Ultima Lucha Dos: Night Two
July 13, 2016
Los Angeles, CA
The Temple

The current Lucha Underground champs are as follows:
Lucha Underground Champion: Matanza (3/23/16)
Lucha Underground Gift of the Gods Champion: Vacant (6/1/16)
Lucha Underground Trios Champions: Johnny Mundo, Jack Evans & PJ Black (5/25/16)

HIPSTER BAND OF THE WEEK: El Conjunto Nueva Ola.

Your hosts are Matt Striker and Vampiro.

• Gift of the Gods Championship Elimination Match
  

The participants include: Night Claw, Daga, Killshot, Marty the Moth, Sexy Star, Mariposa, and El Sinestro de la Muerte. This is the in-ring debut of Night Claw. A real Black Panther type of guy. Out on the floor, Mariposa and Sexy Star pair off while Killshot and Marty the Moth continue their rivalry. The other three guys in the ring try eliminating one another. Marty is keeping Killshot’s dog tags in his tights. Meanwhile, Daga explodes on Night Claw with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and holds on for a cutter. OH YEAH, Kobra Moon is watching her man from the stands. Night Claw catches Sinestro de la Muerte coming off the ropes with a Solo Spanish Fly to eliminate him at 2:53. Commercials! When we come back, Daga and Night Claw take center stage. As Night Claw slides out, Daga takes him out with a somersault plancha. Sexy Star shoves Mariposa off the top rope onto Daga and then does a TORNILLO of sorts on the rest of the crew. Killshot shows off with a Space Tiger Flying Drop. Marty takes flight with a plancha on everybody else. In the ring, Marty picks up Daga out of a CROSS ARMBREAKER and smashes him in the corner. Daga fires back with a roll into a guillotine choke, but Night Claw flies in with a guillotine legdrop to break up the hold. WHY? He and Daga fight over suplexes, but it’s a SUPER RANA that takes down Daga. Night Claw channels the spirit of Low-Ki and delivers a PHOENIX SPLASH to send Daga to the showers at 6:39 shown. Kobra Moon seems deflated over the outcome. Killshot and Marty the Moth go back to brawling while Sexy and Mariposa do the same. For no good reason at all, Night Claw does a moonsault dive off the roof of Dario Cueto’s office onto the other four who were totally expecting that to happen. I hate stuff like that, but that’s LUCHA. Killshot and Marty head into the ring. He connects with a good kick on Marty, punts Night Claw away, and gives Mariposa a Death Valley Driver on the apron. Somersault and the cutter on Marty takes him away. Night Claw goes after Killshot with a tilt-a-whirl armdrag. During an exchange on the top rope, Night Claw manages to bring Killshot down with a hurracanrana. Low superkick followed by a standing SSP gets 1-2-NO! PHOENIX SPLASH misses. Killshot picks up Night Claw and drills him with the STAR CRADLE DRIVER to eliminate him at 10:18 shown.

FINAL FOUR: Killshot, Marty the Moth, Sexy Star, and Mariposa. Clearly a two-on-two scenario here. Sexy gives Mariposa the Bronco Buster and rubs her butt all over her. Killshot helps Sexy go from corner to corner taking out her foes. I guess he’s the new Mack in this situation since Killshot certainly has beef with Marty. However, Killshot tries getting fancy and takes a sunset flip powerbomb from Mariposa for 1-2-NO! Marty runs Sexy into a wall and gives Killshot the CURB STOMP. BUTTERFLY EFFECT from Mariposa to Killshot gets the three-count at 12:28 shown. More commercials! When we return, Now Sexy has to overcome the odds against this brother-sister team. After she gets abused, she manages a headlock-headscissors takedown on the other two. Sexy has to get so much help from her opponent to do almost anything athletic. She gets a Fujiwara armbar on Marty until Mariposa breaks it up. Sexy gets away from Mariposa in the corner and hits Marty with a flying body press. Mariposa grabs Sexy for Marty to punch her. Of course, Sexy ducks and Mariposa gets walloped. Sexy dropkicks a shocked Marty out of the ring and covers Mariposa for our next elimination at 15:58 shown. AND THEN THERE WERE TWO! She catches Marty in an Octopus Hold, but Marty spins her around for a side slam. Marty delivers a knockout blow and only gets two. He picks her up for another shot, but Sexy pulls him down into a cross armbreaker for the tapout to win the championship. (18:45 shown) Ladies and gents, we have a *new* Gift of the Gods champion. I know they were looking for closure and complete retribution for Sexy Star in her feud with Mariposa and Marty the Moth, but this match lost its mojo for me once we got down to the final four. You knew exactly where they were heading and while Sexy Star is booked like this “never say die” character, the delivery of her offense is just too hokey for me to get behind and it feels like just guys doing what they’re told to do by going out and making her look good when she’s less talented than other women wrestlers. As long as Sexy Star doesn’t dethrone Matanza, I think I’ll be okay. ***¼

We see that undercover cops Joey Ryan and Cortez Castro are trying to convince Cisco to wear a wire to get some intel on Dario Cueto in exchange for getting all his charges cleared. Cisco is worried about the typical things every person who has ever worn a wire on a TV show is concerned about.

