WWE: Saturday Night’s Main Event
July 15, 2006
Dallas, TX
American Airlines Center

The current WWE champions are as follows:
WWE Champion: Edge (7/3/2006)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Johnny Nitro (6/25/2006)
World Tag Team Champions: The Spirit Squad (4/3/2006)
WWE Women’s Champion: Mickie James (4/2/2006)
World Heavyweight Champion: Rey Mysterio (4/2/2006)
WWE United States Champion: Finlay (7/14/2006)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Paul London & Brian Kendrick (5/21/2006)
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Gregory Helms (1/29/2006)
ECW World Championship: Big Show (7/4/2006)

Your hosts are the three teams of Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler (RAW), Michael Cole & JBL (SD!), and Joey Styles & Tazz (ECW).

Hulk Hogan and his daughter Brooke start the show tonight. Season two of “Hogan Knows Best” just aired on VH1 a few weeks back, but that’s not why we’re here. It has come to our attention as of late that Randy Orton has developed a Dateline-level creepy infatuation for Brooke. He comes out to the ring to present Brooke with a rose – on behalf of all the Hulkamaniacs, of course. Since he’s here though, Randy respectfully challenges Hulk Hogan to a match at SummerSlam. Hogan respectfully accepts. They shake hands and that’s that. Brooke seems pretty happy about that rose.

• Rey Mysterio, Batista & Bobby Lashley vs. Mark Henry, Finlay & King Booker (w/Queen Sharmell & William Regal)
  

ALL HAIL KING BOOKER! He is the KOTR and has already been named the #1 contender to Rey’s world title after recently winning a battle royal to face Rey Mysterio at the Great American Bash. Finlay continues to have one of the greatest comebacks ever. Mark Henry is having one of the greatest years of his career. This is just a GREAT team. However, on the other side we have Bobby Lashley who turned out to be a dud. Rey Mysterio has been constantly booked like a lame duck paper champion. Batista makes his return to the ring tonight after missing the last seven months of action. Lashley overpowers Finlay to start. He delivers the belly to belly suplex and both teams come in the ring for a standoff as we go to commercials. THINGS ARE HEATING UP~! When we come back, Rey escapes a chinlock from Finlay and hits a springboard moonsault off the top rope. The match breaks down and Finlay capitalizes on the chaos by bringing the Leprechaun in the ring to whack Mysterio with the shillelagh. Awesome. Booker abuses Mysterio in the corner, but Henry misses an avalanche. This must be where he tears his patella tendon off the bone. Poor Mark misses the next year of action after this encounter. Rey kicks Henry down and crawls towards Batista for the false tag spot. Rey headscissors Booker away and crawls through the legs of the heels a few times until he reaches Batista for the hot tag. Dallas loves this guy! He goes SLAM CRAZY on Finlay and Booker. He hits the Spinebuster on Booker and sets up for the Batista Bomb. Booker crawls to the ropes reaching out to Sharmell and Regal, but Rey 619s Booker to stagger him into the BATISTA BOMB for the win. (6:26 shown) They had to let Batista get the win since this was his big return and all, but poor Rey. Right? The guy was just set up to fail. **½

While Vince McMahon gets the Spirit Squad pumped up about taking care of D-Generation X, D-Generation X appears on the split-screen. They mute what nonsense Vince is saying and replaces it with their own nonsense. Their comments are noticeably PG. What is “Starry Night” doing in the background? Is it possible that McMahon is a fan of post-impressionism? Is it just a “Vince” thing? Who knows.

We see that before SNME went on the air, the WWE divas whored it up Texas-style for a mechanical bull riding contest.

• Carlito & Trish Stratus vs. Johnny Nitro & Melina
  

Carlito is gladly stepping up to be the aid of Trish now that she’s suddenly started a rivalry with Melina. Ross calls Trish the top WWE Diva on RAW despite her not being the WWE women’s champion. Melina sticks her thumb in her mouth before she jabs Trish in the eye. Trish gets fired up and lets Carlito lick her hand before she chops Melina across the chest. When she wants to tag out, Nitro tells Melina to go after Trish. They end up slamming each other’s face on the mat. Men in, women out. Carlito hits a nice dropkick and counters a wheelbarrow rollup with a suplex. Hey wait, CATFIGHT! The ladies roll to the floor while Carlito hits Nitro with the BACKCRACKER for the win. (2:36) And the beat goes on. *

Kevin Von Erich comes out to say hello to the Dallas crowd.

• Elimination Match: DX vs. The Spirit Squad
  

There’s a cage at ringside for each team to go in after they’re eliminated. I feel this is going to be as messy as the Vengeance match. Helmsley distracts the ref while Shawn hits all the SS boys with the giant megaphone. While they get into a huddle, Helmsley blows the air horn at them. SWEET CHIN MUSIC to Mitch takes him out at 1:19. When we come back from break, DX are in full control. Surprise, surprise. They do a gay sex spot because the people running the show (and most of the audience watching) have the sense of humor of a 13 year old. Johnny takes a AA Spinebuster from HHH to send him into the cage at 1:56 shown. Kenny decides to walk out on the match, but it’s all part of Vince’s evil plan to smack Shawn Michaels with a steel chair. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. Kenny takes Shawn back to the ring for some brief DX in peril action. Notice it’s always Shawn who gets put in that role. I mean he is right for the role, but come on. Hunter is never in any trouble with these guys. Hot tag to HHH, he fights off the SS and hits Nicky (Ziggler) with the PEDIGREE at 5:19 shown. Only Mikey and Kenny remain. SWEET CHIN MUSIC to Mikey takes him out at 5:43 shown. HBK hits the Flying Elbow and SWEET CHIN MUSIC sends Kenny reeling into the PEDIGREE. (6:39 shown) Afterwards, Vince opens the cage to let the SS go after DX (because it’s worked out so well up to this point) and takes SWEET CHIN MUSIC into the cage. Helmsley padlocks the door and throws the key into the crowd. They celebrate this win by standing on the SS cage and giving the crowd crotch chops. HOW COOL~! *

