TEN YEARS AFTER: WWE RAW (09.17.07)
September 17, 2007
The current RAW champions are as follows:
WWE Champion: John Cena (9/17/2006)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Jeff Hardy (9/3/2007)
World Tag Team Champions: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (9/8/2007)
WWE Women’s Champion: Candice Michelle (6/24/2007)
Read along if you have the WWE Network!
Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler.
The WWE champ John Cena starts the show and apologizes to the fans for being a tad crazy the last few weeks, but he’s been quite angry. Tonight though, he feels FABULOUS (ha gay!) because his dad kicked Randy Orton’s ass and/or face. Anyone who dares question Cena’s motives for what happened at Unforgiven is an idiot. Furthermore, he feels Orton is also an idiot for still wanting a rematch. He thanks Jonathan Coachman for booking his last man standing match with Randy Orton at No Mercy – because now Cena can do anything and everything he wants to hurt Randy. The Interim RAW GM Jonathan Coachman comes out and says Cena should be thanking him for still having a job after putting his hands on him last night. Coach has decided to book Orton versus Cena tonight, but not John Cena the WWE champ. Oh no. In order for John Cena to keep his job and not be stripped of the WWE title, JOHN CENA’S DAD has agreed to face Randy Orton tonight on RAW. Well, that’s absurd.
- WWE Intercontinental Championship: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Shelton Benjamin
Now why wasn’t *this* on the PPV? Shelton tries to get the win early, but Hardy cuts him off with the legdrop to the balls and a low dropkick. After some wristlockage, they go to the floor where Jeff hits the pescado to take us into commercial. When we come back, Hardy fights out of a neck vice only to run into a flapjack for two. Benjamin follows up with a reverse neckbreaker for another nearfall. As Hardy fights out of a chinlock, he avoids the Dragon Whip Kick only to charge into a double KO. Cue the Jeff Hardy comeback. Whisper in the Wind connects, but Benjamin counters the Twist of Fate with a nasty backbreaker. Benjamin sidesteps a corner charge and delivers a Russian legsweep for two. He flips out of a suplex and lands a Scorpion Deathdrop for 1-2-NO! Benjamin runs up the turnbuckle and tries to superplex Hardy, but Jeff sends him down to the mat and delivers the SWANTON BOMB for the three-count. (9:34 shown) Good match, and should have been on the PPV. **½
2007 DIVA SEARCH: This week, they play beach volleyball. VOTE NOW ON WWE.COM!
Meanwhile, Coach finds an upset Mr. McMahon in his limo. He assures Vince that “the plan” is all set and pretty soon McMahon won’t have to worry about this bastard son anymore. Geez, what is going to happen to Hornswoggle? The camera zooms out to show Horny tied down to an infant seat in Vince’s limo wildly eating Lucky Charms cereal – brought to you by General Mills! Once Hornswoggle is freed, he attacks Coach and they flee Vince’s limo.
WWE REWIND (brought to you by Subway: Eat Fresh!): RAW, 9/10/07. Santino Marella jumped Ron Simmons when he catches him talking to Maria. DAMN.
Elsewhere, John Cena tries to talk his dad out of wrestling Randy Orton tonight. Why does he sound like James Cagney? When he can’t convince his father not to face Orton, he leaves with the intent to take care of business — whatever that means.
Over at Vince’s office, he finds that Hornswoggle has redecorated with “Irish blarney crap”. Coach has the best line saying, “When did he find *time* to do this?” McMahon suggests they take care of Hornswoggle with an “accident”. Coach ended up chasing ‘Swoggle out of the room, leaving Vince to nearly trip on a pony dressed up like a unicorn. Yes, a unicorn.
- Flag Match: Jim Duggan (USA) vs. Daivari (Iran)
Holy crap, it’s 1985 again. Daivari took an amazing albeit brutal looking crotch spot trying to retrieve his own country’s flag. Over in the USA corner, Duggan bounces Daivari’s face off the pole and grabs the US flag for the easy win. (2:10) Okay, why? Do I have to watch HEAT to understand this? ¼*
In the back, we catch Cody Rhodes trying to convince Jonathan Coachman to give him the match with Randy Orton instead of John Cena’s dad. Coach treats him like a simpleton and brushes him off. That’s when Cena walks up and demands the match be canceled because he will do terrible things to people. Coach forgot to mention that Cena is wrestling tonight as well. If he wins, the match with his dad will be canceled. So there ya go. What a benevolent-ish dictator Coach is.