• Death Match: Mil Muertes (w/Catrina) vs. King Cuerno
  

This is all because King Cuerno took Mil’s lifeless body and added it to his trophy case. I’m PUMPED. Muertes is ON FIRE beating the crap out of Cuerno to start. Cuerno kicks out Muertes though and delivers his tope suicida into an empty section of seats. He tries for another one, but Mil elbows him in the face and pulls him out for a TKO on the floor. Cuerno takes a ride into a section of chairs. VINTAGE LUCHA UNDERGROUND~! They brawl into the stands, but Cuerno leaps off a barricade into Mil right in front of Catrina. More brawling as they fight up to the bandstand. Mics and mic stands are used. Cuerno falls out of the stand as Muertes continues to beat him up down the aisle. Muertes pulls out a table, a ladder, and rearranges the ringside steps. Cuerno finds a trash can and beats Mil until Catrina distracts him. In the ring though, Muertes punches and throws Cuerno around. Cuerno stops him up top and delivers a hurracanrana. Back to the floor, they head up the stairs. Cuerno puts Mil’s head through a glass window, but he NO-SELLS and puts Cuerno’s head through a glass window. AWESOME. He sends Cuerno back down the steps and sets up another table. Cuerno headscissors away a powerbomb and kicks off Dario’s office to deliver a TORNADO DDT ON THE FLOOR. Another table is set up. Cuerno chokes out Mil and heads back into the ring. Before he can get standing, Muertes is there to drill him with a right hand. They trade shots and tumble to the floor. With the ladder leaned up against the barricade, Cuerno catches Muertes and backdrops him on the ladder. A FOURTH TABLE COMES OUT. Cuerno confronts Catrina and grabs her, but then Mil runs and leaps off the ringside steps to SPEAR him into a table! Nobody touches Catrina. The other three tables are quickly destroyed as Mil powerbombs Cuerno through one after the other. In the ring, Mil Muertes brings with him a crowbar and comes off the top rope to whack Cuerno. This is literally a death match now. TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER spikes Cuerno and this thing is over. (13:49) Another stand out match for Mil Muertes with an ungodly amount of violence. I don’t think this is say MOTYC quality like his stuff with Fenix because Cuerno’s character is certainly different than his, but it’s still a must-see match from Ultima Lucha Dos. After the bell, Catrina gives King Cuerno what every man dreams of and yet what every man is terrified by at the same time: the LICK OF DEATH. Oh, it’s been too long. They cart Cuerno out on a stretcher which is decent of Lucha Underground since he just took a crowbar to the back of his head. ***¾

Vampiro gets real quiet as Matt Striker reminds us of last year’s Ultima Lucha when Pentagon Jr. put Vamp through a flaming table. After the match, Vamp revealed himself to be Pentagon’s maestro. Striker wants to know what Vamp thinks are Pentagon Jr.’s chances against Matanza for the Lucha Underground title next week. We see Vamp take his meds and pours them all in the trash. VAMPIRO DOESN’T NEED MEDICATION. It’s time for him to go get his student ready and Vamp walks off.

So it’s show time for Cisco. He enters Dario Cueto’s office wearing the wire. Dario thinks he’s here for a match at Ultima Lucha, but it’s all booked up. Cisco says he’s not here for that and just wanted to see if Dario needed anything. Dario tells him no and to leave his office. Cisco wants a piece of the action though and calls himself a “loyal soldier”. Dario notices Cisco is sweating bullets and calls him a liar. He wants to know if Cisco is wearing a wire and forces Cisco to unbutton his shirt. Joey and Cortez know he’s in trouble. Dario sees the wire and tells whoever is listening to come get him. He throws down the wire and BEATS CISCO TO DEATH WITH THE RED BULL STATUE. The very same statue that was used to kill his own mother by Matanza. Oh boy. Once the deed is done, Dario gets on the phone and says, “it’s time” to whomever he was talking to on the other end. WHO IS HE TALKING TO?!

Until next time, so long for now.

NEXT WEEK: The 2-hour Ultima Lucha Finale!

Trios titles match: Team Man Bun (c) versus Drago, Aerostar, and Fenix
El Dragon Azteca Jr versus Black Lotus
Lucha Underground championship: Matanza (c) versus Pentagon Jr.
Taya versus Ivelisse
Dream Match: Rey Mysterio versus Prince Puma