The Great Khali and Daivari are now in the ring. They hype the Punjabi Prison match with the Undertaker at the Great American Bash. It’s totally going to happen, guys. The new ECW world champion the Big Show and Paul Heyman come down. Khali makes Show look a tad short. Show says he’s out here to “put over” Khali for pinning the Undertaker with his foot on Taker’s chest. *BONG* The Undertaker comes out as the managers flee. Show backs off while Undertaker slugs at Khali. When Taker clears the ring of Khali, Show jumps him from behind. Taker fights back and goozles Show. He then goozles Khali at the same time. Umm, no. They end up DOUBLE-GOOZLING Taker and hoist him up for the double chokeslam to leave the Deadman lying.

After the break, Todd Grisham catches up with the Big Show backstage. He is the EXTREME GIANT. You’ll only see him on Tuesday nights on Sci-Fi. He challenges Taker to a match for the ECW world title this week. Once he’s done with Taker, Khali can have what’s left at the Great American Bash.

• Extreme Rules: Sabu vs. Stevie Richards
  

Short match to put over Sabu and his EXTREMENESS. He hits the Triple Jump Moonsault and the ARABIAN FACECRUSHER of sorts to end Richards in 2:02.

Backstage, Hulk Hogan finds Randy Orton talking to Brooke. Hulk smacks him on the back to let him know he’s there. He tells Orton he’ll see him at SummerSlam. Orton respectfully leaves them be. Brooke looks MESMERIZED by him. As Hulk puts her in the car, he starts to walk around the car when Randy Orton flies in and RKOs onto the trunk! OH SNAP! Brooke gets out of the car thinking her dad fell or something. She asks Randy what happened, but he doesn’t say anything and walks away.

After the break, Ross calls what Orton did a show of “total disrespect”. That’s putting it mildly, my friend.

Todd Grisham hosts the “Diva Bull Riding” finals between Michelle McCool and Victoria. McCool wins – and she’s not even banging the Undertaker yet.

• WWE Championship: Edge (c) (w/Lita) vs. John Cena
  

So Rob Van Dam was on top of the world when we last saw him at Vengeance. He was the WWE and ECW world champions. I mean, could he get any higher? Well, it’s Rob Van Dam – of course he can. On July 3, it was reported that he and Sabu were riding together the day before and were pulled over for speeding when the police officer found Van Dam in possession of weed and Vicodin. RVD dropped both belts on the RAW and ECW tapings and was suspended for thirty days in lieu of being released. Not sure why Sabu was allowed to be on SNME, but anyways. WWE makes a big deal about this being the first time their title has been defended on NBC in fourteen years – since Bret Hart defended against Papa Shango in November 1992. GOOD GRIEF LITA’S TOP. If you have to tape your clothes to your body to cover yourself up, you’re not wearing enough clothes. I’m sorry – I THINK SHE’S ATTRACTIVE, but this clothes trend of hers is absurd. Edge decides to walk out on this match and heads for the ramp. Cena beats him back to the ring, but takes a bump over the top rope to the floor causing a commercial break. When we come back, Edge catches Cena trying a backdrop and flubs a superplex since the ropes are slippery. Ouch. Edge gets a nearfall off a big boot. Cena wins a slugfest though and hits some clotheslines and shoulderblocks. Protobomb, Five Knuckle Shuffle, and the FU looks to put Edge away as Lita pulls out the ref. With Cena distracted, Edge still misses the SPEAR and staggers into the STFU. When ref Mike Chioda tries to get back in the ring, Lita pulls him off the apron and slaps him across the face. He sells it but doesn’t act like he’s unconscious over it. Chioda gets back in the ring and calls for the bell while Edge is tapping out. Cena thinks he’s won back the WWE title, but really Chioda is DQ’ing Edge. (5:01 shown) Afterwards, Edge leaves Cena laying with a SPEAR and celebrates with his gal pal. Not letting Edge off that easily, Cena puts Edge through the announce table with an FU off the steps. **

Good night everybody!

Final Thoughts: This show did slightly above average Smackdown numbers. The fast national rating was about a 2.8. In 2006, there was no reason to have a Saturday Night’s Main Event. Before RAW started in 1993, you rarely if ever saw WWF world title matches on free TV except on these NBC (and can’t forget FOX!) specials. Fast forward to 2006, there was a WWE title change that occurred twelve days earlier on RAW and of course that was due to abnormal circumstances, but weekly TV gives you these types of matches awfully regular. My point is there’s nothing special about an NBC special that you don’t already see every week. Even though SNME is a ratings failure during the Ruthless Aggression era, WWE will tout that they were on a major network and tell you that’s awesome. They will try to twist every negative into a positive no matter how eye-rolling it is.

As for the show, they did the right thing by sticking only the things that were working on the three brands at the time. That was smartly booked, so kudos for that part. However, this show just isn’t necessary. Thumbs down for SNME #33.