blackman with their finishers, Ken Shamrock runs down for the save and belly to belly suplexes Kama out of his boots. ¾*

  • Jeff Jarrett (w/Tennessee Lee) vs. Flash Funk

With the debuting Tennessee Lee (or Robert Fuller) introducing Jeff Jarrett, Jarrett comes to the ring wearing the country music singer gimmick instead of the “Greatest Wrestler in the World” gimmick. He’s back to being J-E-DOUBLE-F J-A-DOUBLE-R-E-DOUBLE-T. As far as the NWA goes, the truth is they were not prepared for his multi-dimensional stature. The only one who could promote him the right way is Tennessee Lee. So what happens to the NWA North American title then? Funk BUM RUSHES THE SHOW here, but can’t really capitalize. Jarrett works him over with a swinging neckbreaker and the Bossman straddle. Flash makes a comeback with a few kicks here and there. There’s a Stinger Splash and a back suplex as Funk heads up top, but Tennessee Lee crotches him and flips Flash over into the ring for the FIGURE-FOUR (WOO) to get the submission win for Jarrett. (3:33) This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, folks. Glorified squash for Mr. Jarrett here. *

Gennifer Flowers is the Mystery WrestleMania Celebrity who will be the timekeeper during one of the matches. For those of us too young to know, she came public about her affair with then presidential hopeful Bill Clinton during the 1992 campaign season. In Clinton’s presidential deposition in January 1998, he admitted to having a sexual encounter with Flowers in 1977. Anyways, Flowers was back in the news at the time and the WWF wanted to capitalize on this moment by throwing some money her way. No doubt about it, Vince would have paid for Monica Lewinsky herself to be at WrestleMania 14.

In the parking lot, Michael Cole waits outside Mike Tyson’s limo. Here comes DX to walk Mike Tyson to his limo. Michaels is shirtless for some reason. HHH – “WE ARE WINNERS!” Tyson mutters something about Stone Cold Steve Austin getting knocked out. Alright then.

Lawler says Mike Tyson joining DX is the biggest wrestling news ever in history. Man, they really are picking up some of WCW’s bad habits.

Video package highlighting the recent downfall of the Legion of Doom. Ross says the situation in the LOD is worse than we thought, but he’ll keep us updated on the status of the team.

  • Steve Austin vs. Kane (w/Paul Bearer)

No match. DX ambushes Austin during his ring entrance. Shawn lays him out with SWEET CHIN MUSIC as they stand over him to disrespect him with crotch chops.

When we return from break, Kane grabs a “fan” in the front row and throws him down at ringside. He then takes the ring bell and forces timekeeper Mark Yeaton into the ring. Paul Bearer would like us to pay respects to the Undertaker and orders Yeaton to do a ten-bell salute. Afterwards, Bearer tells Yeaton to ring the bell once more for himself because GET EM KANE. Yeaton takes a Chokeslam and then the TOMBSTONE. Back to Bearer, he says Kane has one Tombstone left. Jerry Lawler? Jim Ross? Nope. *BONG* The lights go out and the *BONG* noise continues as purple light covers the ring. Next thing we know, there’s a coffin sitting at the top of the ramp. A bolt of lightning strikes exploding the casket and then what appears to be the Undertaker is left lying on the stand. Is it really him? YES IT IS. He sits up and looks straight at Kane. Taker stands up and welcomes Kane to hell. He is the demon who will lead Kane to eternal damnation. Taker says he wasn’t all that impressed with what Kane did to him at the Royal Rumble. He says you cannot destroy what does not wish to perish. Pretty sure that’s not true. Taker tells Bearer that when he returns to the darkness, it is by his own choosing to receive a spiritual healing. While he was gone, he went to sooth the souls of his parents because now he has to do the one thing he promised never to do. Bearer calls Kane the new Phenom and Kane causes a wall of fire to appear on the ramp. Taker walks right through the fire and tells Kane that he will soon understand why Taker is the most feared entity in the WWF, the Reaper of Wayward Souls, and the Lord of Darkness. One more thing: Taker wants Kane to remember when they were kids and started to fight one another, they had mom and dad there to stop them. Come March 29 at WrestleMania 14, there won’t be anybody to stop them. May the hounds of hell eat Kane’s rotting soul. REST IN PEACE.

Ross – “What a moment, what a feeling! The Undertaker is back to wage war with his own flesh and blood!”

Strange booking of Steve Austin tonight, right?

Goodnight, everybody.

Until next time, so long for now.

wm14

M&Ms presents WWF WrestleMania XIV: dX-Raided LIVE ON PPV on March 29 from the Fleet Center in Boston, MA.
MAIN EVENT
WWF Championship (w/Mike Tyson as Special Enforcer): Shawn Michaels (c) vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin

WWF Intercontinental Championship: The Rock (c) vs. Ken Shamrock
WWF European Championship: Owen Hart (c) vs. Triple H

The Undertaker vs. Kane
15-Team Battle Royal

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