To kick off the second hour, Mr. McMahon comes to the ring carrying a clipboard. He has decided to welcome Hornswoggle to his family and brings him out. He then tells ‘Swoggle that he’s putting him up for adoption and brings out his new mom and dad. They even have their attorney with them. Boy, how exciting. Hornswoggle doesn’t like this news one bit. He pulls down the dad’s pants before beating the crap out of him and then bites the mom on the butt. Well, so much for the adoption plan. The family then runs for their lives. Now Vince is PISSED and basically banishes Hornswoggle from his family and from his ring. While the crowd boos McMahon, he yells at them believing full well they would have done exactly what he just did if they were him. Triple H interrupts and confesses to decorating Vince’s office. Ahh, Triple H. He’s always good for gay jokes. He continues to troll Vince until Vince makes the handicap match for Triple H against the world tag champs – NEXT.
- Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs. Triple H
The match started during the break. While Triple H is owning the tag champs, Carlito comes out for the brief distraction. They work him over for a while, but you know how this is going to end. He runs wild on them and hits Cade with the AA Spinebuster for the win. (4:52 shown) Carlito joins Cade and Murdoch for a beatdown. Paul London and Brian Kendrick come out and chase the tag champs back to the locker room. Meanwhile, Triple H sends Carlito running after a AA Spinebuster. London and Kendrick hang out in the ring with Triple H. They want to shake hands, but Triple H puts them both down with PEDIGREES. Man, what a star maker. He just made everyone else here look like complete jabronis. Not only that, but he tried to do “comedy” for ten minutes straight. ½*
- Candice Michelle & Mickie James vs. Melina & Jillian Hall
Beth Phoenix watches on from ringside. Mickie shines on Melina to start until Jillian shoves her down from the top rope. Jillian tags in and tosses Mickie around by her hair. A DOUBLE-KO leads to the hot tag to Candice. Man, nobody cares. Lawler mentions Ashley will be part of Survivor. His exact words were, “You remember Ashley!” Mmhmm. Anyways, Candice delivers the CANDY WRAPPER for the win. (2:41) Afterwards, Phoenix gives Candice her Women’s title and super dramatic stares ensue. ¾*
As Vince is leaving the arena, Coach assures him that everything is going to plan around here. He tells Vince that he thinks Hornswoggle has now been “scarred for life”. Next thing we know, the trunk lid on McMahon’s limo pops open and Hornswoggle is inside just as the car is driving away. Oh boy.
- John Cena vs. Santino Marella
A very angsty Santino is his surprise opponent. It’s a disappointment but with so many suspensions, who could it have been instead? I mean, really. This match is so cake that Cena starts the match doing his comeback. Next thing you know, Randy Orton runs down and attacks Cena for the DQ. (:52) Santino helps out while Orton puts a hurting on Cena. Once he’s beaten down real good, Orton handcuffs him to the bottom rope. N/R
Coachman then comes out and says he neglected to tell Cena earlier that he needed to win this match by pinfall or submission, not by DQ. Therefore, the match with Cena’s dad is still on.
- Randy Orton vs. Mr. Cena
So Orton went back through the curtain just so he could come back out again to his theme music. What a diva! By the way, John Cena is now standing yet still handcuffed to the bottom rope. Cena’s dad comes out wearing his best Adidas tracksuit. Once Orton gets close enough to Cena’s dad, he knees him in the gut and stomps on him while eyeballing Cena. The man actually sells better than most of the guys on the actual RAW roster. Finally, CODY RHODES comes out to stop the torturing of Cena’s dad for the DQ. (2:15) It’s all for naught though because he takes Cody out to the floor and throws him into the ring steps. I actually love the way Cody has been booked. Orton then returns to torturing Cena’s dad while the WWE champ is twisting off the bottom turnbuckle so he can get free. There’s an RKO to Cena’s dad! Cena now has broke free and chases off Orton, but it’s just too late to save his dad. RANDY ORTON IS SO VILE~! N/R
Great angle to end the show. Until next time, so long for now.
Posted on September 20, 2017, in WWE and tagged Beth Phoenix, Brian Kendrick, Candice Michelle, Carlito, Cody Rhodes, DelAvar Daivari, Hornswoggle, Jeff Hardy, Jillian Hall, Jim Duggan, John Cena, Jonathan Coachman, Lance Cade, Melina, Mickie James, Paul London, Randy Orton, Santino Marella, Shelton Benjamin, Trevor Murdoch, Triple H, Vince McMahon. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.